It's Monday and I'm ...

Rumor has it the Republican asshat and self-loathing trans woman Caitlyn Jenner is writing a tell-all book to punish the Kardastrophe Klan for being mean to her as she transitioned. Jenner now claims she no longer speaks to ex-wife Kris Jenner and is no longer "close" to the reality TV family. An insider claims even Kendall and Kylie have "turned their backs" on Caitlyn:

"Caitlyn figures she has nothing to lose, so she's going to write the whole truth and make them sorry for shunning her."

So she’s gonna trash her ex-wife, her step-children, and her children because they didn’t help her launch her own reality show? Is she also gonna talk about how she thinks transwomen should not be allowed to participate in sports … unless it’s golf, which is Caitlyn’s favorite sport?

Nah, she’ll leave the hypocrisy out.

This has ick written all over it.

Y’all remember when Good Morning America news anchors TJ Holmes and Amy Robach got busted for cheating on their spouses and were fired from ABC? Yeah, well TJ and Amy are apparently still going strong so what’s the ick, you say?

That would be the news that TJ’s ex-wife, Marilee Fiebig, and Amy’s ex-husband, Andrew Shue, are now dating.

Ick.

Thirsty ex-actress Jada Pinkett Smith now says said Will Smith’s infamous 2022 Oscars slap saved their marriage after they had been separated and living apart for seven years:

“After all those years trying to figure out if I would leave Will’s side, it took that slap for me to see I will never leave him.”

Huh? What? All it takes to keep Jada by your side if for you to bitch-slap an Oscar host over a dumb joke? Is that her idea of love? Of that marriage saving slap Jada says:

“I call it the ‘holy slap’ now because so many positive things came after it.”

Her husband’s career crashed and burned, the academy shunned him Chris Rock turned him and Jada into punchlines … help me see the positive here.

Oh, Jada gets more attention.

And what does Will get? Well, from the looks of Mr. Smith in Miami without his wife, he gets  a new girlfriend.

Little Willie—his nickname from the guy who claims he walked in on Will on the receiving end of some anal sex with Duane Martin—was seen leaving Miami’s Art Basel with a woman who looks a little like Jada Pinkett Smith.

Maybe Will just wants a Jada who doesn’t use him to feed her ego, and her little Facebook talk show?

It's Monday and I'm ...

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith put on a united front on Thanksgiving, at least on Instagram, looking quite the happily married couple that hasn’t been separated for six or seven years.

Color me suspicious since these new family photos appeared right after Will’s former assistant Brother Bilaal claimed that he walked in on Smith having sex with actor Duane Marin in a dressing room several years ago.

Cue happy family pictures, I guess?

Naturally, a rep for Will vehemently denied the allegations and another says Will is “considering taking legal action” over the accusation but as of right now he’s just playing the part of happily married straight man on Instagram.

Oh goddess Gwyneth Paltrow is back again. Since she decided—or did we decide?—that her career was over Paltrow only makes headlines when she runs over skiers and then complains that her vacation was ruined.

So, how does Gwynnie get back in the spotlight? By attempting to prove that she and Dakota Johnson, who is currently dating Paltrow’s ex, Chris Martin, truly are good pals.

During a Q&A on Instagram Paltrow  was asked to post a photo with Johnson and suddenly there she was, holding hands with Dakota.

The thirst is real with Paltrow who wants nothing to do with show business but is clearly still thirsty for fame.

Now it’s Christina Aguilera’s turn to join the What Happened To Her Face Club.

After posting a TikTok video hundreds of fans commented that Aguilera looks almost unrecognizable under a full face of glam, complete with a glittery smokey eye and dark red nails and fans weren’t having it:

“no way thats Christina Aguilera.”

“Someone is pretending to be Christina Aguilera.”

“Wait, What? Is that woman Christina Aguilera?”

“I have no idea who that is??”

“that’s Christina Kardashian.”

The fans weren’t sure if she’d gone Kardastrophe or Lindsey Lohan or Madge, but she doesn’t look herself. Some fans even noticed that Christina’s signature icy blue eyes appeared to be brown.

