I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Ten years ago, Daniel Radcliffe, AKA Harry Potter, said goodbye to alcohol and committed to a sober life. He was just twenty at the time. Now thirty, he is laying the blame for being a drunk at the feet of … Harry Potter:

“If I went out and if I got drunk, I’d suddenly be aware of there being interest in that because it’s not just a drunk guy. It’s ‘Oh, Harry Potter’s getting drunk in the bar.' It’s inherently funny for people.”

Well, that might be true, but then that would presume that every celebrity who is most well-known for one role would be out getting drunk; but only people with a proclivity for alcoholism are getting drunk and blaming it on a role they played. And then he blamed being a child star:

“They are by that point the breadwinner for their family. So multiple people are now reliant on them continuing to do this job and they feel pressured into it and forced into it.”

Again, though, Dan, I need to disagree, because you are again presupposing that it’s a situation that makes you a drunk—being a child star, in this case—and not your own choices, or your own genetics.

I mean, if being a child star meant you’d turn out to be a drug-addled drunk in public bar hopping loon please explain how Lindsay Lohan stayed sober all these years … or Dana Plato … Dustin Diamond … Amanda Bynes …

Oh, wait, maybe he’s right because … nope, Neil Patrick Harris … Joseph Gordon-Levitt … Natalie Portman … or even Daniel’s Potter co-star Emma Watson. They turned out fine.

So, I’m glad you’re sober Dan, but it wasn’t Potter and it wasn’t child stardom.

It was you.

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And speaking of celebrities at a loss for how the real world works … Gwyneth Paltrow.

Last week, the GOOP Instagram account posted a photo of Paltrow’s $1,000.00 outfit, with the caption: 

“Most days you’ll find GP wearing G.Label with a pair of sneakers—which is one reason we make it an annual tradition to put together a fresh sneaker guide each year. Get ready to cover some serious ground (run, don’t walk).”

 Yes, Paltrow wants y’all to run out and drop a grand on her ugly ass clothes and tennis shows that you can wear while you self-isolate.

And because Paltrow is tone deaf and privileged and unaware of the outside world if it doesn’t feature her, Twitter and Instagram dragged her and GOOP so hard and so long that she was forced to delete the post.

And replaced it with one about working at home without the need for a $1,000 outfit you can get at Walmart or Target for about $30.

Oh, Gwynnie, as we say herein the south: Bless your heart.

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Last we heard about Brandi Glanville, ex-member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she was engaged in a lesbian affair with RHoBH’s Denise Richards—even though now they both deny there was any muff diving.

So, what’s Brandi to do? Talk about the men who’ve schtupped her. Yes, the woman who became famous because her husband, Eddie Cibrian, was cheating on her with LeAnn Rimes, and rode that story to a “career” in reality TV, is now dishing the dirt about dick.

Recently on the Everything Iconic podcast, Brandi talked about her famous, er, infamous, f**ks, besides Gerard Butler:

“I dated a lot, I made out a lot. I made out with one of the men in ‘The Notebook.’ They were single at the time, that’s all I will say. I can’t say [who].”

And we’ll stop, because clearly it wasn’t Ryan Gosling, because if it was, she’d be shrieking it from a rooftop somewhere near Gosling’s home, so it must have been Billy Connolly, the guy in The Notebook who wasn’t Ryan Gosling. And there’s more:

“I dated Ben Stiller for a little while, he has a giant penis.”

Well, to be fair, Ben did admit on Watch What Happens Live  that he and Brandi went on a couple dates before he was married, and it was “fun”. But Brandi is also insisting that she went out with two of the Friends … but not Chandler Bing:

“We went back to [Matt LeBlanc’s] house, he let his dog lick his ice cream and I was out. I was like, ‘Nope.’ I was totally gonna have sex with him, then the dog licked the ice cream and he licked the ice cream and I was like, ‘I can’t.’”

So, she set her sights on Schwimmer, David Schwimmer:

“He wore makeup. He wore concealer out during the day and it really annoyed me. I understand you’re on set, you’re used to wearing makeup, but I wasn’t used to a man wearing makeup. In the moment, it bothered me.”

Brandi also claims Schwimmer called her a “bigger girl,” even though she only weighed “like 109 pounds.”

Keep in mind, now, that the woman who cried adultery when her husband cheated, clearly did a little cheating herself; and keep in mind that, with the exception of Stiller, who begrudgingly admitted to a “date,” and LeBlanc, who has said not one word about Brandi, that David Schwimmer says she’s clearly lying, and Gerard Butler, when asked about a Glanville hook-up went all Mariah Carey and said:

“Who?”

She isn’t that memorable.

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Britney Spears may screech about working, bitch, she wants y’all to know that she’s done with it.

Apparently BritBrit no longer wants to work because she doesn’t want to continue keeping herself under the conservatorship of her father and earning him any more coins.Britney resents the fact that her dad is given a $10,000 monthly allowance for her finances.

Look., here’s my take: she’s a terrible singer, and a so-so entertainer, and has a history of instability, so if she wants to stay home with her 26-year-old boyfriend, Sam Asghari, I say:

“Work that, bitch.”

