I Ain't One To Gossip But

Gwyneth Paltrow sells high-priced crap over there at GOOP, but she has clearly gone over the edge, fat head first.

GOOP is selling a candle that, ahem, ALLEGEDLY smells like Gwyneth’s vagina. And you have to pay $75 to get her cooch smell in your house.

Paltrow claims the candle, and her vagina, smells of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed.”

I think it probably smells more like inflated ego and desperation.

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Apparently, Husband-In-My-Head … and yes, I’ve lost count of how many of those I have … Michael B Jordan has only recently moved out of the house he shared with his parents Donna and Michael A Jordan.

While it might seem as good news, it would have been better to learn he moved out of his parents’ house and in with, oh, I dunno, I’m just spit balling here, Bob and Carlos?

Just saying. We have the room, Michael.

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I have given up on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since those hens drove Lisa Vanderpump off the show, but I still loves me some RHoBH gossip.

Apparently, right in the midst of filming the upcoming season, Denise Richards has up and quit the show because her affair with former RHoBH housewife Brandi Glanville was exposed.

Oh, and Denise is married. Richards stopped filming RHoBH after a nasty showdown with her cast members who confronted her over having a months-long affair with Brandi Glanville.

Richards and Glanville had ALLEGEDLY been seeing one another from the beginning of 2019 up until the middle of the year, with Richards telling Glanville that she and her husband Aaron Phypers had an open marriage, but maybe that was a lie, and Brandi was furious at being the “other woman” to another woman.

Seriously, Denise. You thought you could have an affair with a woman, and a woman like Brandi Glanville, while filming a reality show and no one would notice?

Gurl.

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What do the Karda$trophe$ like more than fame? Coin$. Coin$ and fame, but mo$tly coin$.

Which explain$ why Khloé Karda$trophe decided to put her name to the late$t weight-lo$$ product, Flat Tummy $hakes, even though she employ$ both a trainer and a nutritioni$t:

“Ok... I’ve posted with @flattummyco’s Shakes in the past and YES, I also use a personal trainer and nutritionist, but THESE SHAKES WORK to help get your tummy back to flat. Trust me you guys… Go get 25% off the same Shakes I drink.”

And as the interwebz do, people went nut$ trying to figure out why a woman with a nutritioni$t and a trainer is $hilling diet shake$.

Coin$.

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A few weeks back Lindsay Lohan threatened this country by saying she was moving back to America. She gave us that tired “I want my movie career back” line, and tossed in something new about managing her sister’s singing career, but is there more?

Perhaps she needs to come home and sit with Mama Dina “Where my chardonnay at?” Lohan now that Dina’s been arrested for ALLEGEDLY t-boning another lady’s car in the parking lot of an Outback Steakhouse and then fleeing the scene. Luckily the woman she hit followed Dina home to Long Island, parked herself outside Dina’s house and called the police.

Police came, but say Dina refused to submit to a drug/alcohol test, though they observed clear signs of intoxication. So, like her daughter before her, Dina Lohan was arrested for DWI, leaving the scene of an accident and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. And since Dina was also arrested for DWI in September 2013, this means she’s facing a felony charge.

Sadly, since Lindsay has no money and none of her johns will pay for a flight that doesn’t involve some kind of sexual favor, Lindsay will have to Jet Blue her way home, and that might take months.

Perhaps Dina will be sober by then, and she and Lindsay can head out to the Outback for a keg of Long Island Iced Teas.

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I used to watch Wendy Williams. I found her kinda funny …How you doin? But then she made several transphobic jokes about Caitlyn Jenner, I sent her a letter calling her out and stopped watching. And I’m glad, because she’s an immature moron who goes after people for the most idiotic reasons.

This week it was Joaquin Phoenix and the scar on his lip. Yes, a grown-assed woman made fun of a man because he has a scar on his lip. Wendy was flapping her yap about the Golden Globes and turned to Phoenix; she had nothing really to say about him, so she went personal and talked about his appearance. Wendy noted that his lip scar made him “oddly attractive,” and then mimed a cleft lip before talking with her hands all the way in her mouth. 

