Why Is It ...

… that people need to accept what’s good in their lives … like me, I’m a f*cking delight.

… that we all have that one friend that we literally have to tell them to ‘be nice’ before we introduce them to a new person; or is that just directed at me.

… that sometimes I want to call into work and say, ‘My mom said I can’t come.’

… that no one realizes that I don’t care if I’m not their cup of tea; I’d rather be gasoline and set shiz on fire.

… that when someone asks me how I sleep at night knowing there are some people out there that don’t like me, I say, ‘I sleep with no underwear on in case they want to kiss me ass.’

… that people need to learn that it’s really important, especially in the morning, to shut up.

… that with so many things coming back into style, I cannot wait until morals and intelligence start trending again.

… that more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the lest you work so stay hydrated and follow me for more work tips.

… that one of my hobbies is having no time for bullsh*t

… that the other day Carlos turned to me and said, ‘I was talking to you and you yawned six times. Am I boring you?” And I said, ‘Those weren’t yawns, they were six unsuccessful attempts to speak.’

Why Is It ...

… that sometimes I feel like giving up even though I know I have a lot of people to prove wrong.

… that I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired and today isn’t looking so good and I’ve already used up tomorrow’s tired.

… that every day I try to decide if I should be an example or a warning to others.

… that people should stop asking me for moral support when they all know I have questionable morals.

… that I am always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.

… that I’m pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and then I’ll have the whole set. 

… that people are afraid to share my posts because they think the SWAT team will come knocking on their door. I mean, the SWAT team doesn’t knock.

… that, while I don’t know if I could ever ‘complete’ someone, driving them batshit crazy sounds doable.

… that if anyone uses the F-word twice in a single sentence I feel like I have found My People.

… that it took me this long to get my Senior GPS. I mean, not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there in the first place.