Showing posts with label Mike Johnson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mike Johnson. Show all posts

Monday, May 18, 2026

Ain't That America XLII

Another week down, another week of Cankles working to enrich the billionaire class, and himself, while telling We The People he doesn’t care about our financial situations … or Florida calling surrogacy a form of slavery especially when used by same-sex couples … Cankles wanting to send the military into polling places … with a few laughs courtesy the Cankles Gold Phone and US Ambassador to Greece, Kimberly “Big Mac Lips” Guilfoyle opening a McDonald’s  … lunacy from the mouth of a CouchFucker and the Oklahoma GOP … so let’s dig in …

While the Cankles Regime spent billions on immigration enforcement and mass deportations, the Criminal-In-Chief invested in Palantir Technologies, a company contracted with immigration enforcement agencies.

In early 2026, Palantir struck a billion-dollar deal with DHS to use the company’s software in the deportation surge. Palantir also has a contract surpassing a billion dollars with the Pentagon to develop AI systems that help orchestrate attacks.

This is the grift.

 

Also grift is the 30 billionaire CEOs Cankles flew with him to China. He had no intention of making like better for We The People, he used the trip to enrich the only part of his base that he gives a fuck about.

 

Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier is attempting to strip legal parentage from families who conceive children using a genetic donor, launching an attack on one same-sex couple that has sweeping ramifications for thousands more—including heterosexual and adoptive parents—by arguing that Florida’s surrogacy contract language violates the 13th Amendment’s prohibition on slavery, and, more sweepingly, that the state constitution bars biological parents from transferring parental rights at all.

This is hate, plain and simple.

 

Tennessee GOP House Speaker Cameron Sexton has barred all 24 House Democrats from standing committees and subcommittees for participating in a protest during a special session on redistricting.

The two-and-a-half-hour session ended with a vote to redraw congressional maps, which ultimately demolished a majority-Black voting district.

They are limiting the vote of people of color, so how do you spell racism? GOP.

 

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s recent decision on gerrymandering, Louisiana GOP Governor Jeff Landry suspended the state’s primary elections, even though tens of thousands of votes had already been cast and now he intends to toss those votes.

That is the clear definition of GOP voter suppression.

 

The numbers are bearing out what many lawmakers feared: Americans can’t afford health insurance through the federal marketplaces without boosted subsidies which congressional Republicans declined to extend in December.

You know, cuz they were giving tax breaks to billionaires and couldn’t be bothered about healthcare for their constituents.

 

Cankles says he won’t rule out deploying troops or federal agents to the polls during the upcoming midterm elections, saying he wants to have honest elections.

Accomplished only by sending soldiers to the polls.

Keep in mind that nearly every single election in this country has been honest except for the one Cankles lost and that’s why he’s having this hissy fit and working to suppress the vote.

 

Cankles' handpicked contractor was charging $1.8 million to paint the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool blue but the cost has jumped to $13.1 million. 

Cankles is quite the businessman, awarding a firm on a no-bid contract then letting them change the costs by $12 million.

The grift continues.

 

Hunter Rivera, the 24-year-old chairman of the Weld County Republican Party, was one of two men arrested on suspicion of trying to buy sex from Larimer County Sheriff’s Office investigators who posed as minors as part of an operation targeting child predators. 

Every single day it looks like the GOP protects pedophiles because so many of them are pedophiles.

The $499 Cankles smart-phone has sparked fresh scrutiny after a new rendering shows the device retaining its gaudy gold exterior but replacing a previously advertised triangular camera layout with a straight row of lenses on the back.

More striking, the flag design itself has been altered: while the American flag has 13 stripes representing the original colonies, the new renderings show the flag with just 11 stripes in one video clip and just 9 in another.

The phone also looks very much like a Chinese-made handset available at Walmart for $127.99—roughly the same price as the $100 deposit customers paid a year ago for the  gold phone they have yet to receive.

Grift.

 

Kimberly Guilfoyle, Junior’s former side-piece and current US ambassador to Greece, gushed over her ribbon-cutting in Athens last week … for a new McDonald’s:

“An exciting day for Greece! It was my honor to participate in the ribbon cutting for a brand-new McDonald’s at The Mall in Athens, the most technologically advanced McDonald’s in all of Europe! American businesses investing here create jobs and bring American culture—and delicious food—to the Greek people.”

Opening a McDonald’s.

