Meme Dump

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

While the 25th Bond movie No Time To Die hasn’t come out yet—the release date was just another victim of COVID-19—it seems there’s already talk as to who will be the new Bond when Daniel Craig hangs up the tuxedo.

And the latest white guy rumored to be Bond—because I doubt they’ll ever give the role to the oh-so-deserving Idris Elba—is tattooed mush mouthed bad boy, Tom Hardy. I can almost hear it now:

“Bond. James Bond.”

Only it will sound more like:

“Brgd. Jmst Brgd.”

Ugh.

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Ever since Kim Cattrall saved the world from another sequel to Sex and the City—for which I sent a muffin basket—we have heard about the feud between the two women, and I have come down firmly on the side Team Cattrall.

Back in 2017, SJP wanted to do a third film, even though the most fervent fans of the show were like:

“Oh, honey. No … no.”

And the fans were rewarded when Kim Cattrall announced that not only would she not do another sequel, the idea of appearing beside Sarah ‘Why the long face’ Jessica Parker, was a fate worse than death. Kim accused the cast of being toxic—with SJP being the main mean girl—and said she’d never been friends with SJP and that it was always and only just a job.

SJP acted … badly … surprised by Kim’s words, saying she was “heartbroken” by Kim’s words and that there was never any drama on the set.

Uh huh. And things went from bad to worse after Kim’s brother Christopher went missing—he was later found dead—and SJP decided the best place to offer condolences was on a red carpet being interviewed by EXTRA.

Yeah, and Kim wasn’t playing, and recently talked SJP—and yet actually did not talk SJP—while promoting her new TV series, Filthy Rich:

“Everything is on Google, so I encourage you to Google it, about anything that I’ve said.”

I love that she clearly has no love for SJP but rather than rehash she tells you to go look it up!

“I feel that that was then, and when I look at what’s going on around me, I just don’t have any regrets.”

Well, other than that sequel to the first not-so-good SATC movie.

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Well, it looks like Demi Lovato and fiancé Max Ehrich won’t be saying “I do.”

In the age of COVID-19 and social media the rumors of the split broke after Lovato’s bodyguard and her sister both … wait for it … it’s totally 2020 … it’s the new smackdown … unfollowed Ehrich on Instagram.

Egads; and then, pouring salt into the wound, Demi and Max haven’t “liked” each other’s last several social media posts either.

Oh, man, it’s clearly over then.

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Another relationship ending is that of HGTV “star” Christina El Moussa Anstead Haack, who is divorcing her second husband, Ant Anstead, and like Demi and Alex, is going the social media route in letting us know.

Only Christina is taking it a step further by scrubbing her social media accounts of every single image of her high-profile, HGTV-aired wedding to Anstead, who still has wedding photos on his social media.

Burt for Christina, it’s like there was no wedding at all, even though Christina also says:

“Ant and I have made the difficult decision to separate. We are grateful for each other and as always, our children will remain our priority.”

But the children will never see those darned wedding photos.

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Random Musings

Like clockwork it’s happening again ... tomorrow is my birthday and, yes, I am still somewhere between forty and death—though, truth be told, the forty is getting smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror.

I am being whisked away for the weekend, so I won’t be doing any commenting on blogs, but I will have some things up in this joint for y’all.

I’ll return, older, wiser, and a bit tired, I think, early next week.

Play nice .... and #Resist!

She really did turn the world on with her smile, and she really did make us laugh. So, for the laughter, RIP Mary Tyler Moore and here are some of my favorite moments of Mary ...

Now, Barron _____.

Lay off him. It’s not his fault his father’s the worst president ever—and yes, I am saying this six days into the _____ siege.

Remember when the right went after Sasha and Malia Obama and we were all shocked and disgusted that politicos and wingnuts would attack children.

It.Goes.Both.Ways. So, knock it off. Now, Ivanka and Donny Jr and Eric the Dumb are adults and they know what they’re doing so they deserve to be mocked and shamed and ridiculed and laughed at.

Even Tiffany ... The Forgotten _____.

Why is it impossible for _____ to come up with his own ideas? I mean, he’s trying to run the country like a tyrannical despot, a tiny-fisted tyrant, a baby-handed maniac, like a Hitler, if you will.

Does the man not have an original thought? I mean, look at his cake from the inauguration. His cake looks kinda like the cake that celebrity masterbaker Duff Goldman created for Obama four years ago. And apparently it is because the baker of the _____ cake, Tiffany MacIsaac of Washington D.C.’s Buttercream Bakeshop, says that while she had suggested using the Obama cake as an inspiration for this year’s cake, but the _____’s said, No, give us the exact same cake.

What? If they wanted to copy the cake why not have Melania bake it? That’s her thang, right?

The good news is that MacIsaac donated all the profits from the bake to the Human Rights Campaign because, as MacIsaac said, “basic human rights are something every man, woman and child—straight, gay or the rainbow in between—deserve!”

Still ... plagiarizing a cake?

I am not usually into Tom Hardy because in  many of his roles I can scarcely understand what he’s saying, and because he’s kinda dirty—not in a good way—and covered in ink.

But he has a new show on FX, Taboo, where he plays the long-thought-to-be-dead son of a businessman, who returns to 1800s London to collect his inheritance, and maybe start up again with his, this is part of the taboo, half-sister.

Hardy looks grubby but hot in this show, and this time I know what’s he’s saying.

In the interests of fairness, however, that first photo, top left, is Hardy in Legend, where he played a 60s era gangster in London.

He’s sleek and hot in that one.

Speaking of TV .... the Feud is coming with two of my favorite actresses, Susan Sarandon and Jessica Lange playing two of my favorite actresses, respectively, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.

The story rakes place during the months that Davis and Crawford appeared onscreen together for the first and last time, making Whatever Happened To Baby Jane—one of my favorite films.

It premieres March 5. I’ll be watching.

Okay, so Melania stole parts of Michelle’s speech, and she also stole Jackie Kennedy’s look for the inauguration; yes, I know her coat was blue and Jackie’s was pink, but, come on!

Still ... I feel so badly for her. I didn’t watch the coronation but I did see a video on Facebook where the _____’s came to the White House to meet the Obama’s before the sh*tshow and Donald left his wife in the dust to get out of the car and run up the steps like a giddy schoolgirl who just got her first bra.

And then I saw how warmly the Obama’s were to Melania and when the foursome went inside the White House _____ bullied his way to the front while Barack and Michelle graciously helped Melania inside.

If a man is that rude and unkind and disrespectful to his own wife ....

That’s all. #FreeMelania

So ... Madonna ... I loathe her because she tries to make everything about her ... like her behavior at the Women’s March last weekend.

What was an amazing event turned sour for me when Madge decided to drop a couple of F-bombs during her speech and so the networks cut away from the march until she was done flapping her lips. So, it became less about the event and more about Madonna’s foul mouth.

Note to Madge: you’re a grown-assed woman. Try acting like one.

Oh, and that bit where you said you’d thought about blowing up the White House?

Yeah, shiz like that can get you arrested for making terrorist threats so, again, act like a grown-up because this petulant-spoiled-bratty-misbehaving-all-eyes-on-me-childishness is exactly like a certain newly elected president and do you really wanna be like that?

This morning, while reading about _____ trying to silence government officials from talking about science and climate change, for the first time, I compared a US president to Hitler.

I mean, I saw people do it to W and while I wasn’t a fan, I thought that was a reach.

But not this time ...

Do something. Resist.

It's Snarkurday!

Y’all remember The Sony Hack? The crime that unleashed The Interview on us all? Well, a lot of the story was about the emails between then-Sony-head-and-now-fired Amy Pascal and producer Scott Rudin and their Mean Girl attacks on Angelina Jolie. Well, Wikipedia has posted some of the emails and La Jolie comes off as smart and professional and kind, while Rudin and Pascal come across as bitches who hate.

Any time Jolie emails one or both of them about a proposed Cleopatra film, Pascal and Rudin snipe about her, as when Rudin writes:

“I’m not remotely interested in presiding over a $180m ego bath … the last thing anybody needs is to make a giant bomb with her that any fool could see coming… I have no need to keep her happy. There is NO relationship with any movie star — ANY one — that requires our willingness to prostrate ourselves this way in the face of childish, irresponsible, willful and un-partnerly behavior.”

When Pascal forwards her email bitchfest with Rudin to Sony Entertainment CEO Michael Lynton, Lynton writes: “You guys are nuts to put this in an email.” 

Sound advice; not taken.

Oh, and the best is when Scott Rudin asked La Jolie if she was interested in starring as Ma Ingalls … seriously … in his film adaptation of Little House on the Prairie alongside … wait for it … Tom Cruise as Pa Ingalls. Seriously? Tom Cruise as Pa Ingalls? Everyone knows he's Half-Pint!

Still, Angelina liked the script, but said no to him because:

“I love Little House but don’t think I am the best person to do it. You have a very special project and a brilliant script and I am beyond grateful you would give me a chance to consider it.” 

This was at the same time Rudin was screeching about Angelina being a “spoiled brat.”

Meanwhile, Jolie just goes along with her life; oh, and her job — unlike Pascal — and her dignity — unlike Scott Rudin.

I’ve always loved how Madonna gets on her high horse when people disrespect her, um, “art,” and yet she has no problem being disrespectful herself. I mean, remember the time she attended a screening of Twelve Years A Slave and texted throughout the film? And when someone in the audience told her to put it away that time, she yelled, “It’s for business … ENSLAVER!” Well, she’s done it again, this time at a Broadway show and this time she was called out by the star of the show.

Madonna went to see Lin-Manuel Miranda in the Broadway musical Hamilton. Miranda wrote, directed and stars in the life story — told through hip-hop — of Alexander Hamilton and he is now Broadway’s newest darling.

So, Madge was sitting in the audience, being Madge, and ALLEGEDLY texted all the way through Act 2 and Miranda was not having it and he Tweeted:

“Tonight was the first time I asked stage management NOT to allow a celebrity — who was texting all through Act 2 — backstage #noselfieforyou.”

The Tweet was later deleted, but a source in the audience — perhaps it was Lohan looking for another theater gig … as an usher — says Madonna was texting throughout the night:

“It was definitely her. She was texting, I believe, although at one point she also pulled out a Blackberry. She was also 20 minutes late and caused quite a stir getting to her seat.”

Eventually Madge put down her phone after someone in the audience — and it might have been Patti LuPone who hates phones in theaters — hissed, “Shut it off!”

Still, Madge may have had good reason; perhaps her new boyfriend was getting out of middle school and needed a ride back to the manse?

HBO’s Going Clear documentary — which I have on the DVR, but still haven’t seen — brought plenty of damaging information about Scientology to the public. A small part of the film discussed the incredibly close friendship between Tom Cruise and CoS leader David Miscavige; Cruise is considered by many to be #2 in command of the ALLEGED church, though it’s clear he would never officially take over the helm because he’s also their biggest financial supporter.

See, for the past several years, Scientology has experienced money troubles — despite its tax-free status — and while they still have $1.5 billion in assets, most of that is in real estate and overhead, and those kinds of “liquid” assets are a problem because, thanks to the internet and the documentary and all that bad press from people who’ve escaped the “church,” people are no longer signing up for their nonsense.

Enter Cruise, chief CoS moneymaker. CoS desperately needs Mission: Impossible 5 to be a success because Tom’s backend deals ... tee hee, backend deals ... with studios are sweet and his money is about all they have coming in. I mean, that’s what a private 
investigator ALLEGEDLY  working for Miscavige told Wisconsin police when they brought him in for questioning in July 2013.

“Where do you think the funding comes from?” an investigator asked private investigator Daniel Powell in audio recordings.

“Probably Tom Cruise,” Powell says, to audible laughter. “I’m being serious, that’s probably where it comes from. [He] funds the church with anything they need. So he’s pretty much funding all of this. We make jokes all the time — when Tom Cruise’s last movie came out — it was a terrible movie, we were going around telling everybody how awesome the movie was. Go see the movie so Tom Cruise can get paid and we can get paid.”

I know it sounds crazy, but it also sounds true. I mean, no wonder he divorces his wives before the ten year end of pre-nup clause comes into effect. And he’s selling off real estate like there’s no tomorrow: his Hollywood Hills home can be yours for $13 million, while his Telluride manse is on the market for $59 million.

He needs the cash. Xenu spaceships don’t come cheap. ALLEGEDLY.

I love this one …

Tom Hardy is in a new film called Child 44 which, for some reason, is expected to bomb, so he’s not doing a lot of press for it. But when he does press, and when he’s asked about the Russian accent he use in the film, well, he says this:

“I watched Sesame Street. The Count speaks just like it.” 

Loving it!

Remember last week when Gwyneth Paltrow wrote in her GOOP-letter that she would be taking part in the Food Stamp Challenge? And remember how she posted the $29 worth of food items she bought to feast on for the entire week? And then remember how she went to lunch at a trendy, expensive, Brentwood restaurant, basically giving the challenge a big F-U?

Well, she wants you to know more …

“Last week, chef (and great man) Mario Batali challenged me to raise awareness and money for the NYC Food Bank by trying to live on $29 dollars for the week (what low income families on SNAP are trying to survive on). Dubious that I could complete the week, I donated to the Food Bank at the outset, and all of us at the goop office began the challenge.

As I suspected, we only made it through about four days, when I personally broke and had some chicken and fresh vegetables (and in full transparency, half a bag of black licorice). My perspective has been forever altered by how difficult it was to eat wholesome, nutritious food on that budget, even for just a few days—a challenge that 47 million Americans face every day, week, and year. A few takeaways from the week were that vegetarian staples liked dried beans and rice go a long way—and we were able to come up with a few recipes on a super tight budget.

After trying to complete this challenge I would give myself a C- …”

And she goes on to talk about how hard people have it, unless you’re GOOP, but seriously? A C-?

Gwyneth, honey? You delusional f**kwad? You.Failed. While many in this country eat for far less than $29 a week, you couldn’t handle four days without breaking, so stop trying to act like you understand.

You deserve an F, as in Shut.The.F.Up.

While on the red carpet for the Time 100 gala and concert, the highlarious — no, she’s seriously funny — Amy Schumer pretended to fall down right in front of Kim and Kanye Kardastrophe.

And what did Kimye do?

He didn’t budge, didn’t crack a smile, didn’t even acknowledge Schumer. Kash Kow appeared to smile, though with as much Botox as she has in her face it’s hard to tell, but … she and Kanye then moved further down the carpet for more photos while Amy picked herself up off the ground.

Man, do those two take themselves so seriously.

Remember when Sherri Shepherd married Lamar Sally and told the world about their spectacular Christian love? And remember when Sherri and Lamar used a surrogate to have the baby that would be a symbol of their spectacular Christian love? And then remember when they separated and Sherri said the baby wasn’t hears? Her story was that the child – only made so that Lamar The Gold-digger could get his hands on Sherri’s money … except she really has none because she was fired from The View before this whole mess started and girl ain’t got no real job — wasn’t hers because it was Lamar’s junk and a surrogate’s egg.

Anyway … now a Pennsylvania judge has ruled that Sherri is legally the mother of their surrogate baby, Lamar Sally Jr., and Lamar Sr. wants Sherri to go on TV and apologize to him.

Might have been a good idea, if they’d done the reveal of Sherri’s maternity on Maury. Lamar could have danced across the stage singing, ‘You’re the mother! You’re the mother!”

Christians. They’re funny.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

Usually when people win something, a cameraman stops them and asks how they're going to celebrate the big win, and they say something about going to Disneyworld.

Well, 'Survivor: Nicaragua' winner Judson Birza, who was dubbed Fabio for his hair and, perhaps his lack of smarts, should have taken that advice. See, rather than riding the Matterhorn in celebration, Birza went skateboarding in the streets of Santa Monica, which is illegal.

Bad enough, but then he was discovered to be in possession of a, ahem, controlled substance, and I'm fairly certain it wasn't an E-ticket--I'm showing my age there, show of hands of those who remember the E-tickets at Disneyland?
But then, in addition to being busted for being too old to be illegally skateboarding in Santa Monica, and for possessing some, um, narcotic, or some such, he was also nailed for an unrelated DUI warrant and a probation violation.
When it rains, it pours, and not just in Nicaragua.
Birza was being held on $37,000 bail.
Lucky for him he just won a million bucks, something tells me he's gonna need it.

You don't mess with Howard Stern, because he ain't playin'.

Shock jock, which, for me, has a very different meaning than someone who works in radio, Howard Stern is accusing late-night talk show host, and whiner, and hack, Jay Leno of ripping off his material. Stern took his accusations to Piers Morgan's CNN show, and announced, "Jay is insane. And Jay is a crook. And the world knows exactly what he's up to. He steals a tremendous amount of material."
Big surprise, he stole Conan's job.
And this isn't the first time Stern has gone after Leno; in fact, Stern says, "Just the mere mention of Jay Leno's name makes me to want to vomit," calling the 'Tonight Show' host, "a f**king con man, rip-off artist, no idea motherf**ker*."
Hmmm, Howard? How do you really feel?
In 2009, Stern also accused Leno of stealing one of his sketch ideas outright. It seems that both hosts invited a chicken--and yes, i mean an actual bird--on their shows to predict football wins for the following week. Stern was less than pleased, saying, "This must be a giant 'Punk'd' on me. This guy's ripped off like ten major things from my show. But the chicken thing we did for years."
And if you know Howard, like I know Howard, he isn't going to let this go; it's good for ratings to keep us this feud, but he is even more annoyed that anyone actually watches Leno: "I don't know how he's beaten David Letterman in the ratings. It's beyond my comprehension. America must be filled with morons who at night lay in bed -- the ones who are watching him, they must be in a coma."
Or dead.
Just sayin'.


Wow, an unplanned, unscheduled trainwreck is one thing, but to bring it back and try to recreate it's trainwreckedness--i know, not  a word--is another.

LOGO is bringing back that awful, so awful I watch every week to see how really awful it is, not-quite-so-real reality show, The A List.
Apparently the hijinks, and the lowjinks, will return in the fall of 2011 because it ranks as second most-watched series in Logo's history.
What? I thought it was the Buffy reruns....or the QAF reruns....or the Noah's Arc reruns.....or the....well, you get the idea.
There will be eleven new, 1-hour episodes picking up right where last season's crazy left off. We'll be subjected once again to Reichen and Rodiney's "relationship," Austin's attempts to stir the pot and drink himself more stupid than ever, and Ryan and his husband's struggle to adopt a child.
Wow. Color me scared.
But color me there.
I do love a trainwreck where no one actually gets hurt.

Oh Christina.
What up girrrrrl?

According to sources--and by sources I mean the team that stuffs Christina into her wardrobe--the songbird, and recent Golden Globe nominee, over-imbibed a little 'The Hurt Locker' star Jeremy Renner's 40th birthday party and gave him a rather, um, unwelcome surprise.
After the party, which was supposedly a celeb-fest, Renner went upstairs to his bedroom and he found the 'Burlesque' star sleeping it off in his bed.
According to another source--and by source, I mean the team that keeps the press filled with stories of Renner's ALLEGED non-gayness--Renner turned the Golden Globes into a Christina storytelling marathon, telling his tablemates: "I run up and open the door and I'm like, 'Um, hi. What are you doing?' She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone's birthday party that they don't know and gets in their bed? My parents were there!"
Uh oh, a high celeb party with mommy and daddy?
Another source--and by source, I mean bartender--said Christina "acted like a fool. Her boyfriend was shushing her and telling her to go to sleep."
Renner's rep says of the incident, "[Christina] was enjoying herself, but she wasn't in his bed."
Oh, so she slept it off on the bathroom floor like I used to do?


Julie Newmar was the first.
Michelle Pfieffer was next.
Halle Berry was the worst.

Now, in the new Batman movie, Anne Hathaway is set to don the claws as the new Catwoman, and I'm thinking this is purrfect.
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
Batman: The Dark Knight Rises director, Christopher Nolan, announced that Hathaway will join Tom Hardy and Christian Bale in his latest 'Batman' film: "I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story."

Tom Hardy, hunk-a-licious Tom Hardy, who also appeared in Nolan's last film, Inception, will play Batman's nemesis Bane, but Anne Hathaway was always on Nolan's shortlist of actresses--which included Jessica Biel [seriously?] and Keira Knightley--as Catwoman.

While we have seen our Catwoman's in several Batman films, this is only the second time Bane will appear in the franchise. The character was last seen as Poison Ivy's muscleman in Batman & Robin in 1997.
Hmm, Anne Hathaway? I'm there.
Christian Bale and Tom Hardy? I'm there and happy as a lark.

Elton John and David Furnish seemingly have everything.
Luxury. Each other. A fabulous life. And a new baby boy.

But, still, Elton is unfulfilled. but he doesn't long for more jewel-encrusted glasses or wackaddoodle suits. What Elton wants, more than anything, is for gay couples to have the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts.
At a recent fundraiser to overturn Proposition 8, new Daddy Elton had some choice words for those who oppose gay marriage: "I think I have it all. I have a wonderful career, a wonderful life. I have my health, I have a partner of 17 years, and now I have a son. I don't have everything because I don't have the respect of people like the church or like politicians who tell me that I'm not worthy, that I'm lesser because I'm gay, well f**k you!"
Elton then proceeded to put his money where his mouth is, and performed for the crowd, helping to raise more than $3 million dollars to fight hate, but he was still angry, and voiced his fury over the disparity between his rights and those of other parents.
"Here I am sitting with a wedding ring and I'm with my partner and we have a son, but we couldn't get married. We have a right to be recognized as a human being. We have to fight the good fight. And we will win."
Amen, Elton.


And, speaking of gay couples, though a couple not as happy as Elton and David, Melissa Etheridge revealed that she is dating Linda Wallem, the creator of Nurse Jackie, and Melissa's ex-girlfriend Tammy Lynn Michaels is none too happy about it.
Someone needs to build a bridge. 

While Etheridge and Wallem have been best friends for years--Wallem even served as "Best Man" at Michaels and Etheridge's wedding in 2003--they did not become a couple until a few months after Etheridge and Michaels split, appearing in public for the first time last August.
That's right. Melissa and Tammy Lynn split up almost a year ago, and Melissa began dating Linda over the summer, but Tammy Lynn is not happy, and not silent, about it.
Tammy Lynn has a blog, and writes what many consider to be long, rambling 'poems' where she rips into Etheridge's new relationship, and even accused Etheridge of cheating on her during their marriage--which ended officially in April 2010.

In one such poem, Tammy Lynn says, "i moved out November 23rd 2009 / she said it would help / i was convinced it would / too and i trusted there was / no one else / i didn't know / there was someone moving in / as i was moving out."

She continues, "three weeks later a box of new toys / was delivered and her assistant brought / it to my rental house as a mistake / i opened it / and that's when i felt something was up / i called her / "i have your new d***s on my kitchen counter?"

Michaels also says that she didn't realize their split was final until she listened to Etheridge's new album, "I understood / oh / you don't want to work it out / oh you already have someone in the wings / oh you already have pined for another / oh you are done here."

She also goes on to attack the reported relationship in PEOPLE, "since april of 09? Mmm / one of my little sweet peas told me otherwise much / earlier than that, Pooper magazine / they should have shut the bedroom door."

Etheridge's response to her ex's poem?

"I do not comment on haikus."

Ouch.

Oh, Cameron, you say the most shocking things.

Now she's telling the story of her days as a bad-assed girl living in "the LBC"--Long Beach California.

And she talks of her high school daze, where she distinctly remembers one student, Snoop Dogg: "He was very tall and skinny, wore lots of ponytails on his head. And I'm pretty sure I bought weed from him -- I had to have."

Cameron Diaz? Buying weed?

In high school?

Yeah, I think what she actually means is that she bought weed from Snoop just the other day, behind a Starbucks on La Cienega.

Well, well, Mel.

Looks like prosecutors are ready to file criminal charges against Mel Gibson.

Anti-Semite, homophobe, misogynist, religious wingnut.

Gibson's lawyer, Blair Berk, ALLEGEDLY met with LA Deputy District Attorney John Lynch for nearly two hours, reportedly attempting to convince authorities not to prosecute Gibson. i imagine there was some begging, the offer of free tickets to Gibson movies for life, and the presentation of a boxed set of Mel Gibson's best work; and by best work, I mean his vicious telephone rants and the tapes of him talking to sugar tits the first time he was arrested.
Quite the package.

Still, the pleadings seemed to have fallen on deaf ears, and sources--and by sources I mean everyone Gibson has ever said anything racist or bigoted about--say Melvin will almost definitely be charged. The charges stem from Gibson hitting ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, mother of his 14-month-old daughter, Lucia, and he will be charged with either a misdemeanor or a felony.

Oh, let's do the world a service and make it a felony? Gibson could face up to four years in prison; a misdemeanor could land him up to a year.I like the idea of four Mel-free years.

Melvin, however, will not go quietly. His team has subpoenaed Grigorieva's ex-bodyguard, Kristian Herzog, who was present at nearly all of Grigorieva's meetings with her lawyers, only he isn't bound by attorney-client privilege.

Still, the District Attorney has a very strong case, there is a lot of information that the public and Mel Gibson are unaware that the DA has, such as Gibson's own court testimony about the alleged abuse: "I slapped Oksana one time with an open hand in an attempt to bring her back to reality. I did not slap her hard, I was just trying to shock her so that she would stop screaming, continuing shaking Lucia back and forth."

Gibson maintains he never hit Grigorieva with a closed fist. "I did not ever punch her in the face or in the temple or anywhere else, not then or at any other time."

He just slapped her while she was holding a baby.

Felony!