I Didn't Say It

President Biden, on the passing of Queen Elizabeth II:

“In a world of constant change, she was a steadying presence and a source of comfort and pride for generations of Britons, including many who have never known their country without her. An enduring admiration for Queen Elizabeth II united people across the Commonwealth. Queen Elizabeth II was a stateswoman of unmatched dignity and constancy who deepened the bedrock Alliance between the United Kingdom and the United States. She helped make our relationship special. She helped Americans commemorate both the anniversary of the founding of Jamestown and the bicentennial of our independence. And she stood in solidarity with the United States during our darkest days after 9/11, when she poignantly reminded us that ‘Grief is the price we pay for love’. Her legacy will loom large in the pages of British history, and in the story of our world. She was the first British monarch to whom people all around the world could feel a personal and immediate connection—whether they heard her on the radio as a young princess speaking to the children of the United Kingdom, or gathered around their televisions for her coronation, or watched her final Christmas speech or her Platinum Jubilee on their phones, and she, in turn, dedicated her whole life to their service.”

We certainly won’t ever see another monarch reign for so long. Was she perfect? No; she made some mistakes and missteps. But while that might have been infuriating,  it’s also what made her human.

RIP

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Jamie Raskin, Democrat Congressman, agreeing that President Biden is right about Thing 45 and the MAGAts:

“Two of the hallmarks of a fascist political party are, one, they don’t accept the results of elections that don’t go their way. And two, they embrace political violence. And I think that’s why President Biden was right to sound the alarm … about these continuing attacks on our constitutional order from the outside by [Thing 45] and his movement.”

And, since most in the GOP and MAGA movement hear only what they want to hear, neither Raskin nor Biden is condemning the entire Republican party, but rather those who stormed the capitol and those who supported them.

Those are the fascists in the GOP.

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Harry Styles, singer and now actor, kind of proving he shouldn’t talk off the cuff about his new film Don’t Worry Darling:

“I think, you know, my favorite thing about the movie is that it feels like a… movie. You know, it feels like a real, like, go-to-the-theater-film movie. You know, the reason why you would go to watch something on the big screen.”

To be utterly transparent, I find Harry kinda sexy, for a wee lad, but this statement reminds me of a Beverly Leslie line from Will & Grace: “It's not so pretty when it speaks.”

Just sayin’.

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Dennis Prager, conservative radio talk show host, pulling a Thing 45 and saying some slaveowners were nice:

“One of the confusing things about life is how many nice people help destroy societies. This is not meant at all facetiously. It is meant literally. We think that people who do bad things, either think they’re doing bad and so they’re truly evil or they will be obviously bad in interpersonal relations, but it doesn’t work that way. Nice people can support vicious things. The human being is a macro and a micro being among the many, many differences within each of us. There were undoubtedly many nice slaveholders in the South. This is not meant facetiously again, it’s meant literally. If you had been invited to one of their homes, you would have been treated beautifully, but they supported a vicious system. The left is a vicious system. It’s not slavery. Although the end result of all leftism is the enslavement of populations, not as in transatlantic slave trade or chattel slavery, but in the diminution of human rights and liberties, which is a form of enslavement.”

I thought we learned several years ago that racists and Nazis and Klan members and white supremacists are not nice, never nice; this totally smacks of Thing 45’s epic failure after the Charlottesville riots.

Let me make this queer: anyone who bought a human being and forced them into manual labor for their entire lives, including subjugating their wives and children., who kept human beings in chains and enslaved, sleeping on the floors of ramshackle slave houses, raping them, beating them, murdering them, is not a nice person.

Never a nice person.

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Bill Barr, former Thing 45 Attorney General, on his former boss’ request for a Special Master:

“As more information comes out, the actions of the department look more understandable. It seems to me they were driven by concern about highly sensitive information being strewn all over a country club, and it was taking them almost two years to get it back. It appears that there’s been a lot of jerking around of the government. I’m not sure the department could have gotten it back without taking action. I think it’s a crock of shit. I don’t think a special master is called for.”