 

Little Mike Johnson had a meltdown on Fox News about "mini-Mamdanis" popping up everywhere and then accidentally told the whole country exactly why Republicans are about to get crushed:

"Mini-Mamdanis ... [are] avowed to socialist Marxist ideology. This is something we have never seen before in American history. This is about moving away from a constitutional republic to a communist utopian ideology. And that's a dangerous thing for the future of the country."

No, Mikey, it's about moving toward an ideology that gets things done for the people, not the oligarchs. And these "mini-Mamdanis" are gaining traction ... Graham Platner in Maine ... Brian Poindexter in Pennsylvania ... Abdul El-Sayed in Michigan ... running on Mamdani-style platforms and scaring the hell out of Republicans and corporate.

Mamdani inherited a $12 billion deficit from the corrupt Eric Adams administration and erased it without slashing public services, or raising taxes on working New Yorkers; he's investing $122 million to hire 1,000 new teachers and turned the blocks in front of 50 NYC public schools into car-free "Soccer Streets" so kids can play in celebration of the World Cup.

And now Little Mike Johnson is running scared because of Democratic Socialists taking over from his party of Nationalist Christians AKA Nat-C’s.

Virginia GOP Representative Jen Kiggans is facing calls to resign after expressing agreement with a radio host’s remarks that Democrat House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries get “his cotton-picking hands off of Virginia” and then adding:

“That’s right. Ditto. Yes. Yes, to that.”

Now she says she never agreed with the radio host.

Again, the not every GOPer is racist but nearly all racists identify as Republican.

Oklahoma Republicans are saying banning child marriage is “government interference,” but banning abortion is not.

Make them make sense.

 

JD “Couchfucker” Vance spoke at the National Peace Officers’ Memorial Service this week and uttered this line:

“So long as [Cankles] is the president, and so long as I am the vice president, we will never again let policy makers in the building behind us allow violent criminals to tee off on our police officers.”

Um, JD? You moronic tool? Wasn’t it your party that did nothing before, during, and after, Cankles sent a mob to the Capitol and those MAGAts attacked and killed police officers?

Stay in your lane, traitor.

 

Texas GOP Senator John Cornyn introduced legislation to name US Highway 287 in honor of [Cankles]. The I-47 Future Interstate Act would rename the roughly 1,800-mile corridor, which runs from Port Arthur, Texas, to Choteau, Montana, as the [Cankles] Interstate.

No surprise that Cornyn is doing this since he’s up for reelection and needs the help of a con artist so he’s sucking orange mushroom dick to save his ass.

 

Cankles shared a Truth Social post this week calling for the arrest of Barack Obama, accusing the former president of treason, without evidence.

Sounds about white cuz Cankles knows he will never be as smart as Obama, or as respected as Obama, and will go down in history as the worst president ever while Obama sits at the top of that list.

 

Then, regular as clockwork, Louisiana  GOP Senator John Kennedy, AKA Foghorn Leghorn, says Barack Obama stole $120 million that he ALLEGEDLY earned through ownership of Obamacare.

Once again, please remember, every GOP accusation is an admission because it was a completely made-up and nonsensical ‘quote’ that originated with a ‘satire’ website.

Once again, the GOP is made up of idiots.

 

This just in ... Flori-duh GOP Representative Byron Donalds, a Black man, claims it’s the Democrats who “systematically discriminated against” Black Americans in the South which was why we needed the 1965 Voting Rights Act.

Now, he says that “if you look at the last 30 years in America, there is no systematic discrimination [and so] no racial gerrymandering today.”

Then, Byron, explain why Tennessee and Louisiana and Alabama are gerrymandering districts to reduce Black representation in government.

Seriously, the stupid …

 

Cankles told Fox News that he was “seriously considering making Venezuela the 51st state” after abducting the country’s president Nicolas Maduro because, ahem, “Venezuela loves [him].”

But there are just two reasons he made this statement:

1] He’s a rapist and child molester trying to deflect from the Epstein scandal, and

B] He’s a grifter trying to steal that oil profit for himself.

Facts.

 

GOP Wyoming Representative Harriet Hageman is one of the most vocal critic of the Southern Poverty Law Center and has steadfastly tried to tie the organization to ... well, let her say it:

“The Aryan Nation, the Nazis, and the KKK are not far-right organizations. Those are far-left organizations, and they always have been. The KKK was created and started by the Democrats in the United States to prevent blacks from being able to participate in the political arena, if you will. So, I’m going to say they’ve never been associated with the right, they’ve always been associated with the left.”

