It's Snarkurday!

By now you’ve all heard about the Harvey Weinstein sexual assault storm, right? I mean, it stands at just over thirty women and Harvey looks to be making a run at Bill Cosby Accuser Numbers. Ah, being rich allows you to sexually assault women, eh, _____?

Anyway, a new wrinkle has appeared in the Weinstein Saga ... namely that Harvey’s brother, and business partner, Bob Weinstein, is the one who spilled the beans about Harvey and Little Harvey’s misdeeds.

A source—and it’s ALLEGEDLY a former staffer—saysthat Bob, who co-founded The Weinstein Company and its predecessor Miramax with Harvey, deliberately exposed his brother as a sexual predator in order to squeeze him out and take over the business; the source also says Bob might have been who tattled to the New York Times, which ran that expose on Harvey’s        ALLEGED history of sexual harassment and multiple related settlements, and says Bob has been plotting this for a long time.

Ah, sibling rivalry. I remember when my brother and I would fight over something stupid but times change and now outing your brother as a pervert to become top-dog at the family business is the new move.

And it’s made all the more skeevey because, clearly, Bob Weinstein knew all about it and said nothing for years.

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James Woods is leaving acting, and Acting replied:

“Huh? I assumed you’d already gone.”

At any rate, Woods, a Twittering Asshatted Conservative Douchebag, apparently left it up to his real estate agent, Allen Gammons, to say that Woods’ Exeter, Rhode Island property is going on the market because James is “retiring from the entertainment industry and seeking to ‘simplify his life’ by selling ‘his many real estate holdings on both coasts.’”

When I retire I’m gonna have the paperboy deliver the news with the Smallville Times ...

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It appears Nelly was put into handcuffs out in Washington this week after a woman claimed she was raped by him on his tour bus. The woman called 911 at 3:48 in the morning claiming she was sexually assaulted by Nelly on his tour bus which was parked outside a Walmart. And clearly Nelly is not a big enough celebrity to warrant special treatment because he was arrested less than an hour after the claim was made and booked on second degree rape charges. He was released a few hours later.

Nelly’s people are, naturally, claiming that he’s the victim in all this:

“Nelly is the victim of a completely fabricated allegation. Our initial investigation , clearly establishes , this allegation is devoid of credibility and is motivated by greed and vindictiveness. I am confident , once this scurrilous accusation is thoroughly investigated , there will be no charges. Nelly is prepared to address and pursue all legal avenues to redress any damage caused by this clearly false allegation.”

Funny, though, that the woman called as soon as the ALLEGED rape was over, and hasn’t asked for a dime; but still, you know, Celebrity Privilege.

And then, in other, gross, Nelly news ... there is a Twitter Video—a Twideo?—from a Nelly show of him twirling a little girl’s hair all sexy-like while performing on stage because nothing says Ick more than a grown man flirting with a child.

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Oh Little Richard. Gurl, please make up your mind.

This week, flamboyantly, openly, wildly gay Little Richard renounced his homosexuality saying same-sex relationships are “unnatural affections” when he appeared on Today Live on the Christian network Three Angels Broadcasting to announce he was going back into the closet:

“When I first come in show business they wanted you to look like everybody but yourself. And, anybody that comes in show business they gone say you gay or straight… God made men, men and women, women.”

This is yet another Little Richard Tutti-Frutti Flip Flop; in his 1984 biography, he said homosexuality was “unnatural” and “contagious” but then in 1995 he came out as gay in an interview with Penthouse—apparently someone infected with the gay coughed near him and he caught it ... or something—and said:

“I’ve been gay all my life and I know God is a God of love, not of hate.”

Then in 2012 GQ interview, he talked of all the orgies he’s taken part in with both men and women, but now, this time, he’s totally not gay.

Until he does an interview again. I’m guessing.

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Is Alec Baldwin back at his bead behavior? A source—and it might have been a _____ spawn seeking revenge for Baldwin’s impersonation  of the Bigot-In-Chief—says they saw Alec get into a fight with two people in a black SUV on an NYC street this week.

There’s no indication of why Baldwin went Street Nuts again though maybe the driver just pissed on Baldwin while he was out for a stroll; he was heard calling the driver a “meatball” and then demanding that the driver and passenger get out of the vehicle. But the driver knows you don’t exit a vehicle when Alec shouts because he’s been known to brawl in the streets so they didn’t oblige, which pissed Alec off more.

He whipped out his phone and started videotaping them, and when they sped off he took a picture of their license plate and then tossed the Big Gulp he was carrying to the ground.

Oh, now it’s clear. Alec was having a Slurpee when the SUV drove by and it startled him and he spilled some drink on his shirt so it was time to fight ...