“Who is THAT! That is not xtina, she has blue eyes not brown! And the whole thing looks like clone.”

And my favorite:

“This has gotta be AI Xtina.”

I’m all for Christians wanting to look her best but please tell me she doesn’t think her “best” is as a Kardastrophe.

Another blast from the past is one Jonathan Taylor Thomas, former Home Improvement co-star, who has apparently “resurfaced” after not being seen in two years.

The former ’90s heartthrob wore a black beanie, glasses, a light brown sweater and jeans while getting coffee in Southern California. The last time JTT was photographed was more than two years ago when he was spotted going out for a walk with his two small dogs in Los Angeles and before that, he hadn’t been glimpsed in public for eight years.

Is it drugs? Is it poverty? Or is it just him living his own life?

You see, Thomas opted out of Home Improvement in 1998 to focus on academics. He went on to study philosophy and history at Harvard and graduated from Columbia University in 2010, and also attended St. Andrews University in Scotland:

“I’d been going nonstop since I was 8 years old. I wanted to go to school, to travel and have a bit of a break. To sit in a big library amongst books and students, that was pretty cool. It was a novel experience for me. I never took the fame too seriously. It was a great period in my life, but it doesn’t define me.”

Good on him for choosing a life over the spotlight, and education over fame. Maybe he should DM Gwyneth Paltrow and show her how it’s done.

It's Monday and I'm ...

Goldie Hawn says that fifty-seven years ago, when she was just twenty, she ALLEGEDLY had an out-of-this-world experience with an extra-terrestrial. She claims  she was in the desert, sleeping in her car when the aliens came upon her and …

“They touched my face, and it felt like the finger of God. It was the most benevolent, loving feeling. This was powerful. It was filled with light.”

Yet it took her fifty-seven years to announce it … like when her career is kind of over and maybe she needs a job?

Kim Kardastrophe has announced the launch of Skims’ Ultimate Nipple Bra in which you can pay $62 for a bra with built-in fake nipples. Kardastrophe says:

“The Earth’s temperature is getting hotter and hotter. The sea levels are rising. The ice sheets are shrinking. And I’m not a scientist, but I do believe everyone can use their skillset to do their part. That’s why I’m introducing a brand-new bra with a built-in nipple—so no matter how hot it is, you’ll always look cold.”

And she’ll always look stupid.

Justin Timberlake is “not at all happy” about what Britney Spears has written in her new memoir about their time together.

I guess being called a pig who forced an abortion on his girlfriend who didn’t want one, and then broke up with her in a two-word text and wrote a song about the breakup called ‘Cry Me A River’ hurts?

Truth always does.

For a hot minute, the broke-ass Tori Spelling had moved out of her $100-a-night motel she was sharing with her five or six kids, and out of the camper they lived in, and moved into a house she rented for $18,000 a month.

Looks like the whole ‘I’m poor’ and can’t afford a house bull shit was just that. But wait, there’s more … 

Tori moved out of her expensive rental just days after settling in because , ALLEGEDLY  man with a gun took a hostage in the house down the street.

Apparently the neighbors were getting more press than Tori and she couldn’t stand it.

Speaking of memoirs, Rebecca Romijn has yet to react to her ex-husband John Stamos’ memoir bombshells  but her husband, Jerry O’Connell, is telling anyone and everyone that Romjin didn’t “get any warning” about being in the book.

Seriously? Your ex-husband writes the story of his life and you’re shocked you’re in it?

Thirst traps.

It's Monday and I'm ...

I’m not sure who annoys me more, Taylor Swift or Jada Pinkett Smith, but I do know I wish one would stop talking and the other would stop faux-dating.

Apparently Lou Diamond Phillips just moved to Scarsdale, New York and his realtor took to Facebook to ask the citizens of Scarsdale to be his friends. Really, Lou?

Rumor has it that David Beckham has been cheating on Victoria for quite some time, but since none of it was with me I don’t really care.

After getting her pregnant and coercing her into an abortion, Justin Timberlake broke up with the pop tart in a text that said: “It’s over.” Justin’s a pig.