Funny stuff. Well, not to Adam Bighill, a Canadian football player whose son was born with a cleft palate. Bighill, called her out on Twitter and demanded an apology, revealing that his son Beau was having surgery to repair his lip that day:

“Today is Beau’s big day. He is getting his lip repaired today in Winnipeg by the fantastic Dr. Ross.”

And Wendy did apologize, sort of, finally:

“We’re thinking about Beau today as he is in surgery. I want to apologize to the cleft community and in Beau’s honor, our show is donating to @operationsmile and @AmerCleftPalate and encourage our Wendy Watchers to learn more and help support the cleft community.”

Well, Cher heard about Wendy’s stupidity and the apology, and the fact that her show not Wendy Williams personally made a donation, and she all-capped her anger at the talk show yapper:

“@WendyWilliams I Was Going To Try & Hold My Temper BUT IM SO F-NG ANGRY I CANT.
In 1985 I Made a Film Called “MASK” THROUGH THAT FILM I BECAME INVOLVED WITH CHILDREN,& ADULTS WHO HAD CRANIOFACIAL  ANOMALIES. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THESE PPL GO THROUGH20+ OPERATIONS … BEFORE THEIR TEENS!! MUCH OF THE TIME THEY ARE IN PAIN,AFRAID,BUT HAVE HOPE THEY WILL LOOK NORMAL. THE& FEAR THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH IS UNBEARABLE. IF YOUR MOM SAW WHAT YOU DID SHE’D BE ASHAMED. MY MOM TAUGHT ME TO LOVE & HELP PPL IN PAIN.WHO ARE U!?U SHOULD B FIRED.”

Note to Wendy: don’t ever piss off Cher because she has never had a f**k to give and she will come for you. In fact, she’ll even come for your fan … singular … one Stefano Scibetta who Tweeted to Cher:

“She apologized.”

Oh Stefano, have you learned nothing.

“APOLOGIZED!? THERE IS NO APOLOGY FOR WHAT SHE DID…. & LAUGHED ABOUT!! I KNOW THESE CHILDREN,& ADULTS.THEY GO THROUGH HELL,THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH HELL!! Fk Her Apology. SHE WANTS TO KEEP HER JOB!! I CANT CONTAIN MY ANGER!!”

Wendy is a moron, and really isn’t worth Cher’s time, but I love her for taking on this talk show dimwit, this grown-assed woman who thinks making fun of people’s appearance is funny.

Careful Wendy …

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It's Snarkurday!

I’ve never heard of Willa Ford, but apparently she’s aiming for a comeback of sorts.

Willa’s first—and only—single was the bad girl anthem I Wanna Be Bad; it was released in May 2001 and became a kind of a hit. It was followed by the release of her first album Willa Was Here and a second single, Did Ya’ Understand That.

Unfortunately, Did Ya’ was released on September 11, 2001 and now, sixteen years later, Willa’s still complaining:

“Everything that happened that day froze; the world stood still, as it should have. My second single didn’t do well because anything that launched that day kind of got canned.”

So, she’s blaming the bad reception on 9/11? Seriously? Thousands died that day, lives were changed forever, and she’s complaining because her single didn’t hit?

Except ... Did Ya’ Understand That was actually released on December 4, 2001, long after 9/11, so maybe Willa’s just trying to strike up some sympathy for a career that went nowhere sixteen years ago and she thought blaming it on 9/11 was the right way to go.

Honey? Sit down. You’re not needed here.

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Now, from the Delusional-I-Think-Every-Woman-Wants-Me file comes rap producer Rick Ross who, when asked why he’s never signed a lady rapper to his label, said this:

“You know, I never did it because I always thought, like, I would end up fucking a female rapper and fucking the business up. I’m so focused on my business. I just, I gotta be honest with you. You know, she looking good. I’m spending so much money on her photo shoots. I gotta fuck a couple times.”

Okay, again, look at him. Women would be unable to resist his charms?

Take a seat, Rick, I’ll call you when I stop laughing.

