I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Now that Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes has wound down to nothingness, and the universe righted itself, Andy Kohen sat down with the Koven to discuss their, um, legacy?

It was all rather blah, from what I read since I have never watched anything Kardastrophe—I even turn off Khloé’s insipid commercials—apparently the audience was treated to Kimmy’s take on her minute’s long marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries.

Kim says she owes Humphries an apology—bitch owes the planet an apology— for the way she handled their 72-day marriage and divorce but he was apparently not in a forgiving mood, even when she ran into him the Beverly Hills Hotel a few years back and it did not go well:

“I saw him and all of his friends got up from the table, we had the tables next to each other. All of his friends got up and said hi to me and he literally just looked at me and like wouldn’t even speak to me.”

Kim says Humphries is “faith-based”—meaning religious, something Kimmy knows nothing of because she’s “fame-based”—and wanted an annulment,  which is why he claimed fraud in his filing:

“If I was mature, I would have wanted the annulment too. I wish I was only married once.”

Hey, you aren’t married now, or did you forget that Kanye already has a new side-piece he’s traveling with in Europe? You dragged Kris Humphries into marriage for a TV show and then dumped his ass when the ratings didn’t go up.

That’s what happens Kimmy when you live your life for social media.

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Britney Spears has been a pop star since the last century but has been laying low for several years now due to legal battles with her daddy about her money.

But, in a new Instagram Q&A, BritBrit says she’s not sure if she’ll ever sing again ... and the world heaved a sigh of relief.

There’s more to this story, but I want to leave it on a high note.

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Disney+’s latest superhero series, Marvel’s Falcon and the Winter Soldier, is a hit, but one of its stars, Anthony Mackie, seems a tad peevish that people online are saying his character Sam Wilson AKA the Falcon is secretly in love with Bucky Barnes AKA the Winter Soldier, played by Sebastian Stan.

First things first: I am in love with Sebastian Stan. Get that queer, Anthony. And now, back to snark …

Anthony has gone after the Twitterers who envision homo-love for Sam and Bucky, saying that two straight men can have a strong friendship without the “gay”:

“There’s so many things that people latch on to with their own devices to make themselves relevant and rational. The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality … It used to be guys can be friends, we can hang out, and it was cool. You can’t do that anymore, because something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves.”

Wait; he calls homosexuality pure and beautiful, but doesn’t want you thinking Sam and Bucky are the new homo Sam and Diane?

Mixed messaging, Anthony. Luckily, the uber hot Sebastian Stan doesn’t share Mackie’s views; he says:

“I’m just happy that the relationship is embraced, and it should be embraced in whatever way or fashion that people desire and want it to be.”

Which is why I think they are gay and in love and that I’d like to be the meat in a Sam-and-Bucky sammich.

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In the Everything Old Is New Again File … Chris Brown has once again been accused of attacking a woman.

Police showed up at Brown’s home after a woman them saying she’d just been slapped in the face by Chris and the attack caused part of her weave to come out.

Chris responded via Instagram—because, why not—by telling everyone that the accusations are so damn “cap,” meaning people are spreading lies.

And so there you have it … known abuser Chris Brown says he did not abuse another woman.

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More from In the Everything Old Is New Again File … serial cheater, Tristan Thompson—who cheated on his baby mama with   Khloé Kardastrophe, whom he cheated on when she was pregnant—has been accused of allowing his penis out without a leash … again.

Apparently, Tristan went to the birthday party of YouTuber Tana Mongeau and was seen entering a room with 3 women and when he came out he was, um, “disheveled.” To be fair, he might have been helping them move furniture but … serial cheater.

As the story broke, though, it was reported that Tristan and Khloé broke up for the millionth time and the Koven wants you to know that the breakup happened weeks ago and so Tristan wasn’t technically cheating on Khloe … again.

Uh huh.

Note to Tristan: if you wanna end this now, just say you thought you were boning Khloé, and she’s had so many knew faces, you thought this was just the newest one.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, and _____’s arch-nemesis, on the articles of impeachment:

“This president is impeached for life, regardless of any gamesmanship on the part of Mitch McConnell. There is nothing the Senate can do to ever erase that. … We’re confident in the impeachment. And we think there’s enough testimony to remove him from office. However, we want the American people to see the truth, and why are [Republicans] afraid of the truth?”

Actually, they’re afraid the racist followers of the Adderall-addicted moron will turn on them, so they’ll do whatever he says.