Is this a new thing in Hollywood? First Jada says she and Will have been separated since 2016—perfect timing for her “entanglement” with her son’s friend—and now Meryl Streep and her husband announce they have been living apart for six years.

Color me shocked, but :::gulp::: Kim Kardastrophe ain’t have bad starring in this season’s American Horror Story. Of course, she plays a vile human being so is it really “acting”?

I’m just gonna say that if you’re hosting SNL but you need Pedro Pascal, Mick Jagger and Lady Gaga to assist you, should you really be hosting? And what the f**k is a Bad Bunny?

Meanwhile, back at Kim Kardastrophe, she just celebrated her 43^rd birthday … her ass is ten years old and her face is a newborn.

Snarky Thoughts

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “star” Dorit Kemsley has been sued by Natalie Vanderstay, a private nurse, who claims Kemsley stiffed her after she helped the reality “star” recover from a plastic surgery procedure:

“[Dorit] had plastic surgery and hired my services for day and overnight care; to monitor and assess her pain, administration of medications and treatments as directed per her physician's orders. As well as address all her medical needs and concerns. I submitted an invoice to [Dorit] after my services were completed and [Dorit] has refused to pay me.”

The nurse showed up to court but Dorit did not and now the nurse has demanded Dorit appear in court with her financial records to help Vanderstay figure out how to collect on the debt.

My Thought: Maybe Dorit did show up in court, but with her new face no one knew it was her—those are three of her faces up top.

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When the news broke that MAGAt Pat Sajak was retiring and leaving Wheel of Fortune, my first thought was “Is that show still on?” But it is, and some folks were more concerned  with what would happen to Vanna White and now we know that her role will be cut from the show soon, too.

My Thought: Vanna was a mindless, voiceless prop in an evening gown who pretended to reveal the letters on TV’s version of hangman and was paid $3 million a year. It’s called cost-cutting.

My Thought, Part Two: It appears that Vanna’s job of pointing at letters might be saved as the producers of Wheel announced that Vanna’s male counterpart, Ryan Seacrest, will be the new host and he’ll be so awful they need Vanna around to keep the older viewers watching.

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Word has come that Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter Riley Keough has paid her grandmother, Priscilla, a million-and-a-half dollars to drop her bid to be co-trustee of her late daughter’s estate, but Keough did put an end to Priscilla’s demand to be buried next to Elvis at Graceland.

My Thought: I guess we all know that Priscilla’s price to skip sharing an eternal resting place with Elvis is $1.4M, but maybe, if she plays her cards right, for a couple of hundred bucks she can be interred next to any number of Elvis impersonators in Las Vegas.

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Speaking of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Dorit’s "co-star," Kyle Richards and her husband of 27 years have announced they are separating. They released the usual statement that there are no third parties involved—Kyle’s husband Mauricio has long been accused of cheating … once with the aforementioned Dorit—but now it appears that Kyle is the one having the affair with female singer Morgan Wade. Kyle had been seen recently without her wedding ring—clue #1 in telling the world your marriage is over—but Mauricio appeared on a podcast to dispel that rumor:

“The other day I think she had a story come out where she was photographed coming out of the gym without her ring. I’m like, she went to the f**king gym, like, she’s not wearing her ring, okay?”

My Thought: Sounds plausible, but it doesn’t explain while Kyle and Morgan are now wearing matching rings.

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Snarky Thoughts

It looks like there’s some movement in Kevin Costner’s attempts to get soon-to-be ex-wife Christine Baumgartner out of the family manse. According to Kevin, Christine is squatting in HIS house because, according to their prenup, she was supposed to get out within 30 days of her May 1 divorce filing. And even though Kevin gave her $1 million to find a Santa Barbara shack to rent she hasn’t packed her bags because now she wants almost $250K a month in child support to maintain the, ahem, “quality of life their three teenage kids are accustomed to" and he says Christine is holding the mansion  hostage until she’s guaranteed a big pay day. Now, all of that seems true given that Christine has ALLEGEDLY said she will only move when the court orders Kevin to cough up a dump truck of money.