I mean that sounds as plausible as any other reason for Baldwin to go Nuts In The Streets again.

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Lea Michele is annoying.

She’d tried to play herself off as Barbra Streisand 2.0 on Glee but she was more Streisand-extra-lite and extra-bothersome. Now she’s on a new show, The Mayor, playing a secondary character and, well, it appears as though someone over there doesn’t like Lea so much and is spilling some tea or throwing some shade.

As in Lea Michele sends herself flowers every day on set. A source says bouquets have arrived every day for Michele and she “likes everyone to see them and makes a big song and dance about it. Every. Single. Time.”

Now, truth be told, Lea has been dating clothing designer Zandy Reich since July but no one on the set thinks he’s the Flower Boy.

The spy says:

“The flowers arrive the same time every day, so we joke that she’s set up auto-delivery with the flower company.”

Well, her voice if often auto-tuned so maybe the flowers are auto-delivered.

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Michelle Collins, comedian and former co-host on The View—and who hasn’t been a co-host on that show? I did a week there back in ’07 but was kicked to the curb for opening Barbara’s crypt before she was fully made up—has a friend who works for Sarah Jessica Parker and Collins got her hands on an email from SJP to her “staff” on how things should be done around the Parker-Broderick home.

Who knew SJP could be so very Joan Crawford? I mean, besides Kim Cattrall.

Anyway, in the emails Collins says were writtn by SJP, the actress instructs “staffers” to refill a tiny 1.75-ounce container of Vaseline with a small spoon or knife for her children’s use. She stresses that the refill jar not be too big (so as to not clutter the house), and that the cutlery used to handle the Vaseline must be hand-washed using a paper towel followed by a cycle in the dishwasher.

Out damned spots!

Other things to be monitored and refilled include the face and body wash in her 14-year-old son’s personal shower. Seriously, the last place I wanna check out is the shower of a horny fourteen-year-old boy! Just sayin’.

SJP has also given instructions on how hard the children should blink when eye drops are administered; this ALLEGEDLY comes on the heels of a Pink-Eye issue from last year.

But she’s not all pissy and prickly; oh no, instructions are also given for Taco Tuesday when SJP asks staffers to purchase, ahem, “whatever meat goes in tacos”.

And it better not taste like Cattrall.

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Random Musings

We survived Irma, especially since she took a hard left at Georgia, but we did get some heavy rains and some scary winds; the rain I’m good with, but having a house surrounded by a few hundred trees in a windstorm? Not so much.

Still, she’s gone ... and even though Jose is lingering out there, he’s expected to stay away; for now.

James Woods is a has-been actor whose days are spent trolling the internet blasting people with his conservative ideology ... er, idiot-ology.

Case in point: Woods went after Armie Hammer’s new movie, Call Me By Your Name, which features Hammer as a 24-year old American scholar who kinda sorta falls in love with a 17-year-old boy played by Timothee Chalamet. Woods, in a Tweet, accused the film of “quietly chip[ping] away the last barriers of decency” and then, for extra added oomph, he hashtagged the Tweet with #NAMBLA [North American Man Boy Love Association].

But Armie Hammer—who is oooooh soooo hot—wasn’t having James Woods at all and Tweeted back:

“Didn’t you date a 19-year-old when you were 60……?”

And it’s true, except Woods replaced his 19-year-old girlfriend with a 20-year-old-girlfriend, when he was 66.

And then actress Amber Tamblyn Tweeted that James Woods once came on to her and asked her to go to Vegas with him; when she told him she was sixteen he replied, “Even better.”

Oh, Woods, you old pervert; sit down, you’re no longer needed here.

For all those deplorables out there who think there’s nothing to RussiaGate, hear this:

Robert Mueller is expected to question six White House aides in the investigation, including adviser Hope Hicks, former press secretary Sean Spicer and former chief of staff Reince Priebus, who, along with White House Counsel Donald McGahn, have hired Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan LLP partner William Burck to advise them in special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation.

Lawyering up, eh?

On the other side of the coin ... I’m glad Hillary Clinton wrote a book to detail What Happened regarding the last presidential election, but I do wish she’s quit laying blame all over the place. Sure, she takes some herself, but between Bernie and Comey and _____it’s all a bit too much.

You lost, dear, and I for one am sorry, but we need to move on and not wallow in the past.

Back to Irma ... I am so annoyed the weatherpeople, and newspeople, editorializing about a storm rather than just giving me the facts.

It’ll be devastating.

People will die,

You can’t get out.

Look, you’re ‘news’ people, so give me the news and save your opinions and hyperbole for someone else, m’kay?

So, while we awaited Irma’s arrival,. We caught up on some movies that I really had no desire to see in the theater, but now that I saw them on TV, I found that I liked them.

