Showing posts with label Samantha Bee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Samantha Bee. Show all posts

Friday, June 01, 2018

I Didn't Say It ...


Nicolle Wallace, former White House Director of Communications for W, former senior adviser for the McCain–Palin campaign, anchor of MSNBC's "Deadline: White House," and registered Republican until 2016 before registering as an Independent after _____ won the election, on “Spygate”:

“We will show you his outlandish claims made on the South Lawn of the White House. But instead of waiting until after you hear those remarks from the president to fact check them, we want to warn you in advance that his meandering comments include lies about the nature of the surveillance of his campaign as well as smears on the former FBI director Jim Comey. Also a key witness in the Mueller investigation. Attacking Comey, we understand, is the Trump legal team’s entire strategy for defending the president in the obstruction of justice investigation, which hinges, at least in part, on Comey’s firing. We also want to tell you his new bumper sticker “Spygate” is also based on a lie. There is no evidence that anyone was spying on the Trump campaign. A counterintelligence investigation was underway. And for the president who still doesn’t seem to know what that means, let’s try this. The good guys, American law enforcement agencies, were closely watching the bad guys, American adversaries like the Russians. The reason Trump’s campaign is in the mix is because they ended up in close enough cahoots with Russians to raise suspicions. With those facts in mind, here’s the president’s performance today."

Calling out the lies! And the liar!
Brava!
John Kelly, White House chief of staff, on _____’s "zero-tolerance" policy toward immigrants who cross the border illegally, and that separating parents from their children could be a "tough deterrent":

"The children will be taken care of — put into foster care or whatever. But the big point is they elected to come illegally into the United States and this is a technique that no one hopes will be used extensively or for very long. [These immigrants are] overwhelmingly rural people. In the countries they come from, fourth-, fifth-, sixth-grade educations are kind of the norm. They don't speak English — obviously that's a big thing. They don't speak English. They don't integrate well. They don't have skills."

Taken care of … or whatever.
That’s the GOP.
‘Whatever’; since they don’t speak English or have skills and are, gasp, rural!
Donald _____, on FOX & Friends on the new NFL rule that players must now stand for the national anthem:

“I think that’s good, I don’t think people should be staying in locker rooms … You have to stand proudly for the national anthem or you shouldn’t be playing, you shouldn’t be there — maybe you shouldn’t be in the country … You have to stand proudly for the national anthem, and the NFL owners did the right thing if that’s what they’ve done.”

Ah, ‘America, love it or leave it’ is back. But why NFL players who kneel? Why not four-time draft-dodgers? What not traitors and grifters and thieves? Why not environment f**kers? Race baiters? Racists? Sexual predators? Rapists?
Get rid of _____; problem solved.
Joe Biden, on _____ and other Washington Republicans abandoning traditional American values in the name of “phony populism” and “fake nationalism”:

“This is not your father’s Republican Party. They are not who we are. They are not who America is. What they are doing is sending a vision of America around the world that is distorted. That is damaging. That is hurting us… this phony population, this fake nationalism…. It’s time to say ‘no more.’”

Run, Joe, run!
Mitt Romney, Utah Senate candidate, says he wouldn’t point to Donald _____ to serve as a role model for his grandchildren:

“I don’t think that I would point to the president as a role model for my grandkids on the basis of his personal style. He has departed in some cases from the truth and has attacked in a way that I think is not entirely appropriate.”

You flip-flopping-f**kity-f**k. When _____ was running for office, you blasted him, but when you need his support in Utah, you bent over and asked to take it, and now you’re doubling back around.
You are the worst of politics, a pandering flip-flopping-f**kity-f**k.
Diane Black, GOP Congresswoman from Tennessee, blaming pornography for school shootings:

“It’s available on the shelf when you walk in the grocery store. Yeah, you have to reach up to get it, but there’s pornography there. All of this is available without parental guidance. I think that is a big part of the root cause.”

Let’s see, GOP cause of gun violence include pornography, video games, divorce, atheism, too many doors, junk food, Ritalin and trench coats.
But it’s never too many guns in this country.
Samantha Bee, Full Frontal host, ripping Ivanka _____ for posting “the second most oblivious tweet we’ve seen this week.” as reports of immigrant children being separated from their families flood the news:

“You know, Ivanka, that’s a beautiful photo of you and your child, but, let me just say, one mother to another, do something about your dad’s immigration practices you feckless c**t. He listens to you! Put on something tight and low cut and tell your father to f**king stop it. Tell him it was an Obama thing and see how it goes.”

And, as if on cue, rightwingnuts and the White House shrieked that Bee’s choice of words was akin to Roseanne’s calling a black woman an ape, but, let’s be clear, asshats, any woman can be called a c**t no matter her age, skin color or whatever, and it’s not a very nice choice of words. But, quite simply, there is a huge difference between vulgarity and racism, and anyone with a brain knows that.
Bee has since apologized for calling Ivanka a c**t.
Thief, criminal, traitor, panderer, liar, grifter, self-entitled, out-of-touch, holier-than-thou, sweat shop owning illiterate mannequin is still good though.
John Goodman, on not paying attention to the Roseanne Barr controversy …because he was never going to win an Emmy anyway:

“I wasn’t gonna get an Emmy anyway. I’ve been up there [11] times already, and if I didn’t get one I’m not gonna get one [and] I would rather say nothing than to cause more trouble.”