Which is explains why everywhere you go Democrats are dressing as Nazis and the Klan and wave Confederate flags.

Seriously, Wyoming, you voted out Liz Cheney for this?

Hawaii just became the first state in the entire country to end Citizen’s United; a bold move that will put elections back in the hands of We The People and not the billionaire class.

If we want to save our Democracy we need to do this in every state.

 

The Cultural Landscape Foundation and its founder, Charles Birnbaum sued over Cankles’ Trump’s Reflecting Pool project, arguing the renovation at the National Mall violates environmental and preservation laws and the blue paint coating is “altering the historic character” of the Reflecting Pool without authority.

Well, let’s be fair, he’s doing it for the money.

And how do we end this bull shiz plaguing America? Well …

Monday, May 04, 2026

Ain't That America XL

The war in Iran ended this week … and then started up again … and then it was over and then it wasn’t over … and the Strait of Hormuz opened and closed and opened and closed and then opened and closed again … a Slovenian Hooker, married to the most divisive hate-filled pig on Earth, took to the media to whine about a comedian making a joke of her … Oh Melanie, but ya’are a joke, ya’are … the GOP is suddenly all on board for the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and suddenly want We The People to pay for that … and the war … and the tariffs and higher gas and higher food prices and less healthcare and childcare … boy, it’s costs us a buttload of money to Make America Great Again, don’t it?

According to Nationalist Christian, AKA Nat-C, Little Mike Johnson, the Secret Service needs to “tighten up” and rethink their security protocols after an ALLEGED assassin stormed a security checkpoint at the recent White House Correspondents’ dinner.

Funny, there was a photo of Little Mike scurrying from the event surrounded by Secret Service.

God sees you lying, Mike, and She’s not happy.

 

In no way to make the shooting seem like another staged event Cankles’ DOJ is not talking about guns and gunmen but is using the ALLEGED assassination attempt to justify building the $400 million Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ and demanding that preservationists drop their lawsuit over the building.

If a ballroom stopped gunmen wouldn’t every school in the country already have one?

Cankles says he views his repeated brushes with violence as a sign of his historic significance:

“I’ve studied assassinations, and I must tell you, the most impactful people, the people that do the most … they’re the ones that they go after and I hate to say I’m honored by that, but I’ve done a lot.”

He said he’s studied??? The man falls asleep and shits his pants during Cabinet meetings.

 

Texas GOP Representative and MAGAt Chip Roy is furious :::: foot stomp neck snap :::: that children in Texas took a poll and were asked what language was spoken in their homes and Spanish was Number 1  … English came in fourth.

Roy, for the record, was raised by a French-speaking mother and learned Spanish at an early age.

 

Former Fox News himbo and current Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy says that Spirit Airlines suddenly shut down all business over the weekend because of … wait for it, it’s hilarious … Joe Biden:

“There was a proposed merger between JetBlue and Spirit, and Joe Biden and Pete Buttigieg, along with the Biden DOJ, decided that they did not want that merger to take place.”

But Sean, please to explain the fact that Spirit Airlines said they closed their doors because the war in Iran raised the cost of jet fuel so high that they could no longer afford to fly.

 

DINO, Democrat in Name Only, John Fetterman, is again joining hands with the GOP, this time to demand the Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™ be built to protect the president from ALLEGED assassination attempts at future White House Correspondents’ Dinners.

Trouble is, Fetterman, the Correspondents’ Dinner is a private event that would not be held on federal property even if there was a ridiculous gold-plated ballroom existed.

 

Cankles was captured falling down to the ground as Secret Service agents ushered him away from the dais after that ALLEGED assassination attempt, but now Cankles says he went down at the urging of Secret Service agents, not because he fell.

“I started walking, and they said, ‘Please go down, please go down on the floor.’”

He also told this story:

“[I started to walk out] a little bent over but the agents said, ‘please go down to the floor, please go down to the floor.”

Funny, cuz Melanie didn’t go to the floor because she wasn’t being paid to lay down on the floor.

 

Cankles wants to rename the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement [ICE] as the National Immigration and Customs Enforcement AKA NICE.

But to be fair, the name ICEstapo works better for the agency that kills Americans in the street and in detention centers.

 

This Just In From The Slovenian Hooker …

“Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His monologue about my family isn’t comedy—his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America. People like Kimmel shouldn’t have the opportunity to enter our homes each evening to spread hate.”