Yeah, I know, Billy Barr is trying to save his image. He never will in my book, but I love the fact that every time he speaks Thing 45 tries to act like he never liked Barr or really worked with him, or possibly never even knew him.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Khloé Kardashian appeared on the latest episode of the podcast Not Skinny But Not Fat and say some nice things about her constantly-cheating ex, Tristan Thompson. Khloé insists Thompson has “so many good sides” not just his need to stick his dick into any women willing to let him do it, even if he already has another girl pregnant, and a couple of baby mama’s hanging around.

And speaking of low self-esteem Khloé also discussed her constantly-changing face, saying it used to offend her when people said she had “12 face transplants,” because the only thing she’d had done was “one nose job.” A nose job that ballooned up her lips and plumped up her cheek bones and changed her eye color and forehead.

That is one magical nose job. You’d think it could have made Tristan keep his dick in his pants.

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Shakira is in some tax trouble, y’all, after she ALLEGEDLY skipped out on paying some $15.5 million in taxes in Spain from 2012 to 2014.

Shakira claims she’s innocent, saying that Spain wasn’t her official residence during that time and she appealed the case, but a judge took one look and said, “Denied.”

Now the case goes to trial, and the prosecutors have called their first witness … Shakira’s hips ... cuz y’all know they don’t lie.

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From the moment Harry Styles went solo he has been compared to everyone from Elton John, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie and Mick Jagger. It doesn’t appear that the comparison bothers Elton, and with Freddie and Bowie gone, we only have Jagger’s thoughts … and he ain’t happy.

The topic of Harry Styles was brought up during a recent interview between The Rolling Stones and The Times of London, and while Mick said he likes Harry, he says he was way more androgynous back in the day and that Harry is a “superficial resemblance” to his younger self and doesn’t “move on stage” like him.

Well, I’m sure he doesn’t move like Jagger … gag me with as Maroon 5 reference and Adam Levine squawking out a lyric … because Harry probably still has his original hips.

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I guess when you divorce the world’s best-known Church of $cientology cult member, they really do erase you from his past. Am I right, Tommy?

Apparently there was a video of Tom Cruise’s illustrious career that played at Cannes before the premiere of Tom’s latest remake-reboot-rehash of a Tom Cruise film—let’s be clear, Cruise doesn’t make movies, he remakes movies—and there was one glaring omission.

Nicole Kidman—who was married to Tiny Tom  for 11 years and starred in three movies with him—was the only leading lady not included in the 10-minute montage that played at Cannes.

All of Cruise’s other co-stars—including Kirsten Dunst, Renée Zellweger and Penelope Cruz, whom he dated for three years—were featured in clips, but apparently, Tom’s love interest in “Days of Thunder,” “Far and Away” and “Eyes Wide Shut” wasn’t Nicki Kidman but was Tom Cruise himself.

Sounds about right.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh there is nothing like messy drama—and I don’t mean the Johnny and Amber type of messy that goes on years after the divorce—but the mess that is Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde.

The couple were together almost ten unmarried years and share two children, Otis and Daisy. They split in 2020 and the break-up messiness included Harry Styles, who began dating Olivia instantly, or perhaps slightly before. The break-up ALLEGEDLY hit Jason very hard as he was hoping that Olivia’s fling with Harry was just a phase, but Olivia and Harry are still together, so there’s been some drama.’

And the best part of the drama is that, while onstage at CinemaCon in Las Vegas to promote the movie she directed, Don’t Worry Darling, starring Harry Styles and Florence Pugh, Olivia was handed a manila envelope. Now, nothing good ever comes in a manila envelope, especially one labeled “personal and confidential” and she asked:

“This is for me?”

She opened it and discovered it was papers from Jason’s lawyer suing her for custody of their children. Ouch. Sudeikis, for his part says he had no idea the envelope would be delivered to his ex onstage. Uh huh.