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Who decides what movies to make, because, apparently, there is going to be a live-action Barbie movie; and it was set to star Amy Schumer—as Foul-Mouthed Barbie?—until she split, and now Anne “Oscar Winner” Hathaway will be the doll.

I can see Hathaway’s Oscar campaign for this one ... a pink convertible, a plastic house, a gender neutral date.

And lots of plastic, which would be a perfect fit for Anne Hathaway.

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So, that was Ben Affleck’s face in that new trailer for Justice League; hopefully everyone saw it, because it appears that after Affleck fulfills his contractual duty to be Batman in Justice League and Justice League Pt. 2 he’ll never don the cape again.

And the world heaved a sigh of relief.

The upcoming standalone Batman movie, The Batman, was originally supposed to be written, directed, and starring Ben until he stepped away from directing, until his script was tossed in the trash can, until the studio realized that Affleck’s Batman is the worst thing ever.

A source—and it might just be Christian Bale, furious that Affleck has ruined the character—says that Warner Bros. is quietly making plans to “gracefully” get rid of Affleck.

Gracefully? Howsabout just killing him off? Well, not Affleck, I mean.

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Teenage girls around the world have gone into mourning this week when it was announced that Justin Bieber was cancelling the remaining 15 dates of his Purpose world tour.

And, depending on who you listen to, the reasons range Justin wanted to doo it for The Baby Jeebus to Justin and “unforeseen circumstances” to, and this one seems most likely, that Justin is “just over it.”

I mean, the little twerp has never exactly cared about his fans so why wouldn’t he just end the tour because something shiny caught his eye and he wants to follow that?

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A couple of years ago, I posted about the time that TV “star” Tia Mowry ran into movie star Charlize Theron at Soul Cycle and was given the grand snub. And so Tia Mowry ran to InTouch magazine to whine that Theron refused to even say ‘Hello’ to her and how devastating that was and now, apparently things have slowed down in Charlize’s life, because now, three years later, she’s clapping back ...

While doing press for Atomic Blonde, Charlize appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen used the game, Plead The Fifth, to ask about Tia’s remarks ...

“[Charlize] wasn’t very nice to me. I said, ‘Hi,’ and she actually rolled her eyes and said, ‘Oh, my God.’ I wasn’t over-the-top. I know how to approach another celebrity. Charlize was just mean. I’m just being honest.”

When Andy brought this up, Charlize “jokingly” said, “What a bitch!” before dismissing it because it showed up in InTouch. But Andy, because he’s a gossipy queen like yours truly, reminded Theron that Tia herself gave the magazine the exclusive, which Andy mentioned, leading Charlize to talk about it:

“I’m really nice at SoulCycle, actually, because once my endorphins kick in I’m actually almost too friendly. I’m always touching people, like, ‘Hey!'”

Like, “Hey, TV actress? Bugger off! I’m a star!”?

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From the This Is Such A Trainwreck file comes word of a new film starring Gina Gershon, Whoopi Goldberg and Charlie Sheen.

Here’s the film: total strangers, trapped in a high-rise elevator, must work together to survive before the cable snaps! And why does the cable snap?

Oh, it’s because ... wait for it ... it’s vile ... a plane just hit the North Tower.

Yup, it’s a 9/11 film ... called 9/11. Seriously. But hey, Gershon, Goldberg and Sheen?

Set your clocks for Oscar next year because I see a slew of awards for this one!

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I have always blamed Usher for giving us Justin Bieber, and now it appears maybe Usher will be made to pay for it ... in a roundabout sort of way.

Usher, is being sued for $10 million for ALLEGEDLY exposing a sex partner to herpes.  And he’s known about it for years because, again, ALLEGEDLY, Usher had to pay off a former lay in 2012 for giving her herpes.

In court documents concerning that case, doctors reportedly confirmed that Usher had it and shared, and now a different woman—referred to as “Jane Doe”—is suing “U.R. IV”—AKA Usher—for “negligence, battery and emotional distress” and seeking $10,000,000 in damages.