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Gwyneth Paltrow, on why she doesn’t act anymore:

“When I was acting I really burned myself out. When the flywheel kicked in, I was doing three to five movies a year. I really got to the point where even the little things, like sitting in the van going to set, getting your makeup touch-ups, and everything – I really don’t know that I can bear it. The last movie I starred in, I was pregnant with my daughter. It was a movie called Proof, an adaptation of a play I did in London, and I was like, ‘I’ve had it. I can’t do this anymore.’ I had morning sickness and I was dying, and I had these five-page monologues. So when I had her, I knew I was going to take a big chunk of time off. And I’ve never starred in anything again.”

Um, is that your choice, or Hollywood’s? See, Gwynnie, everything about you is an act. Maybe you aren’t doing it on a movie screen, but every time your lips flap, every time you push one of your delusional products, you’re acting; and it’s still awful.

You should really get down on your knees and thank Harvey Weinstein for buying you that Oscar.

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James Wharton, a gay former British soldier, on Prince Harry, his tank commander, stepping in to stop soldiers bullying Wharton for being gay:

“I’d got myself into a bit of a situation with some soldiers from another regiment and, essentially, they didn’t like the fact I was gay. They were sort-of chest poking me and making me feel quite uncomfortable. I got into my tank where Prince Harry was doing something, and he could see that I was clearly affected by something and he asked me what the problem was. I told him that there were a couple of soldiers outside who weren’t very happy with the fact I was gay. Quite offended that his gunner was being picked on by these people, Prince Harry went out and saw these soldiers and spoke to them, and the problem went away. He told them off and they left me alone.”

That’s how bullying stops. Call out the bullies. Demand it stop.

Especially when a Hot Ginger Prince does it.

Sidenote: my favorite dream in the world is about me getting in my tank with Harry.

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DJ Qualls, actor from Road Trip, The New Guy, Hustle & Flow, has come out as gay at a Jim Jefferies show, and then on Twitter:

“It is 11:20pm. I just came out on stage at a [Jim Jefferies] show in San Diego. Yep, I’m gay. Been gay this whole time. Tired of worrying about what people would think of me. Tired of worrying about what it would do to my career.”

Welcome out.

And please accept as our gift from HOMO HQ, the Official Coming Out Toaster Over™ and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

Welcome out!

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Sebastian Stan, actor, on his signature deadpan expression:

“People always ask me if I’m okay. They’ve said I have ‘serial-killer resting face.’ No matter what I do, I’ve always had dark circles under my eyes that never really go away. Lately there might be a little moisturizer happening here and there, just in case. Preserving a couple years, or whatever.”

Serial killer? Not at all.

Brooding sexy man who needs some attention? Yes, please.

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Jennifer Lopez, actress, singer, media whore, telling Vanity Fair that she longs for a more 'simple and organic' kind of life.

“I would love to live somewhere other than the United States, in a small town in Italy, or on the other side of the world, in Bali. Find another life where it’s a little bit more simple and organic and where I get to ride a bike, and buy bread, and put it in my basket, and then go home and put jelly on it, and just eat and paint, or sit in a rocking chair where there was a beautiful view of an olive tree or an oak tree and I could just smell. I have fantasies like that.”

Yes, please believe that a woman who lives her life in front of the media longs to be alone.

Cuz, if you do, Jenny, then go. Ain’t nobody stoppin’ you.

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Would You Hit It?

Sebastian Stan, actor, best known to me, as the gay son on Political Animals and as The Mad Hatter in Once Upon A Time. He also appeared in The Black Swan and in the Captain America films.

But enough about that, because I have one simple question:

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

Oh wait ... I have another question:

If you answered No, would.you hit it now?

Sebastian Stan: My Kind Of Picnic

from Towleroad:
The Roundabout Theatre Company's is presenting a revival of William Inge's Picnic starring Sebastian Stan and his abs. They feature so prominently in director Sam Gold's production that Ben Brantley of the New York Times suggested they deserve star billing on the marquee. I Need To Get To La Grande Apple

Random Musings

So, former Vice President Dick Cheney had a heart transplant last week. He's had five.....FIVE.....heart attacks over the past 25 years and countless medical procedures to keep him going. 

Still.....

I wonder if he got a Haliburton heart.

I wonder if he's still on the donor waiting list for a soul.

I wonder if he could have gotten a two-fer deal and gotten a brain with that heart.

I wonder if he got a compassionate heart.

I wonder when I'll stop this.

Funny Tweet:

The Drag Race.

Loving Sharon Needles to death. I love that she isn't a glamazon and there's some kind of edge to her.

Loved Chad Michaels and his take on debate and inaugural dress.

Loved Latrice Royale's lipsynch for your life. Grrrl knows how to brang it.

That's entertainment.

Oh yeah, and one more thing:

PhiPhi must go.

That joke about 'The Help' was all sorts of wrong. Mostly, because it wasn't funny.

Poor Newt.