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As we already know, Khloé Kardastrophe admitted that she Photoshopped a photo of her daughter, True, into a Disneyland trip that True actually didn’t make. And because Big Sister Kim hates being left out of the drama and needed a break from the Blac Chyna trial, Kim explained why the picture was Photoshopped and it’s pure Kardastrophe myth and vapidness.

Kim held a press conference over on Instagram to admit that on the day in question her child, Chicago, was sitting next to Kylie‘s daughter Stormi, and Kylie doesn't want her child exploited like that …. Hold for laughter because the Kardastrophes are built on exploiting their children … and so Kim did what she had to do:

“[That picture] wasn’t going to mess up my IG feed. Chi was wearing pink and it matched perfectly. You know how much a good aesthetic means to my soul and I will be damned if Kylie will ruin that for me and mess up my IG grid. So thank you True for taking one for the team!”

Seriously, she did it for her Instagram feed, rather than oh, I don’t know, not posting a picture at all. Seriously this family are fame vampires.

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Last week, we learned that there was trouble on the set of Aziz Ansari’s directorial debut film, Being Mortal, due to a complaint of “inappropriate behavior” but what does that even mean these days. Sexual harassment? Bullying? Name-calling? Dumb jokes?

Well, we now know the complaint was lodged against Bill Murray. There have been stories for years of Bill Murray’s temper—he threw an ashtray at Richard Dreyfus and got into a verbal altercation with Lucy Liu—and it seems Bill Murray was ALLEGEDLY “touchy” with the women on set, and those women complained and the film was shut down. A source says:

“He was very hands-on touchy, not in any personal areas, but put an arm around a woman, touched her hair, pulled her ponytail–but always in a comedic way. It is a fine line and everybody loves Bill, but while his conduct is not illegal, some women felt uncomfortable and he crossed a line.”

How many times do people have to be told to keep their hands to themselves? I mean, good on Bill for not throwing tchotchkes, or wrestling a co-star to the ground, but keep your hands off. Was Bill dozing the last few years or did he think #MeToo meant ‘I’ll have that also’?

Sheesh.

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Bobservations

Not so much about Carlos this week, but more about the things I say …

We had a Zoom meeting at work the other day with a prospective client named Leila, and one of my co-workers, who is notoriously bad at names, couldn’t remember Leila. She kept asking me:

“What’s her name? What’s her name again?"

And I said:

“Leila! Lay-La!”

“Oh, like Eric Clapton.”

“NO! Eric is an entirely different name!”

You know how dogs always cock their heads to one side and look at you quizzically when you speak to them? That’s how most people look at me when I talk.

And I’m good with it.

It’s no wonder Tuxedo is my favorite pet of all time; he and I think exactly alike.

Dr. Deborah Birx, the last administration’s White House Coronavirus Task Force coordinator who is most known for her scarves and sitting idly by while Thing #45—blatantly stolen from Todd at arteegee—will join ActivePure Technology, a Texas manufacturer that says its products reduce COVID-19 on surfaces and in the air,

Once a snake oil salesman …

I hate to say this because I feel a bit like a perv but there’s something about Harry Styles that butters my bread, revs my motor, makes me feel funny, down there.

That’s all.

Police in Pennsylvania arrested Raffaela Spone, left, a 50-year-old Bucks County woman, for sending her teen daughter’s cheerleading coaches fake photos and videos depicting her rivals naked, drinking, or smoking, to try to get them kicked off the squad.

Wow. All that to get her daughter a spot on the cheer squad.

PS There were no indications that Spone’s daughter knew what her mother was doing.

Oh, and then in Florida, Laura Rose Carroll, right, an assistant principal, and her daughter, were arrested after hacking into dozens of student accounts to cast fake votes to help the daughter become homecoming queen.

Carroll and her daughter cast nearly 250 votes in Tate High School’s homecoming court election.

Seriously? Seriously? Serious-fucking-ly?