Now, you might think that ten million for herpes is a lot of Chlamydia, er, clams, the truth is that Jane Doe doesn’t claim to have contracted herpes, but after doing the deed with Usher’s STD peen and then finding out about the first case make her need a lot of coins to calm herself down.

Doe claims that she had sex with Usher on April 16 and that there was “heavy petting, some kissing, and she performed oral sex on him”—though he wore a condom. Two weeks later, they had a repeat performance only this time Usher was glove-less down there.

And then she read the reports that he has The Herpes and off to court she went because the mere idea that she had unprotected sex with him and he may have given her herpes, but didn’t, should equal ten million bucks.

Maybe Usher could ask Bieber for a loan?

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So, Michael B. Jordan was at Comic Con over the weekend because he’s Killmonger in Black Panther, and was asked about being a sex symbol and he literally said:

“Who? Me?”

And the crowd was all, “Yes! You!” as Jordan tried to sidestep the talk:

“I’m just adjusting to this new air that I’m kind of breathing in, and it’s a balance. I’m trying to find a balance. I’m just trying to mature and develop as a man and as an actor, in front of the screen and behind, so it’s cool. I’m handling it OK. My family is keeping me grounded.”

Sweet. But here’s the deal ... Michael B. Jordan is a sex symbol.

Clearly ...

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Random Musings

This picture breaks my heart ... little Carrie Fisher waiting backstage while her mother, Debbie Reynolds, took her curtain call ... how art kinda becomes life, and death.

I am stunned at the loss of Carrie Fisher. I have adored her for years, though not, as many have, from the Star Wars films. I was in awe of her wit and wisdom, her writings, her words; the way she faced down adversity with a quip and a smile; the way she took on mental illness with a vengeance and had us laughing about it.

I will miss her; I will miss the woman, who, during a question-and-answer period at a recent event, was asked what she would do with “the force” if she had it, and replied:

“I’d stop Donald _____.”

And then, just as the hurt over Carrie’s loss we learned about her mother, Debbie Reynolds’ passing. Carrie’s brother, Debbie’s son, Todd, said one of the last things Debbie said was that she wanted to be with Carrie.

Kathy Seldon, Singing In The Rain; Molly Brown in The Unsinkable Molly Brown; Tammy in Tammy and the Bachelor; and so many more ... but I’ll remember her as the feisty, funny, fabulous Bobbi Adler, Grace’s mother, on Will and Grace. Gosh, she had me smiling and then laughing out loud from that show.

So sad that they are both gone, though never forgotten.

RIP Carrie and Debbie.

John Tereska’s family are rabid _____ supporters, so John knew the perfect gifts to hand out on Christmas Day.

He gave them all gift boxes and when the boxes were opened the family discovered that John had donated, in their names, to groups like Planned Parenthood, the Human Rights Commission, the Southern Poverty Law Center, and the Sierra Club.

But he made a special donation in the name of his brother ... a donation, in his brother’s name, to the Democratic National Committee.

Revenge is a dish best served cold ... or as a Christmas present.

Carlos and I have been watching Good Behavior on TNT mostly because it stars Michelle Dockery as a drug-addled, bail-jumping, scam artist and petty thief, Letty Raines. And, yeah, this is the same Michelle Dockery that played the prim and proper, bitch in a kitten heel, Lady Mary on Downton Abbey, so it’s fun.

And it doesn’t hurt that it also stars Juan Diego Botto as Javier, Letty’s love interest. That’s him on the left; he’s been here before but he’s always welcome.

This week, however, the show introduced Todd Williams, on the right, as Sean, Letty’s Baby Daddy, a former meth-head, porn producer who says he’s now a changed man.

I see no reason to change ... he’s hot.

British TV presenter Richard Hammond, who co-hosts the automotive series The Grand Tour with Jeremy Clarkson, is making headlines for remarks he made on the show suggesting that if you eat ice cream, you’re gay, and not really a man.

Yup; the remarks came as Clarkson showed off the interior of a Rolls-Royce and said: “The only problem is that in one of those, you couldn’t enjoy a chocolate Magnum ice-cream.”

Hammond said: “It’s all right, I don’t eat ice-cream. It’s something to do with being straight.”