My Thought: Is it too late for Kev and Chrissie to adopt me? I mean, as one of their children, I could get by on about $100K a month … a bargain in my mind.

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We’ve all had bad hair days … well, not me, mine always looks fabulous ... but poor Lana Del Rey had the Bad Hair Day to end all Bad Hair Days. Scheduled to perform at Glastonbury, alongside Guns N’ Roses, Lizzo, and Rick Astley, Lana was set to take the stage at 10:30 PM but failed to show for an embarrassingly long time because ... wait for it ... her hair took longer than anticipated; Lana acknowledged that her set might get cut short too because her mop wouldn't cooperate.

My Thought: Lana should’a slapped a wing on her melon because, as if on cue, and in mid-song, her set ended at her scheduled end time.

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As the Writer’s Guild of America [WGA] strike rages on, most actors are supporting the writers’ demands for better living wages in the age of digital streaming. It’s all about what is fair, unless you’re Kim Kardastrophe and only care about what’s fair to you. And what’s fair to Kimmy is crossing a picket line to film a wee spot in next season’s American Horror Story … I won’t be watching … and took to Twitter to talk about working, causing writer’s all through Hollywood, who are not writing for TV and Movies, to post on Twitter that Kim Kardastrophe … not to be confused with Meryl Streep but perhaps with the woman who brings Meryl her coffee ... is an idiot and a scab.

My Thought: I might be wrong, but I think the plot of this next season of AHS is the frightening idea that porn stars turned media whores think they’re actors. They’re not.

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Speaking of Hollywood couples splitting up, the low-rent version of Kevin and Christine, AKA Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling, are also separating. But unlike the Costner split, this time it’s the man causing all the fuss, with Dean now claiming that for nearly two decades after the two began cheating with one another on their former spouses and then divorced those spouses and married one another, that he is a  victim of “entitled” Tori and her endless “demands” and that he tried anything and everything to please his wife. But then, after nearly two decades, he realized that Tori was using “their marital problems to stay relevant” and so Deano is dunzo.

My Thought: Tori has never been relevant. And Dean deserves what he gets because he picked her, schtupped her, divorced his wife, married her and then made a bushel of babies.

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The reason for the existence of Maury Povich’s “talk” show was to have people on who f**ked one another, leaving the girl pregnant and wondering if the Baby Daddy was the Baby Daddy. It all boiled down to Maury reading a sheet of paper and announcing, “You are the father,” or “You are not the father,’ and cheers and tears would follow. But, after nearly sixty years … I kid, it only felt like sixty years, Maury got the ax so what is he supposed to do? Well, he’s actually selling at-home paternity tests to so people can test themselves at home.

My Thought: How much will Maury charge to travel to each home for the reveals?

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Snarky Thoughts

Here in America many people think of Canada as that ideal place to live free and easy, but it does have its problems from what I’ve heard; there are violations of the rights of marginalized groups, abuses by Canadian mining companies, and one issue that has pushed why Canadian MP Matt Jeneroux  to the breaking point and filing an “official grievance” with the House of Commons: not a single tour date has been announced for Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour.

My Thought: Free healthcare, low unemployment rates, unusually friendly people and no Taylor Swift? Packing my bags now.

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Are you up for more Kevin Costner divorce drama? I told you last week that the future ex-Missus Costner, Christine Baumgartner, was refusing to move out of the couple’s California Manse despite it being a condition of their pre-nup, and now there’s a new hiccup. It seems that Costner’s ex-tenant—why are multi-millionaire movie stars taking in renters?—tech entrepreneur Daniel Starr might have become a bit too cozy with Christine. A source claims the two “hung out a lot” while Kevin was away filming, and when Kevin got wind of it, he “hit the roof.” Lawyers eventually got involved, and Daniel was forced to move.

My Thought: Unless you really need the extra income to pay off your mansion mortgage, maybe getting a man to rent the guest house and become BFFs with your wife while you’re away isn’t the smartest thing to do.