The GQP-majority Oklahoma state House has passed a bill that would grant immunity to drivers who “unintentionally” run over protesters.

Yup. If you go to a protest in Oklahoma and then get in your car and mow down protesters, simply tell the police it was “unintentional,” and that you didn’t mean to maim or kill anyone, you were just “fleeing from a riot” because you had a “reasonable belief” that fleeing would protect you from harm.  

This new legislation would remove criminal or civil liability for any driver who “unintentionally” injures or kills someone while it also allows protesters to be charged with a misdemeanor if they “unlawfully obstruct” traffic, punishable by up to a year in jail and $5,000 in fines.   

Run over a protester, get a slap on the wrist. Stop traffic, spend a year in jail.

And over there in Louisville, Kentucky, where it has been one year since Breonna Taylor was murdered in her home by police, the state Senate passed a bill to enhance penalties for crimes related to rioting.

GQP Senator Danny Carroll, a retired police officer, said his Senate Bill would crack down on those who "tried to destroy the city of Louisville" in the civil unrest last year after, again, Breonna Taylor was murdered in her home by police using a No-Knock warrant. Oh, and in addition to that lunacy, Carroll’s bill would make it a crime to provoke an officer verbally to the point it could provoke a violent response.

You see, apparently in Louisville, if you’re mean to a police officer and they can’t handle it, they will kill you; it’s a play on sticks and stones may break my bone but words will never hurt me, unless you’re in Louisville and use your words against a police officer in which case you will die.

But then in Minneapolis, the City Council unanimously approved a $27 million settlement in the civil lawsuit brought by the family of George Floyd. Now, clearly, no amount of money will bring George Floyd back, but perhaps this will get those in charge in Minneapolis to rethink their policies like, oh, I dunno, kneeling on a man’s neck until he dies.

The settlement includes $500,000 to be spent on community efforts near the intersection of 38th Street and Chicago Avenue, which has become known as George Floyd Square.

Alejandro Cifo Capilla is a Latino model , and y’all know I loves me some, well, one, Latino man. But Alejandro is worthy of a second, third, fourth look.

He was elected Mister Supranational Spain 2017, and then represented Spain at one of the biggest international male modelling competitions in the world—Mister Supranational in Poland—and won first runner up award, along the Mister Photogenic award at the pageant. And I have titled him with the Mister Rock My World award. Just sayin’.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Apparently actress and director Olivia Wilde has zero fucks to give and has implemented a strict No Assholes policy on the set of her movies, including her most recent directorial outing, “Don’t Worry Darling.”

That story came to light last September when word broke that Shia LaBeouf had been replaced by Harry Styles due to a scheduling conflict, when in fact Wilde fired him because, well, asshole:

“The no assholes policy, it puts everybody on the same level,” Wilde concluded. “I also noticed as an actress for years how the hierarchy of the set separated the actors from the crew in this very strange way that serves no one…I think actors would actually like to know more about what’s happening there when you’re pulling my focus? What is that lens change? But the idea of, don’t bother the actors and keep them separate, and don’t look at them. I think it makes everyone quite anxious.”

And so she removed “asshole” LaBeouf’s from “Don’t Worry Darling” and replaced him with Harry Styles, except … rumor also has it that Harry Styles is responsible for the breakup last fall of Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis, so maybe she has a “no asshole, replace with my new trick” policy?

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It looks like Kim Kardastrophe West and Kanye Kardastrophe West‘s “separate lives” nonsense has taken another teeny-weeny baby step towards divorce as reports have come out that the two no longer even speak to each other.

Oh.The.Terror.

It was a few weeks back when we learned that KK was no longer wearing her ring, and now we learned that Kanye just moved 500 pairs of shoes out of their Calabasas mansion.

Oh.The.Humanity.

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I’ll start off by saying that I have a wee crush on Adam Driver—seriously, who don’t I have a crush on—though he’s not what you might call classically handsome; he just has something. So, this story piqued my interest.