He's running out of money so fast in his campaign that he's taken to charging folks $50 to have a photograph taken with him.

Seriously.

And now, two thirds of his staff has been axed, and he's lost his last two print reporters--from POLITICO and the Atlanta Journal Constitution--reporters on the trail. The Associated Press pulled its reporter after Tuesday's Illinois primary.

It's over Newt.

You're not gonna be president--and it's funny because he seriously thought he had a chance.

Go home, return to a normal life.

Cheat on your wife.

What is it with ABC's Once Upon A Time and their slew of hot actors in leather pants playing hot fairytale characters?

Don't get me wrong, I ain't complaining.

Last week, we met The Mad Hatter, whose real name we found out is Jefferson--as well as finding out how he went mad--and he was played by the dashing Sebastian Stan wearing just a hint of guyliner.

Seriously.

Hot guys. Leather pants. Capes. Houses in the woods.

Reminds me of my teen years.

Matt Sutter, a gay man living in Atlanta, says that after he and friends enjoyed karaoke at Gilbert’s, he stepped outside and saw a woman who had parked in the taxi stand area. He politely warned her that she might be towed if she left her car there.

Nice, right?

Until a Checker cabbie parked nearby walks up.

“He comes walking up and starts yelling at them,” Sutter says. “I told him I was on top of it and he said, ‘Fuck you faggot.’ I was dumbfounded to have someone call me that in front of two of these popular [gay] places.”

Sutter stood nose to nose with the cabbie until a security officer from another club intervened, He tried to get the driver to apologize to Sutter, but the cabbie refused.

Sutter called the cab company to complain.

And, Checker Cab, a family-owned company founded in 1947, took quick action.

President Rick Hewatt cancelled the driver’s contract with the company: "We called the driver in, he didn’t deny it and he had his own story that this individual had cussed him out and not acted appropriately. I told him that’s no excuse and I cancelled his lease. Very seldom do we have these sorts of problems. When we do, we take care of them.”

Bravo to Checker Cabs.

For someone who's been in the news business, and been news for his antics--chair tosses and empty vaults--Geraldo Rivera is still an asshat.

He actually blamed the killing of Trayvon Martin on his wearing a  hoodie.

And even Geraldo's own son thinks his dad is a moron.

But, you know, he works for FuxNews, so............

And, looky there, Geraldo Rivera. In.A.Hoodie.

I guess he's lucky no one nearby was carrying a gun.

Asshat.

Over there on MSNBC, Thomas Roberts planned a segment on that damaging NOM document dump with Truth Wins Out's Wayne Besen and NOM's Maggie Gallagher.

But, um, Mags failed to show, even though she confirmed an hour beforehand that she'd be there.

Roberts used an empty chair instead of Gallagher, and said, "This empty studio chair in Seattle was supposed to hold Maggie Gallagher...although she is missing in action...I would say 'hi Maggie', but you're not there!"

Roberts went on to discuss the documents with Besen and the race-baiting done by NOM and Mags wasn't around to try and spin it, you know, that The Gays are responsible for their hate.

UPDATE: It wasn't that Mags didn't show. She went to the wrong studio. Yes, stupid is as stupid does.

The Weinstein Company has decided to release the film Bully unrated after the MPAA refused to budge on its 'R' rating on the film.

See, it's a film about kids being bullied, and, well, there are some f-bombs in the film because that's how kids these days talk, but, if the MPAA had their way, the very audience this film targets, to educate about the dangers of bullying, would never see it.

BULLY Director Lee Hirsch, “The small amount of language in the film that’s responsible for the R rating is there because it’s real. It’s what the children who are victims of bullying face on most days. All of our supporters see that, and we’re grateful for the support we’ve received across the board. I know the kids will come, so it’s up to the theaters to let them in.”

Now, it's up to individual movie theaters to decide whether or not to let minors see it.

And they should.

Rick Santorum. Asshat. Idiot. Moron. Bigot. Homophobe.

See, at a campaign event at a bowling alley in Wisconsin today, Frothy told a boy who reached for a pink bowling ball: “You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We're not gonna let you do that. Not on camera. Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.” 

The comments were tweeted by Reuters reporter Sam Youngman.

I don't get his popularity. Yes, I understand he is NotRomney, and the conservative wingnuts of the GOP love a good NotRomney. But he is consistently whipping out the crazy, whether comparing homosexual sex to f%king dogs, or calling Obama a snob because he went to college, or telling women what to do with their bodies, and shouting "Bull shit" to a reporter who asked a question he didn't like.

His comments, plain and simple, are homophobic. He can couch his hatred in religion, but it's hate. It's bigotry. It's disgusting.
Still, look at him up there. Doesn't he look pretty....stupid......in pink?