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Sarah Jessica Parker, clearly reeling from all the press that Kim Cattrall is getting over her upcoming cameo in And Just Like That, has called the press to reflect on her relationship with Robert Downey Jr. She now says that she was “angry and embarrassed” during their romance, which took place amid his struggles with substance abuse because people around him “would be dismissive of me, but I had given him stability and tried to create a steady heartbeat that allowed him to show up on time.”

My Thought: She’s mentioning an old relationship that no one but SJP remembers—they were together from 1984 through 1991 and he didn’t get sober until twelve years after they broke up—just to make herself feel better about her little TV reboot?

PS In 1991 SJP met Matthew Broderick and they were married in 1997 and have three children, but by all means gush about how great you were to Downey Jr.

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Dean McDermott, AKA Mr. Tori Spelling, recently announced his separation from his wife on social media—“It’s with great sadness and a very very heavy heart that after 18 years together and 5 amazing children, that [Tori] and I have decided to go our separate ways, and start a new journey of our own. We will continue to work together as loving parents and guide and love our children through this difficult time.”—and then just as quickly deleted the post. It seemed like another attempt at media whoring their lives but, I dunno, maybe not. Last week McDermott was seen without his wedding ring as he hauled boxes and duffel bags of his things into a Los Angeles-area storage unit. He is said to have looked “morose” that day, wearing sunglasses, distressed jean shorts and a white T-shirt that notably showed off his large tattoo of Spelling. For her part, Tori has remained mum on the split publicity stunt but was seen wearing a “Boys Lie” T-shirt  while McDermott was busy moving his belongings.

My Thought: You live by social media, you will die by social media. And the cynic in me thinks these two fools will try to spin a reality show out of their ruined marriage.

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Snarky Thoughts

I like it when rich privileged celebrities get checked, especially at an airport. Take Marlon Wayans, for example, who was set to board a United flight to Kansas City where he was set to perform. Marlon had three bags to carry-on and we all know the limit is one; he was asked to consolidate the three bags to two bags before taking his First-Class seat, and then told one of the bags would be checked. Marlon got pissy, slammed his ticket on the counter and boarded the plane. Security was called and Marlon was removed, and then took to social media to play the Poor Rich Celebrity card; he can’t believe they would treat one of their first-class passengers in such a horrific manner … that’s for Coach. Wayans took to social media to blame United for him missing his KC gig, and then said he was getting a DM from United who would, no doubt, apologize, and fly him to KC on the wings of a dove. Not so fast … Marlon says United did reach out to him but it was only to stand behind their policy.

My Thought: Once again, celebrities, rules should apply to everyone, including mega-star … hold for laughter … Marlon Wayans.

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Well, it looks like the Surprise Divorce between Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner is gonna get messy. We know Christine’s filing was a surprise for Kevin, who says he wasn’t sleeping around this time and he did not impregnate anyone on the Yellowstone so the drama is now that, according to the couple’s prenup Christine is supposed to vacate the manse, but she has now decided not to leave.

My Thought: Maybe Christine saw herself living in a much smaller home without the perks of a movie star husband, and is changing her mind? The sudden loss of coins can do that, you know.

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Anita Baker announced last week that legendary record producer Kenneth Babyface Edmonds will no longer be part of her 15-city “Songstress Tour” due to the online harassment she has allegedly faced from his fans. See, it all began with a sound system problem that would have had Anita’s headlining portion of the tour delayed for over an hour so it was decided that Babyface would not go on. And that’s when his fans went after Baker online, so hard, that she deemed it necessary to remove him from the tour; Babyface has complained that it’s unfair because he was a co-headliner.

My Thought: It can’t be a co-headlining tour because it’s called Songstress and last I checked Baker was the one who had an album called The Songstress, and a songstress is a female singer.

My Other Thought: who knew Babyface’s fans could go so hard?

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Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, Erika Jayne says she stopped keeping track of all the men she’s f**ked over the years because she’s too old to remember all of them.

My Thought: I imagine the same can be said of hookers? Look, Erika, have all the sex you want, but to brag that you’ve been done so many times you can’t even recall them, is a pathetic, thirsty move.