Driver has been in the gossip columns this week because he was accused of assaulting 73-year-old Lidia Franco, his co-start in Terry Gilliam’s The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Franco about her experience on set in a recent interview that was conducted in Portuguese and ALLEGEDLY the English translation of her quotes caused lots of confusion on social media.

In the initial interview, Franco seemingly accused Adam Driver of attacking her with a chair, and also claimed that extras and crew members were ordered not to look at him or even be around him when they weren’t filming. Both Gilliam and the production company have said none of these stories are true, and now, ALLEGEDLY, the rumors are being blamed on bad translations.

In a statement, Franco now says she was never assaulted by Driver, and that he never threw a chair at her, but, in a scene they filmed together:

“Our characters … had to be physically close. I considered the actor’s [she can’t even say his name?] behavior to be rude because, in the preparation of a scene, he didn’t take the care I believe he should have taken … and every time he stood up with the force of the character to do the rest of the scene, the chair in which he was sitting would bump into me with some force, which bothered me.”

Now, she claims that in the original interview she was just venting, though somehow she turned a bump into an assault.

I looked up the Portuguese translation for ‘Karen.’

It’s Karen.

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Meanwhile, on the Armie Hammer front … while he has remained fairly quiet after several women came forward and accused of all kinds of physical and sexual abuse, and perhaps even cannibalism, The Daily Mail  was given messages and audio of Armie whining about how he’s being “kink shamed” by the internet and how women are now offering up their body parts for him to eat.

The Daily Mail says that a woman, who wished to remain anonymous, claims she started talking to Armie in December on Instagram. Armie shared all of his fantasies with her and tried to get her to join in. And then came all these allegations and Armie ALLEGEDLY cried and whined to this female friend that he was being “kink shamed.” Oh, and he bragged that he’s been getting lots and lots of offers from “girls who said I can eat pieces of them.”

But wait there’s more. Armie sent voice notes to this woman where he says:

“I wanna hear about each orgasm. I want you to tell me how it felt like. How strong it was. How long it lasted. Those are mine, don’t forget, so you have to tell me everything.”

The ick factor rises like bile in my throat.

On the upside, I recently rewatched Jagged Edge with Glenn Close and Jeff Bridges and I realized how much like Jeff Bridges in the 80s reminds me of my former flame, Armie. So, when I hear more sickening tales of Armie’s perversions I will simply think of Jeff Bridges from 1987.

Crisis averted!

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Tara Reid, best known for global phenomenon Sharknado, baring her breast on a chilly red carpet and not knowing it was out, and a series of drunk in public encounters, really has chutzpah. She recently reached out to a fellow celebrity on social media to ask them to appear in a film with her. And who did the amazingly talented and utterly, unfairly Oscar snubbed Reid want to be her co-star?

Nicole Kidman. Oscar winner Nicole Kidman.

Reid reached out to Kidman on her Instagram page to, ahem, ask Kidman to join Reid in her next film project, Masha’s Mushroom, a psychological thriller about a drugged-filled child’s birthday party.

Seriously. Reid saw a photo of Kidman lounging on a terrace in NYC saying how much she loves the city, and commented:

“You are truly amazing in everything you do. I’ve b en [sic] a huge fan forever. Hopefully one day we can work together soon. I’m producing a movie Masha’s Mushroom it staring [sic] Vivica Fox, Billy Zane, Beverly Deangelo [sic], myself Tara Reid, Sade and others it truly an amazing script. I would love for you to read it. Shoreline and Universal are doing it. It’s a franchise of 5 films. If you follow me so I can tell you more. Kindly, Tara.”

I don’t know if I’m more stunned that Tara-effing-Reid thinks Nicole-effing-Kidman would accept a film role via Instagram, or that Tara Reid can’t string together a few simple sentences.

And ending with a beg for an Instagram follow? Oh Tara, just when I thought you couldn’t sink lower, you found the hatch to the subbasement, moved down there, and then found that hideous wig.