Clarkson was taken aback that the audience applauded Hammond’s remarks: “Are you saying everyone who likes ice cream is….?”

And so Hammond said: “Ice cream is a bit, you know…but a grown man eating an ice cream, you know, it’s a bit….it’s that way rather than that way.”

“You’re saying all children are homosexual?” responded Clarkson.

Seriously. Ice cream is gay? I’ve heard it all. Oh, and Richard Hammond is a homophobic asshat who, and I'll go low here, looks a little like someone who'd love to lick a Mr. Softee.

So, over the Christmas holiday the Republican National Committee’s seasonal message was released and, in it, they seemed to imply that Donald _____ is ... wait for it ... the Second Coming of Jesus Christ:

“Merry Christmas to all! Over two millennia ago, a new hope was born into the world, a Savior who would offer the promise of salvation to all mankind. Just as the three wise men did on that night, this Christmas heralds a time to celebrate the good news of a new King. We hope Americans celebrating Christmas today will enjoy a day of festivities and a renewed closeness with family and friends.”

This Christmas celebrates the good news of a new King? Yup, the RNC seemingly says _____ is just like Jesus except ....

They didn’t mean that at all, at least according to RNC spokestool Sean Spicer, who Tweeted—cuz that’s all these morons do—that the reference to “a new King” was not a reference to _____:

“Christ is the King. He was born today so we could be saved. Its (sic) sad & disappointing you are politicizing such a holy day.”

Except ... you said “new” King.

Donald _____ is the least Christ-like person on the planet. In fact, he’d be, in my mind and possibly the minds of the majority of this country considering less than 50% of us voted for him, the complete opposite of Christ ... whatever that is the ... the .... the ... oh yeah, the anti-Christ.

Just sayin’.

Remember when Pamela Ramsay Taylor, the director of Clay County Development Corp [CCDC], a West Virginian non-profit, called Michelle Obama “an ape in heels” and was fired from her job? See post HERE.

Well, guess what? On December 23, Pamela Racist Taylor was quietly reinstated once the firestorm over her racism dissipated and what the CCDC called a “month of quiet reflection and re-education.”

The CCDC kept Pamela Racist Taylor’s reinstatement quiet to avoid distraction ... or to keep people from realizing the powers that be at the CCDC might be as asshatted and racist as Pam, but when the Charleston Gazette-Mail learned the news, the story was out and people took to the CCDC Facebook page to protest.

Luckily, at least one person in charge at the CCDC recognized that Pamela Racist Taylor is a racist, was a racist, and will always be a racist, and so when West Virginia reviewed their contracts with the non-profit, it was decided that Pamela Racist Taylor would be fired ... again ... and for good this time.

Bye Felicia.

Well well well ... La Big Gay Scandal?

It seems someone went on Snapchat and kinda declared themselves to be actor Michael B Jordan’s gay lover ...

And that sent Jordan into a tizzy ...

 “I usually don’t comment creep but, you know, sh*t, today I got time. So look, whoever’s angry, bitter, upset for whatever reason, grow the f**k up ‘cause karma’s real. And I usually take the high road. I usually don’t say sh*t, I just let it roll ‘cause people are going to be people. Everybody got they opinion. That’s what the Internet’s for. They going to say whatever….On second thought, why am I even giving energy to that s**t on this day. Y’all my fans. Y’all don’t need to hear me ranting about some BS. So enjoy your family, enjoy your blessings, enjoy the people you hold close and cherish that. I think that’s more important than some comment.”

Um, Michael, as a gay man let me say, first of all, thanks for that top photo cuz, you know, scorching.

But, and this is where I get pissed, when actors are called gay, or implied to be gay, and they get all pissy it does one of two things to me: it makes me think you are gay—and I couldn’t care less, really—and it also pisses me off because when you get angry about the rumor that you might be gay, it perpetuates the myth that being gay is a bad thing.

It’s not; and so I’d think about that next time you wanna get pissy cuz some “anonymous” dude called you gay.

But, if you are ... again, thanks for that top photo.

Hell, thanks for the top photo anyway.