First up, The Revenant, starring Leonardo DiCaprio; I was worried it was gonna be a little like Castaway in the cold North, especially when DiCaprio’s character got a canteen with a design on it. I thought he’d name it Wilson and start talking to it—Spoiler Alert: he did not—and it was a really good movie, though part of the reason was Domhnall Gleeson, top left, a hot bearded ginger in the wild.

We also watched The 33 about the Chilean miners who were trapped when their mine collapsed; I thought I knew the whole story but it was far more than I had thought, especially given that it also starred Rodrigo Santoro, top right, as a smoking hot government official. I have had a not –so –soft spot for Rodrigo for years and he never disappoints.

And lastly, Outlander started up again this weekend with another Hot Ginger, San Heughan, bottom left, who often wears a kilt and sometimes wears nothing at all. Also in the show is Tobias Menzies, bottom right,  who just sparks my engine for reasons I can’t qoite grasp, but I don’t mind.

So, those are the weeks Hotties, with one last look at the fine Rodrigo Santoro.

GOP Congressman Tim Murphy has publicly admitted to having an extramarital affair with a personal friend, coming clean hours after the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette prevailed in a court motion to unseal a divorce action and reveal the news themselves.

Murphy is not a party to the divorce, but last July the husband in the case, Jesse Sally, sought to depose Murphy as part of his divorce from Shannon Edwards.

No big deal, except ... hypocrisy. Murphy voted against the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, against the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Act, against the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and for a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.

He never wanted equality for The Gays because married is so scared, but he has no problem screwing another man’s wife.

Oh, and in more GOP anti-LGBT news ... the _____ administration has sided with Colorado bigot baker Jack Phillips who refused to bake a cake for a same-sex couple. And so _____ had the Department of Justice file an amicus brief in Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission. The DOJ has already made its hostility to the rights of LGBT people crystal clear, and now _____ is advocating for a constitutional right to discriminate.

I wonder how he’d feel if a baker refused to bake a cake for a bigot president ... or a sexual groper president ... or a lying piece of shi ... president?

Oops. Josh “The Sister Diddler” Duggar is headed for a jury trial in the Ashley Madison lawsuit brought against him by DJ and model, Matthew McCarthy, who is seeking damages after Duggar allegedly used his image on the adult website. McCarthy says Duggar stole his image for use on Ashley Madison and OkCupid to solicit sex.

Plus, Josh Duggar is some pasty-looking pervert and Matthew McCarthy is kinda hot. I mean, imagine you’re the woman who saw Matthew McCarthy’s photo on some married man dating/hook-up site and you thought, ‘Wow, he’s hot,’ and so you make the call to meet and when you arrive at some seedy motel on some backwoods highway, you find pudgy, pasty, pervy Duggar?

Oy. Scrub me with bleach!

Milo Yiannopoulous, the poster boy for Self-Loathing, the anti-gay gay man, the Alt-right wingnut, has once again put his foot in his mouth ... when, really, it belongs in his ass, has revealed that he lost his home to Hurricane Irma.

It all began after he mocked the storm on Facebook, writing:

“In more positive Irma news, Richard Branson’s Necker Island has been devastated.”

... and ...

“Irma is about to finish what Hillary started: leaving Haiti in ruins.”

But then Irma came for this internet troll who attacks minorities, encourages his follower—yes, follower—to attack minorities, which lead to him being permanently banned from Twitter, and, as Miss Milo told us earlier this week:

 “MY HOUSE IS GONE”.

Oh, so sad, but Karma is a bitch names Irma, asshat.

I have a vivid, sometimes borderline frightful imagination.

Last week Carlos spotted a hole in the ground while mowing the lawn. He told me that maybe it was a sinkhole starting up. I said it looked more like a gopher hole. But, that night, as I drifted off to sleep in the master bedroom, very near the sink/gopher hole, I began to wonder if it might open up and swallow the house with me in it.

And, since I have this irrational feel of being unable to move or unable to breath—do not ­bury me alive—I thought maybe I ought to get a knife and sleep with it so when the sinkhole swallowed me up I could end it all before the full-on panic set it and scared me to death.

I told this story to a friend who said:

“Why not just sleep with a shovel and you can dig your way out?”

Imagine Carlos’ face when I brought a shovel to bed that night.

ISBL Asshat of the Week: James Woods

Kellyanne Conway once again dragged herself from the sludge pot on the basement of the White House because the media came a’calling to get her take on _____’s firing of FBI Director James Comey.

Cooper and Conway got into a war of words—sadly, again, Conway was unarmed—about _____’s actions during the campaign versus his hypocrisy as president. Andy—because that’s what I call My-Husband-In-My-Head—Cooper played clips of _____’s campaign speeches, including one from Michigan in October 2016 to show that the man says one thing one day and then flips and flops when the mood strikes.