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Last summer Kelly Clarkson filed for divorce from Brandon Blackstock and, at first, it seemed like another victim of the pandemic. But then came rumors that Blackstock might be a cheater, and Kelly wasn’t having it. But, whether it was Kelly’s wholesome image, or her jobs as talk-show host or Voice coach, or maybe the fact that the rumors weren’t true, the gossip died away.

This week, though, it turned a little ugly after an LA court gave Kelly primary physical custody of their two children, saying she’s the one providing emotional and financial  stability,  and noted that Kelly and Brandon are having “co-parenting problems” at the moment.

But now it looks like Or Brandon is having “coins problems.” He is now is seeking spousal and child support from Kelly even though, in court, Kelly offered to pay all of the children’s expenses. But Blackstock wants $135,000 in child support and $301,000 in spousal support per month. That adds up to $5.2M per year. Oh, and he also wants all his legal fees paid by Kelly which amounts to over $2M because he needs seven attorneys to represent him.

All this may be because Kelly was given primary custody, while Blackstock wanted the children to go “back and forth” from Los Angeles to Montana—where he lives—but the court found that the children “have not resided in Montana” and said Blackstock must travel to L.A. to see the children at Clarkson’s home for “visitation and parenting time.”

And then came the coin beg.

Let’s see, who to side with: America’s sweetheart who has always and only wanted to protect her children. Or Blackstock, who didn’t get custody, won’t have to pay a dime in child support, but uses his kids for coins.

Yeah.

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A few weeks ago, we learned that Erika “Erika Jayne” Girardi and her husband, Tom Girardi—Albert Finney played him in Erin Brockovich—were divorcing. There was reportedly no prenup, but Erika asked the court for spousal support. At the time there were conspiracy theories that the divorce was related to Tom’s many lawsuits—fraud, theft, scamming—but the story seemed to go nowhere; until now.

This week both Erika and Tom are being sued by Edelson PC, a class action firm, on behalf of Boeing plane crash victims. The lawsuit ALLEGES that the Girardi’s divorce is a sham, and that the couple is actually embezzling settlement funds meant for the families of the victims who were killed in the 2018 Lion Air Flight 610 crash.

Yeah, this is gonna get ugly.

The suit ALLEGES that Tom’s law firm, Girardi Keese, is in financial ruin, but he needs a lot of coins to fund the outrageous lifestyle he and Erika Jayne live for, and why Erika Jayne, from out-of-nowhere, filed for divorce. See, if the Girardi’s “divorce,” their collective marital assets may be protected from a lawsuit his firm is facing; a faux-divorce protects the couple’s coins from those that seek to collect on debts owed by Tom’s firm.

The lawsuit also claims that this isn’t the first time Girardi has kept money meant for clients to himself to ALLEGEDLY fund “his and Erika’s lavish lifestyle, and Erika Jayne has bragged about spending $40,000 a month to look like a siliconed, Botoxed, be-wigged and be-weaved singer. She even released a single about how, ahem, XXPEN$IVE it is to be her.

Wow, stealing money from the families of victims of a plane crash and then fake divorcing so you can hide the coins is a special kind of vile.

ALLEGEDLY.

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In Vogue’s December issue, Harry Styles was the first male to be on the cover solo,  did the cover  by himself, and in the photo shoot, he donned some skirts and dresses, and this caused one rightwingnut loon, Candace Owens, to go nuts. A man in a dress? Owens shrieked all over social media and any “news” outlet that gave her to air, to declare that we need to bring back “manly men.”

I don’t know why Style’s dress-wearing freaked her out. I mean, has she never seen King Louis VIX, Billy Porter, David Bowie, and Richard Simmons before?

Styles either didn’t hear Owens’ comments, or didn’t care, because he was one of the few people who didn’t come for Candance … until now. He not only posted that photo up top on social media, with the caption, ‘bringing back manly men,’ but also said:

“To not wear [something] because it’s females’ clothing, you shut out a whole world of great clothes. And I think what’s exciting about right now is you can wear what you like. It doesn’t have to be X or Y. Those lines are becoming more and more blurred.”