Odd coming from the woman whose husband celebrated the death of Robert Mueller, and laughed at the murders of Rob and Michele Reiner … the man who said nothing about his own party making jokes about Minnesota Representative Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark, being murdered in their home … the man whose own family joked about the attempted murder of Nancy Pelosi’s husband, Paul … the man who said he wouldn’t care if Joe Biden died …

So, Melanie, shut your fucking mouth and clean up your own house before you play the victim … AGAIN.

 

Both GOP Senator and cult member Mike Lee, and Cankles’ lapdog Pee Wee German’s wife Katie Miller sent out Tweets after the ALLEGED assassination attempt slamming the New York Times for not covering the story. Luckily, Keith Olbermann was there to explain how time works:

“Children: you’re looking at the early editions printed last night at 8 PM. Maybe if you could find an adult … she could explain to you how to tell time.”

The image of the print version of the New York Times shared by Miller and Lee went to press at 8PM and the ALLEGED assassination attempt had not yet happened. On Sunday morning the NYT had the full story on the front page.

Cankles’ shared a series of posts on X including an AI-generated image depicting himself and top officials in the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

Clearly, the Cankles in the photo was using AI-generated Ozempic.

 

After that ALLEGED assassin traveled cross-country via Amtrak to stage an ALLEGED assassination attempt, Amtrak announced they are considering allowing people to store guns in lockboxes on most of its trains. Amtrak says they’ve been considering the policy change since early this year, after being pressured by Cankles’ Regime to ease restrictions on transporting weapons and …

Wait, the Cankles Regime asked Amtrak to ease restrictions on transporting weapons just a few months before an ALLEGED assassin used Amtrak to travel cross-country with guns to stage a shooting?

Seriously, you cannot make this shiz up.

Cankles said he’d wear a bulletproof vest in the future in the aftermath of an ALLEGED  third assassination attempt but says it might make him look fat.

Fatter. Fatter. Thought the extra padding around the gut might take some of the glare off the extra thick Depends on the ass.

 

60 Minutes correspondent Norah O’Donnell caught Cankles in a revealing moment while asking about the manifesto of the ALLEGED assassin who stormed the White House Correspondents’ dinner saying that Cole Thomas Allen wrote, “I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.” O’Donnell asked Cankles his reaction, to which he shrieked:

“Well, I was waiting for you to read that because I knew you would, because you’re horrible people. Horrible people. Yeah, he did write that. I’m not a rapist. I didn’t rape anybody.”

That’s when O’Donnell asked:

“Oh, you think—do you think he was referring to you?”

Aaaaaaaand scene!

As the Iran war has pushed the global economy into an oil crisis and gas prices reach a four-year high—I know y’all may have higher prices but a few months ago gas was $2.50 a gallon and now it’s $3.99—Americans’ ratings of the Cankles Regime on several issues are deeply underwater.

Roughly 76%  disapprove of his handling of the cost of living, while 72% disapprove of how he’s handling inflation. Seven in ten Americans think he’s dishonest—where are the 3 in 10 living—while 60% say he does not have the mental sharpness to serve as president.

Best of all, among registered voters, 49% say that they would vote for the Democratic candidate if midterms were held today and 44% say they would vote for the Republican.

Keep all of this in mind and remember:

Monday, March 30, 2026

Ain't That America XXXVI

Another week and the war that isn’t a war rages on, with the threat of ground troops and a President who has said he’s now bored by the whole thing. How comforting to the families who’ve lost loved ones or have had loved ones injured in the war to know that Cankles isn’t enjoying himself any longer. So, what else is happening …

Cankles, who has long railed against mail-in voting and calling it “mail-in-cheating” voted by mail in a Florida special election last week.

I wonder if he’s going to call his vote mail-in cheating after Democrat Emily Gregory won the election and now represents Cankles’ district in the Florida state house.

 

Vermont Democrat Senator Peter Welch and Connecticut Democrat Senator Richard Blumenthal released new information on payments made under a subcontract issued to The Strategy Group as part of the $220 million advertising campaign for recently-canned Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem. 

Expenses included a $60,000 “signing bonus” to Strategy Group, a $20,000 horse rental, $4,000 in hair and makeup services, $52,599 to videography, photography, and production vendors, $100,000 in labor costs, $500 to Magic Makers, Inc, a magic store in Sioux Falls Idaho plus $42,000 to “other” venders for a total of $286,000 in taxpayer dollars for Noem to film commercials.

DogKiller, adulterer, grifter and thief.