Kellyanne’s response:

“Thanks for the trip down memory lane. You’re conflating two things that don’t belong together. I was on your show often last fall saying we were going to win Michigan and how we were going to do it ...”

And that’s when it happened ... The Eye-roll Heard ‘Round The World. And while most everyone celebrated Anderson’s non-verbal response to the lunacy that is Conway, one man was not happy at all about it.

James Woods, has-been actor, took to Twitter, not to defend Conway, not to suggest it was inappropriate for Cooper to roll his eyes—though I, for one, find eye-rolling at Kellyanne Conway to be the only way to respond to her—but to slam a homophobic slur at Anderson:

Woods, an Oscar-nominated actor who is now reduced to playing sidekick to has-been comic Andrew ‘Dice’ Clay in an upcoming film, often shares his idiotic, er, conservative views on Twitter thought his is the first time he used Hate Speech. And then bragged about it, because most folks on Twitter assumed the “joke” came from Clay, until Woods set folks, um, straight:

“Nope! That was all me, Baby”

But, not just for that homophobic slur, I name James Woods the ISBL Asshat of the Week, because Anderson wasn’t just responding to Conway on that one issue, he was responding to Conway in general.

I mean, he could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... was photographed, shoes off, feet up, on a couch in the Oval Office, which is disrespectful to the President—even an idiot like this one—disrespectful to the home, and disrespectful to the people of this country.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... committed a breach of ethics when she was asked about Nordstrom’s decision to eliminate Complicit _____’s clothing collection from its stores and she, as a White House Spokesmoron, told America to “go buy Ivanka’s stuff, is what I would tell you. I’m going to give a free commercial here. Go buy it today, everybody. You can find it online.” 

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... swore up and down that Trump had “full confidence” in former National Security Adviser, Michael Flynn.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... claimed, the very next day, that Flynn had resigned from his position, even though we now know _____ asked for his resignation.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... two days after _____’s inauguration, coined the term “alternative facts” to defend Sean Spicer’s reports that the swearing-in had one of the biggest audiences in history. Conway insisted Spicer didn’t lie, but had offered “alternative facts” instead.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... insisted that _____, as president-elect, had broken a 37-year-old U.S. protocol to not recognize Taiwan as a sovereign country. When Cooper asked Conway about _____ speaking to the President Tsai Ing-wen, Conway stated, “I can’t discuss anything beyond what’s been publicly said.” Cooper fired back by telling her no U.S. president has “spoken to the leader of Taiwan since 1979.” Conway flipped the script and responded with, “I don’t remember any discussions ever being asked about President Obama or president-elect Obama eight years ago at this time.” In the end, Conway skirted the entire conversation and ended it by saying _____ was “fully briefed and fully knowledgeable about these issues on an ongoing basis.”

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... came out against Meryl Streep’s right to Free Speech at the Golden Globes, saying, “Look, Meryl Streep and that room she was in represent a small slice of America, but this was an anti-elite (election). This was a rejection of the elites, of people in the political media, Hollywood, money access, frankly, that was out of touch with America. I mean, Donald _____ proved one thing, mightily: He understood America and he had a masterful way of communicating and connecting with them.” Conway then compared famous people to reality show stars like those on “Storage Wars and Duck Dynasty”; you know, The Elite Shows.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... lied about former President Barack Obama’s ban on refugees, saying he had banned Iraqi refugees from entering into the United States for six months back in 2011.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... created the Bowling Green Massacre, a non-existent terrorist attack to support her claim that refugees posed a risk to American citizens. There was no massacre, ever.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... who was initially hired as _____’s campaign manager, causing many to assume his old campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, would be out. But Conway went on the record to say Manafort’s position wasn’t in jeopardy, and her appointment wasn’t a “shake-up” of any sorts. Two days later, Manafort was fired.

Anderson could have eye-rolled when Kellyanne ... refused to acknowledge that _____ had completely flip-flopped on immigration, when he said he wouldn’t be immediately deporting more than 11 million undocumented immigrants. Days later, Conway insisted Trump hadn’t changed his position at all by saying, “I assure you, nothing has changed.” A lie.

Look,. Here’s the queer deal, Anderson Cooper simply rolled his eyes at Kellyanne Conway because, like her boss, she wouldn't know the truth if it Bitch-slapped her ... which is what I would have done were I in Anderson’s spot.

And an eye-roll at a liar, with a history of lies and alternative facts and breaches of ethics and simple rude behavior, does not warrant a homophobic slur.

And so I might say that, perhaps, James Woods’ cock ring was too tight, though not because he's gay ... he's not, thank the goddess ... but because he's a dick ... and an asshat.