And that’s how you combat ignorance. You don’t sink to that level, you rise above it and stand your ground. And you offer np ex[planation for that suggestive banana pose.

Bravo sir.

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I love when celebrities say dumb stuff and expect the public to just believe them. And I’m lookin’ at you, JLo.

Jennifer Lopez, who you just know spends millions to look like she isn’t aging, has decided to release a beauty line so you can look like a woman who spends millions on dermatology and skincare experts.

While promoting her new skincare line, JLo claims she has never had Botox and never will because she’s “not that person”:

“I haven’t ever had Botox to this day. I’m not that person. I don’t have anything against people doing that; it’s just not my thing. I’m more about a natural approach to skincare.”

JLo and natural? A fifty-year-old woman without one single frown line or laugh line?

Bitch, please.

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It's Snarkurday!

I always like how Jennifer Lawrence tries to play herself off as just a Regular Jen.

See her fall down at the Oscars! Watch her barf on a red carpet! Hear her talk about farting! Watch her have an entire boutique in New York City shut down so she could shop!

Wait … what? Yup, JLaw went into Alexander Wang’s shop in Soho last week and had the store shut down for an hour — customers, regular folk, you know, were turned away — so she could browse without the riff-raff getting too close.

Regular Jen? Not so much.

Sean Hayes plays God in “An Act of God,” now playing in LA, and he’s taking the role to heart, even if it means calling out Candy Spelling for being late to the theater.

On opening night, the late Candy Spelling tried to slip into her seat unnoticed when God, er, Sean Hayes said, from the stage:

“I am the Lord ... but I’ll wait.”

Yes, even God waits for Candy Spelling to find a seat.

Jared Leto is one of those “method Actors” who has to live the role while he plays the role … as he did while playing The Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad.

He opted to send out Welcome To The Production Gifts to the cast … like bullets for Will Smith — to possibly send out to Oscar voters next year if he’s snubbed again — and a live rat he sent to Margot Robie. Leto even sent a special gift to Viola Davis:

“The Joker – he did some bad things, Jared Leto did. He gave some really horrific gifts. He had a henchman who’d come into the rehearsal room, and the henchman came in with a dead pig, and plopped it on the table. And then he walked out. And that was our introduction into Jared Leto.”

Yup, Viola got a dead pig from Jared Leto. So what? Was FTD closed that day?

So, Rihanna bailed on the Grammys and now she’s bailing on her tour?

Well, it’s happening, but now where and how it was supposed to happen. It was ALLEGEDLY set to start this week in San Diego, but it’s been moved to March 12 … in Jacksonville, Florida. But San Diego isn’t the only city Rihanna is screwing; shows in Oakland, San Jose, Houston, Austin, Dallas, Atlanta, Phoenix, and New Orleans have been rescheduled for May because of … “production delays.”

Maybe the Weed Truck is delayed?

But it’s worse in England where Rihanna has simply canceled two shows in Sunderland and Cardiff due to “logistical reasons.”

The Weed Truck doesn’t have a passport?

And it’s not great in the rest of Europe; Rihanna’s show in Berlin has been moved from the Olympic Stadium to the smaller Mercedes-Benz Arena, and the same thing happened in Belgium, where she’ll be headlining a summer festival instead of her own show; in Vienna, RiRi has been moved from the Ernst Happel Stadium to the smaller Wiener Stadthalle.

Downsizing. It’s not a good look on you Rihanna!

Oh Anne Hathaway! The role of a lifetime for you and, well, better luck next time.

Last fall, Disney announced that they’re working on a musical sequel to Mary Poppins because everyone wanted one … fifty years after the first one. Well, Disney executives did because they like the idea of more coins.