Wow, so you weren’t going to win an award, so you’ll say nothing about her vile Tweets?
Silence = Acceptance
Silence = Agreement
Way to stand up, Goodman.

Friday, February 02, 2018

I Didn't Say It ...

Darren Criss, on playing Versace killer Andrew Cunanan on American Crime Story:

“People tend to forget that people’s lives are much greater than the worst things they’ve ever done … He was a famously likable guy early in his life … I’ve met so many people that have met him throughout his life that really were quite fond of him and he was famously affable … And that’s when you go, ‘okay, we’re playing a person who has gone down this destructive path and how does something so promising become something so horrible?”

He was a sociopath, so he was able to con people into thinking he was this nice guy, but his entire life was a lie and it all caught up to him.
Gus Kenworthy, openly gay Olympic skier, agreeing with openly gay figure skater Adam Rippon that homophobic Vice President Mike Pence shouldn’t be leading the Olympic delegation to the Winter Games:

“I actually found out about it from Adam Rippon’s quote about it. I feel the same way as him. I think it’s not the person I would have expected, and I think it sends mixed messages because this is the first time we’re seeing out U.S. Olympic athletes competing in the Winter Olympics, and then we have someone leading the delegation that doesn’t support that, and doesn’t support the LGBT community, and has spoken against it. I think it doesn’t send the right message. It’s unfortunate, but it is what it is.”

It’s disgusting, and I think every athlete should avoid Pence at all costs to send a message that we are not that, not any more.
Kellyanne Conway, _____’s Minister of Propaganda, on Russian interference in the U.S. election:

"Let me tell you something. Everybody who said Donald Trump couldn't win. Everybody who said the election was all wrapped up. Every screaming headline, every wrong poll, every anchor, every pundit who said, ‘This is over, it's a joke, he can't win, he can't govern,’ tried to interfere in the election. And it didn't work."

So, it was the media who interfered, Kelly? Or was it the fact that the racists and bigots and so-not-Christian evangelicals came out of the woodwork to vote for hate?
Yeah, it’s that.
Samantha Bee, on _____’s Racist In Chief, Stephen Miller:

“Who is this enterprising slime mold on the Wonder Bread of democracy? Where did he come from? Is he just 10,000 spiders who really made a commitment? What happened to him? Did a janitor once accidentally buff his forehead?”

He’s a racist. That’s all.
Bernie Marcus, Home Depot co-founder, on Democrats being elitist:

“These are things that the Pelosi and Schumer group don’t have a clue about. It’s why they lost the election, it’s as simple as that. Clinton never knew about the real people out there. That’s why they lost the election, and that’s why they’re going to lose the next election for the same reason. You’ve got to use your brains! Democrats, use your stupid brains. You don’t have any brains!”

Says the man who supported _____. 2018 is coming, tool, and you’ll be eating your words. Oh, and …
PS Boycott Home Depot to show Bernie he’s a dick.
Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, fashion and makeup challenged White House Press Secretary, on Nancy Pelosi:

“I think Nancy Pelosi looks like that all the time. I think she should smile a lot more often. I think the country would be better for it. She seems to kind of embody the bitterness that belongs in the Democrat Party right now.”

Wow. A woman should just smile so people will like her?
I think Sarah Huckleberry should try lying less often and see what happens.
Oh, and run a lawn mower through those eyebrows every now and again.
Matt Gaetz, GOP Congressman, who brought a white nationalist to the SOTU this week and is now trying to walk it back:

“I met Chuck [Johnson] just briefly before allowing him to snag a ticket that was at our office, but some of the claims against Mr. Johnson are not accurate. He’s not a holocaust denier, he’s not a white supremacist, those are unfortunate characterizations of him but I did not know he was as perhaps infamous and controversial as he was when he came by and got a free ticket. He is not guilty of the things that some people have charged him of as it relates to those claims. Look, he’s a controversial figure, there were plenty of controversial folks at the State of the Union, I don’t just cavort with people who hold my views, I think there are people on the right and on the left who you spend time with, learn more about, understand their viewpoint.”

Let’s make this completely queer:
Gaetz’s guest at the SOTU, Chuck Johnson, has a crowdfunding site that raises money to defend Nazi leader Andrew Anglin and other far-right extremists.
Chuck Johnson was banned from Twitter in 2015 after soliciting donations to “take out” Black Lives Matter activist DeRay McKesson.
That’s who Gaetz brought to SOTU and is now trying to back away from.
Sarah Jessica Parker, on Kim Cattrall’s claim they were never friends: 

“I found it very upsetting because that’s not the way I recall our experience. It’s sad, but I always think that what ties us together was this singular experience. It was a professional experience but it became personal because it was years and years of our lives, so I hope that that eclipses anything that’s been recently spoken. That many years spent doing something so special that people had a connection with it is such a privilege.”

Honey, you were co-workers. That doesn’t make you friends.
Take a seat and look at your shoe collection for a minute.