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Snarky Thoughts

That old saying … everything old is new again is still old … if you’re former Grey’s Anatomy actor Katherine Heigl. I mean, it was over thirteen years ago that Heigl publicly dissed her paycheck by saying the writing on the show was low quality and she worked too much and then quit the show for a film career that went nowhere, and now she’s talking about it again.

My Thought: Heigl, set to co-star with that bastion of straight man energy, John Travolta, thinks the best way to get attention is to talk about what a spoiled brat she was on her last big gig? Sorry, hon.

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Now that Vin Diesel’s and Duane Johnson have kissed and made up—Johnson is set to return to the Fast and Furious franchise—Vin needs another person to blame for the bad things in life … like the reviews and box office for Fast X. Diesel is now blaming newcomer Jason Momoa‘s “overacting” on the film’s terrible reviews.

My Thought: I know the glare from your oversized melon may be clouding your vision but take a look in the mirror Vin and see what the two movies have in common and that might explain the lack of interest.

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After six years of dating, and all kinds of rumors an impending wedding, Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn broke up just as Swifty started her Eras Tour and quicker than you could say Damn she’s thirsty for attention, Swifty fell in love hooked up with bad boy—rumored to be a racist, homophobic drug addict—Matty Healy. Swifty even gushed from the stage one night that this was the happiest she’d ever been in her whole life.

My Thought: I hope she has a good memory and can hold onto that thought because Swifty and her happiness just broke up after a few weeks of dating.

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Remy Ma—she’s a rapper, I Googled her for y’all—recently celebrated her 43rd birthday but she claims she’s only thirty-five; oh, not because she’s not feeling 43 and trying to hide her age. Remy Ma is 43 but she was in jail for six years, and there were those two years of COVID restrictions and lockdowns, so she’s just thirty-five.

My Thought: I just heard of Remy Ma and she has become the biggest fool I’ve seen. I just subtracted 5 minutes from my life for posting this.

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From the Height of Delusional file comes word that Kim Kardastrophe wants y’all to know she’s shy in the bedroom. Kimmy was sharing her bedroom shyness on her TV show while discussing how Cher  and her much younger boyfriend, Alexander Edwards, were seen making out at a party:

“I would just be insecure.”

And then Kimmy said she prefers to make love get banged with the lights off.

My Thought: She likes the lights off during sex unless she's filming it, like she did with Ray J, so That Woman could sell the video for a reality show career. Oh, and shy in the bedroom doesn't translate to paparazzi shots and magazine covers where Kimmy shows everything to everyone all at once.

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Snarky Thoughts

It was just a few years back that Dwayne Johnson, er, The Rock, foot-stomped, head-snapped, and hissed that he would never EVER return to the Fast and Furious franchise and yet he made a cameo at the end of this last epic, and then announced that he’ll star in a standalone movie as his character Luke Hobbs. Johnson also said that he and Vin Diesel have smooched and become BFFs again so that they can preserve and protect all these films that are really just the same film in different spots on the globe.

My Thought: Dwayne’s last movie Black Adam was such a bomb he went crawling back to the last thing he did that made money and pressed his lips to Diesel’s ass and cashed that check.

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Scientology rapist Danny Masterson was found guilty of rape this week. The jury found him guilty on two counts of rape but were deadlocked on the third. Masterson could have faced more than 40 years in prison for all three charges, but the attorneys say it is unclear how much time he will spend bending over for the soap on “just two” counts.

My Thought: Just two counts of rape? I guess that means you get to rape at least twice to get a light sentence but should think again about that third assault?

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If it’s June and you’re as Thirsty as Kate Hudson then it’s that time of year again to bare the tits and ass on Instagram. And so Goldie’s spawn spent Memorial Day Weekend lounging by the pool with her kids—topless—and posted:

“Suns out, buns (and huns) out #summerready.”

My Thought: Somewhere Madonna and Halle Berry are stripping off their bikini tops and bottoms for a pool day photo because The Thirst is real.

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Like his pal Robert DeNiro, eighty-three-year-old Al Pacino is set to become a dad for the fourth time after it was revealed that his 29-year-old girlfriend, Noor Alfallah, is eight months pregnant. If all goes as planned Al will be over 100 years old when the kid graduates from high school.

My Thought: Will they do a Weekend at Bernie’s thing and prop the corpse up in a chair, or just make things easy and roll a coffin down the aisle?

PS Al’s oldest child is four years older than his current Baby Mama.

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Clearly she has a type. Fifty-one-year-old Erika Jayne was spotted on what appeared to be a Las Vegas date with recently arrested seventy-one-year-old lawyer Jim Wilkes II amid her divorce from eighty-three-year-old disgraced former attorney Tom Girardi.

My Thought: She likes ‘em legal, decades older, and in trouble with the law. She really is a Pretty Mess.

PS Wilkes wants y’all to know he and Erika aren’t dating because he still lives with his wife and they aren’t dating so don’t say that!

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Snarky Thoughts

Beyoncé and Jay-Z are reportedly the new owners of the most expensive house in California after they plunked down $200 million in cash for this, um, er, prison house … in Malibu. There are some 40,000 square feet in the house and it sits on 8 coastal acres.

My Thought: It would have been, I’m guessing, cheaper to buy San Quentin and turn it into a huge-ass house and you’d have City and Bay Views.

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I love Rita Moreno but the 91-year-old star and I will come to blows if she keeps this shiz up. Rita attended a performance of the new Broadway show “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window”—she played the female lead in its 1964 original run—and after the show she got a little flirty with the show’s star, one Oscar Isaac, telling him:

“I have a thing for brooding actors. I dated Marlon Brando, you know.”

Isaac, who’s married with two children, said Brando was a tough act to follow.

My Thought: I saw him first Rita and if anyone gets him, it will be me. Ninety-one or not, I will take you down.

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Now that Alec Baldwin is finally free from the manslaughter charges he’s gone back to being his impish lovable self … and by that I mean he’s once more acting like a self-entitled prick. Recently Alec and his wife, non-Latina Hilaria attended the 2023 PEN American Spring Literary Gala in New York and spies claim that the drama started when Baldwin stood up to chat with someone as “the line of servers come all at once to deliver the meals.” One female server got stuck behind Baldwin’s ample ass ego and when she passed and began setting dinners down he was not happy; the woman—who does not wish to be named—explains:

“I was going to feed the head of the table but that’s who he was talking to, so I go up to him and I say, ‘I’m sorry sir, but we’re going to have servers walking through the tables here in a minute.'”

And that’s when gracious star boorish pig Baldwin snapped:

“So when is it a good time to talk to my friends? Do I have to explain it to you?”

Not wanting to exacerbate the situation, she said she needed no explanation and he replied:

“Well then step aside.”

As she walked away he called her a peasant.

My Thought: If you can’t get him on manslaughter charges maybe you can charge him with being an overrated untalented dick.

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Oh this is rich, trying to act like an everywoman. It seems the internets are going nuts because Kim Kardashian is acting “like she’s middle class” and “complaining” about her struggles as a single mom. The woman—who shares North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm with ex-husband Kanye West—said on Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose” podcast that parenting is “really f—king hard.”

But some listeners weren’t having a billionaire with a full staff and a ninny for each of her children complain about being a single mom.

My Thought: If The Kardastrophe’s stays on Hulu for another year, send Kim to a two-bedroom bungalow in South Central and get her a job at the neighborhood bodega to show her what real single parenthood is like.

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Julia Fox, another Kanye West cast-off, is also very Kardastrophe-like, in trying to get attention for just showing up at an event.

At the Art of Elysium 25th anniversary party in Cannes last week Fox showed up in a clear glass bra top and Klan Skirt. The structural corset top looked like it was made from a piece of glass in the form of a disfigured elephant dick held up by a clear piece of string and freeing her nipples.

For more casual wear Fox did some early morning LA shopping in slippers, a t-shirt and blazer, and a pair of men’s underwear.

My Thought: I have none. I don’t know who she is, and don’t know why people are running around photographing her at events to which she should not be invited. I guess schtupping Kanye gets you a pass?

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