Still, this Poppins sequel will take place 20 years after the first movie and will use stories from the P.L. Travers’ series. And everyone, well, at least Anne Hathaway, was brimming with excitement because Anne Hathaway would be playing Mary—

What? Rumor has it that Emily Blunt had been offered the role and is in talks with Disney and so that ear-piercing, blood-curdling, agent-firing shriek you hear is Anne Hathaway, beating the ground with an umbrella with a talking bird handle.

Chim-chim-cheree, my ass!

So, 50 Cent. Last we talked he’d filed for bankruptcy and said the idea that he be forced to pay the lawsuits he lost was akin to slavery.

But, as we know, 50 loves to post photos of himself with stacks of cash on social media — he’s been doing it forever — and now a judge wants to know where all that cash came from, and since he takes selfies with it, it must be his, and therefore he can pay all his legal bills.

In response, 50 posted a photo of himself on a street corner holding a tin cup asking for spare change.

I guess money can’t buy you happiness or, in the case of Harry Styles, deodorant.

Apparently, on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes, Kendall, the model one, and Kylie, the not-model one, talked about Harry Styles being all kinds of pig stank.

Kendall said:

“I’ve asked him to shower more and told him a little deodorant never hurts.”

Ouch. But Styles could be used to it, because his last girlfriend, one Taylor Swift, ALLEGEDLY refused to kiss him because he had pig stank breath.

And, speaking of stank … the king of it all, Johnny Depp. Seriously, the man looks like he never bathes, washes his clothes, brushes his teeth, or combs his hair.

But maybe that’s all wrong; I mean, he looks like a  bum, and possibly reeks of alcohol, but Depp himself says that when people meet him they almost always comment on how he doesn’t smell as bad as he looks:

 “When I met people they said, ‘You do look like a hobo, but you smell really good.’ And goddamn it, I smell really good!”

And he says it’s because he uses Dior perfume.

That must be some strong-assed eau de toilette.

I’ve often assumed that Ariana Grande is the reincarnation of Mariah Carey — even though Mariah isn’t dead … it’s just her career that died — and now I have proof.

A new video has surfaced of Mariah being wheeled through a hotel lobby on a special dolly with a chair attachment so Mimi’s feet don’t touch the Earth. Now, I know what you’re saying: Ariana isn’t the new Mimi because Ariana gets carried around by her handlers.

But, c’mon, how many men would it take to lift Mariah? Just sayin … a dolly chair is better.

Oh, and since we talked Rihanna and her tour d-i-saster, let’s revisit her sudden disappearance from last week’s Grammys.

I said that it seemed like she ran off before performing because she’d seen Kendrick Lamar’s rehearsal and knew that her performance was more kindergarten Christmas pageant in comparison and so she fled. Turns out, I was right.

Say it again: Bob was right.

Rihanna’s people said:

“She felt like her performance couldn’t compare [to some of the other artists’], and she was trying to avoid the embarrassment because she knew it wasn’t the right comeback performance. She said, ‘I’m not doing this.'”

Say it with me: Bob was right.

And we’ll end with Rob Kardastrophe, and the fact that his family, especially That Woman, hate the fact that he’s boning Kylie’s boyfriend’s Baby Mama, Blac Chyna.

It appears That Woman would do anything to keep Rob out of Chyna — see what I did there? — and has gone so far as to buy Rob his own home in the Kardastrophe Kommunity in the hopes that maybe he’ll move away from his piece.

Didn’t happen. In fact, it appears Rob has moved Blac Chyna into the home That Woman bought and Blac Chyna began releasing video of all of the foods That Woman bought for him: Sharon’s Sorbet, McCann’s Irish Oatmeal and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! Now that’s kinda funny, but the message Rob posted on Instagram after the move is the height of high-larity:

“When the pussy good but your family don’t like her so you drop your family and become an orphan.”

I’m guessing That Woman is flipping out in her crypt and just waiting for sunset so she can wing her way to Rob’s house and take back all the I Can’t Believe It’s not Butter!