 

Cankles, who for years has played Elvis Presley’s music at his campaign rallies and often compared himself to Presley, went to Graceland last week while his illegal war raged in Iran,

Let that sink in.

 

Saudi Arabia’s de facto leader, Prince Mohammed bin Salman, has been pushing Cankles to continue the illegal war against Iran, arguing that the US-Israeli military campaign presents a “historic opportunity” to remake the Middle East.

So now he’s taking war advice from the country of the 9/11 hijackers.

Let that sink in.

MAGAt Republican Lauren “The Groper” Boebert has once again tried curry favor with Cankles by praising the installation of the ICEstapo in airports by posting a video on her social media:

“ICE agents show up at airports. While the rest of our country has three-plus-hour waits—thanks Democrats—in Minneapolis Airport’s TSA, wait time right now is less than five minutes.”

And then she added “you can’t make this stuff up!!” Only, she can and she did make it all up, There were no ICEstapo agents at  Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, or any other airports in Minnesota.

Before Kristi DogKiller Noem was even out the door after getting fired, her more than 10 framed glamour shots hanging on the walls of one of her Washington offices were being taken down by staff.

Her replacement, Markwayne Mullin, began work right away, undoing the unprecedented regulations that Noem and her lover, Corey Lewandowski, had imposed across the department.

Wait, so then even the GOP knew she was a grifting con artist?

 

Matt Schlapp, head of the American Conservative Union, led the crowd at CPAC [Conservative Political Action Conference] in an unintentional cheer for Cankles’ impeachment when he asked the audience:

“How many of you would like to see impeachment hearings?”

The crowd cheered and Schlapp stammered:

“That was the wrong answer. We’ll try it again. How many of you would like to see impeachment hearings?”

And again the crowd cheered.

Despite these alleged peace talks, Pete Hegseth would rather the killings continue because according to DUI Pete “we negotiate with bombs” when it comes to Iran.

War criminals all of them, and when the Cankles runs to Russia and Saudi Arabia to hide I hope they drag Hegseth into court and sentence him for his murderous reign.

 

Melanie held something called the "Melanie’s Fostering the Future Together Global Coalition Summit at the US State Department" which was about education and spent all of eight minutes in attendance saying:

“As people we dream. As leaders we progress. As nations we will build. Beginning today, let’s accelerate our new global alliance, this bond, to positively impact the progress of our children.”

The only thing "accelerating" was Melanie running out of the building like a Slovenian Hooker on the stroll and making it clear she doesn’t give a shiz about education.

Fuck her.

 

Mike “The Littlest” Johnson and the GOP gave the first-ever 'America First award' to Cankles. Johnson handed a gold eagle statue and said the event would be an annual honor.

With Cankles winning every year.

Minnesota Republican Representative Elliott Engen was arrested last week on suspicion of drunk driving. White Bear Lake Police Chief Dale Hager said that officers pulled over a vehicle for traffic violations, including speeding, expired tabs and a broken headlight and arrested Engen for suspicion of driving while impaired after blowing a BAC of .13.

Engen once said Democrats are “drunk at the wheel on systemic fraud.” Oops.

The Senate voted last week to fund the Department of Homeland Security except for the ICEstapo, raising the prospect of an end to a weekslong partial shutdown that has strained federal workers and caused long waits at airports. The package will next be considered by the House, which was scheduled to convene last Friday morning.

This is another win for Democrats.

 

Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska who has harshly criticized the Cankles Regime for keeping Congress in the dark on combat operations in Iran has begun drafting legislation that would force lawmakers to vote for the first time on whether to authorize the war.

Let’s see how many Republicans will stand with the Constitution against their Cult Leader.

 

Due to the impact on resources from the longstanding government shutdown, Delta airlines temporarily suspended all specialty services to members of Congress. Delta has long operated a special congressional service desk that helped members of Congress book trips at government rates, make last-minute ticketing changes and even reserve seats on multiple flights on the same day to accommodate congressional votes.

Delta CEO Ed Bastian suspended that service and said the TSA agents who screen passengers at airports are being used as “political chips” in congressional negotiations over DHS funding.

The resistance.

 

Cankles’ approval rating ​fell again to its lowest point since he returned to the White House due to an illegal war, the high price of gasoline, and his fucking ineptitude.

And then we had a booming turnout across the country and around the world for No Kings Day; estimates suggest between 8 and ten million in the US alone! The Resistance is real, and we played our part in lil ol’ Columbia, South Carolina where thousands turned out.

Keep it up and never forget: