Bobservations

Carlos thinks he’s funny. He’s a lot of things, sweet and smart and kind but he’s acquired taste of funny; he likes to make up jokes … like the email he sent to his friend Ellen who had a birthday last week. He wrote her a poem about aging joke and, yes, those can be funny if you’re turning forty or fifty, but when you’re turning 70+ a joke about how you started your life in diapers and you’ll be ending your life in diapers, is not necessarily funny to everyone.

Ellen was not amused—but to be fair, Ellen has no sense of humor.

But then later that same day I was purging the kitchen of things we didn’t need, don’t use, don’t want and I came across this oddly-shaped whisk; it looks like a large cone-shaped spring on a handle—perhaps a potato masher—and we don’t use it so I opted to donate it. Then Carlos saw it and said maybe he’d send it to his friend Byron who might like it as a sex toy, and I said:

“Honey. Honey. Sweetie. You’re not funny. You’re cute as a bug’s ear, sweet as all get out, and kinder than a pack of singing nuns in a Disney movie, but you’re not known for the funny.”

He put down the whisk.

This Tribute to Cats [and Dog]  is from March 2011 …  Caturday....With A Small Dose Of Dog[?]urday

Tuxedo and Max Goldberg like to sneak off for a 'nap'. Yeah, that's it......nap.

My two handsome men!

Consuelo Roca Jones. Hey, if she doesn't know I'm taking her picture, I don't get the stink eye!

And speaking of stink eye, Tallulah was giving it on the down-low when I caught her playing with Consuelo's toy.

And Ozzo, poor Ozzo. He begged not to be included on Caturday. He.Begged.

JD Vance gave a speech in which he noted that “we are about to celebrate the 25th year” of 9/11.

Celebrate? I think you mean commemorate dumbass because we are not celebrating the murders of 3,000 Americans.

Ever.

Sixteen years ago, Google pulled its search engine out of China because they chose not to submit to an authoritarian government.

Today they are renaming lakes because a fascist, sitting on the toilet at 2AM, told them so.

I have been watching Westies about New York in the 70s and the Irish and Italian mob going head-to-head. It’s good; gritty and dirty and then, of course, hot.

And by hot I mean that guy up there, Tom Brittney, who plays James, the good bad guy. He looks good in his jeans and even better out of his jeans..

Smolder. 

Just as I have never called that bloated, farting, diaper-shitting, racist, rapist, pedophile, grifting criminal my president,. I will never call the Gulf of Mexico by any other name, nor will I ever call Lake Ontario anything other than Lake Ontario. And the Kennedy Center will always be the Kennedy Center.

This is all a deflection for his inept ability to fix the economy, stop a war he started for no reason, and keep us from finding out how many young children he raped on Epstein’s Island.

Flock CEO Garrett Langley thinks you don’t deserve the right to privacy so his Flock Cameras are going up everywhere to watch you, but … Langley has blurred his house in Google maps because he thinks he deserves the right to privacy.

Think on that. 

Clark Bockelman is a thirty-four-year-old American high-fashion model who rose to prominence in the early 2010s due to his classic blond, muscular, "all-American" look … so, Would You Hit It?

Meme Dump: The All Cats Edition

Bobservations

This Tale of Tuxedo is from June 2009 and entitled The Tuesday Tuxedo:

I loves me some Tuxedo.

We rescued him from life as a blood donor in an animal hospital in Miami. They said he was mean; unadoptable....is that a word? Nothing but trouble. And he was, for the first few days.

Now, four years later he's a loving cat who follows you around the house, sits in the kitchen when you cook, and plays catch the reflection in the bathroom before we go to bed.

He's my boy. I call him 'My boy' just to irk Carlos, and it does.

But anyway, enough of the love story between me and el gato. What I wanted to point out was how he sits at the top of the chair in our home office; his hind claws dug in for support and his front legs dangling down either side.

Cute. Right?

Not so much. He sits like that because he was declawed by a veterinarian who thought it might make him a better candidate for adoption. You know, less mean and aggressive. So they cut off his fingers; cat's claws are not like our fingernails, they are like our fingers. Cats use them to scratch and groom themselves, to pick up things, to play with things, and for protection. Cutting off his fingers wasn't a good idea. It didn't make him less aggressive, it made him more aggressive because now he has only his back feet and claws to use as a defense.

So, if you have a cat or want a cat, don't, don't, let anyone talk you into cutting off their fingers. If you want to declaw a cat because you have a leather sofa, or pretty velvet drapes, then either get rid of the cat or get rid of the couch and drapes. Or do like Carlos and I have done, train your cats not to claw the furniture. Because even though they don't show it, they are listening.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

When bullets fly where old powerful white men gather, suddenly a ballroom is a necessary solution but when school kids are targeted those same old powerful white men are speechless. 

Ernie Dosio, a millionaire big game hunter was out shooting yellow-backed duiker, a species of antelope, in Gabon when he and his guide surprised five female elephants with a calf in the Lope-Okanda rainforest.

He was trampled to death by that herd of elephants; the guide was left severely injured in the attack.

Sorry, not sorry.

Instead of going after Comey for a photo of seashells, they should be investigating the current President for threatening to kill an entire civilization.

PS 86 is a restaurant term for being out of something—86 soup means you’re out of soup—it has never meant kill.

Former Friends star Lisa Kudrow has revealed what kind of residuals the stars are earning now, twenty years after the show ended its run.

Sidenote: the cast renegotiated their contracts after the first year as a team so they would all be paid the same amount of money and each received $1 million an episode.

Now, as the show thrives in reruns each Friend still collects a whopping $20 million a year in residuals.

I knew I should have gotten the part on that show when I auditioned, but they went with Aniston instead!

Bobby Kennedy shared a screenshot of his father, RFK Jr.’s message after the “shooting” over the weekend; Bobby wrote:

"Pops you OK"

RFK Jr.'s current wife, actor Cheryl Hines, responded:

"Yes! Was crazy! Bobby’s security team came in so fast & took us out of the building. They were lifting me over chairs!"

When RFK Jr. finally responded, he gave his status:

"im really hungry"

Doesn’t sound so dangerous after all.

Luc Defont-Saviard is a prominent French fashion model recognized for his work with top luxury brands and international fashion houses and who lives in Nice, France; Nice is nice so Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that when I create a To Do List, it lists things like burst someone’s bubble, or stir the pot, or toot my own horn … add my two cents … skate on thin ice … add fuel to the fire.

… that while I was at the bakery I heard a little boy behind me cry to his mother, “Mom, there are only four donuts left!” and when the counterperson asked what I wanted I said, “Four donuts please.”

… that while I am awful at sit ups and lousy at push ups my fuck ups are top notch.

… that I've always wondered if any of my recorded calls have been used for training or quality purposes.

… that y’all need to know that you can’t believe everything I post on here cuz Rosita is always stealing my phone

… that y’all don’t realize if your birth year starts with 19 you shouldn’t be wrapping presents on the floor

… I follow the 7/7/7 plan at work … do my job for 7 minutes, then spend 7 minutes booking a cruise and then disappear for 7 days

… that when people tell me I’m intimidating I always say, ‘Good. Think three times before speaking to me.’

… that you need to know that I am not an asshole; I am a hemorrhoid and I only irritate assholes.

… that I love it when one of the cats sighs and I say, “Oh, what’s up my little unemployed freeloader?”

New Year's Memes ... with Special Appearances By ...