I would.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But

Gwyneth Paltrow sells high-priced crap over there at GOOP, but she has clearly gone over the edge, fat head first.

GOOP is selling a candle that, ahem, ALLEGEDLY smells like Gwyneth’s vagina. And you have to pay $75 to get her cooch smell in your house.

Paltrow claims the candle, and her vagina, smells of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed.”

I think it probably smells more like inflated ego and desperation.

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Apparently, Husband-In-My-Head … and yes, I’ve lost count of how many of those I have … Michael B Jordan has only recently moved out of the house he shared with his parents Donna and Michael A Jordan.

While it might seem as good news, it would have been better to learn he moved out of his parents’ house and in with, oh, I dunno, I’m just spit balling here, Bob and Carlos?

Just saying. We have the room, Michael.

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I have given up on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since those hens drove Lisa Vanderpump off the show, but I still loves me some RHoBH gossip.

Apparently, right in the midst of filming the upcoming season, Denise Richards has up and quit the show because her affair with former RHoBH housewife Brandi Glanville was exposed.

Oh, and Denise is married. Richards stopped filming RHoBH after a nasty showdown with her cast members who confronted her over having a months-long affair with Brandi Glanville.

Richards and Glanville had ALLEGEDLY been seeing one another from the beginning of 2019 up until the middle of the year, with Richards telling Glanville that she and her husband Aaron Phypers had an open marriage, but maybe that was a lie, and Brandi was furious at being the “other woman” to another woman.

Seriously, Denise. You thought you could have an affair with a woman, and a woman like Brandi Glanville, while filming a reality show and no one would notice?

Gurl.

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What do the Karda$trophe$ like more than fame? Coin$. Coin$ and fame, but mo$tly coin$.

Which explain$ why Khloé Karda$trophe decided to put her name to the late$t weight-lo$$ product, Flat Tummy $hakes, even though she employ$ both a trainer and a nutritioni$t:

“Ok... I’ve posted with @flattummyco’s Shakes in the past and YES, I also use a personal trainer and nutritionist, but THESE SHAKES WORK to help get your tummy back to flat. Trust me you guys… Go get 25% off the same Shakes I drink.”

And as the interwebz do, people went nut$ trying to figure out why a woman with a nutritioni$t and a trainer is $hilling diet shake$.

Coin$.

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A few weeks back Lindsay Lohan threatened this country by saying she was moving back to America. She gave us that tired “I want my movie career back” line, and tossed in something new about managing her sister’s singing career, but is there more?

Perhaps she needs to come home and sit with Mama Dina “Where my chardonnay at?” Lohan now that Dina’s been arrested for ALLEGEDLY t-boning another lady’s car in the parking lot of an Outback Steakhouse and then fleeing the scene. Luckily the woman she hit followed Dina home to Long Island, parked herself outside Dina’s house and called the police.

Police came, but say Dina refused to submit to a drug/alcohol test, though they observed clear signs of intoxication. So, like her daughter before her, Dina Lohan was arrested for DWI, leaving the scene of an accident and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. And since Dina was also arrested for DWI in September 2013, this means she’s facing a felony charge.

Sadly, since Lindsay has no money and none of her johns will pay for a flight that doesn’t involve some kind of sexual favor, Lindsay will have to Jet Blue her way home, and that might take months.

Perhaps Dina will be sober by then, and she and Lindsay can head out to the Outback for a keg of Long Island Iced Teas.

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I used to watch Wendy Williams. I found her kinda funny …How you doin? But then she made several transphobic jokes about Caitlyn Jenner, I sent her a letter calling her out and stopped watching. And I’m glad, because she’s an immature moron who goes after people for the most idiotic reasons.

This week it was Joaquin Phoenix and the scar on his lip. Yes, a grown-assed woman made fun of a man because he has a scar on his lip. Wendy was flapping her yap about the Golden Globes and turned to Phoenix; she had nothing really to say about him, so she went personal and talked about his appearance. Wendy noted that his lip scar made him “oddly attractive,” and then mimed a cleft lip before talking with her hands all the way in her mouth. 

Funny stuff. Well, not to Adam Bighill, a Canadian football player whose son was born with a cleft palate. Bighill, called her out on Twitter and demanded an apology, revealing that his son Beau was having surgery to repair his lip that day:

“Today is Beau’s big day. He is getting his lip repaired today in Winnipeg by the fantastic Dr. Ross.”

And Wendy did apologize, sort of, finally:

“We’re thinking about Beau today as he is in surgery. I want to apologize to the cleft community and in Beau’s honor, our show is donating to @operationsmile and @AmerCleftPalate and encourage our Wendy Watchers to learn more and help support the cleft community.”

Well, Cher heard about Wendy’s stupidity and the apology, and the fact that her show not Wendy Williams personally made a donation, and she all-capped her anger at the talk show yapper:

“@WendyWilliams I Was Going To Try & Hold My Temper BUT IM SO F-NG ANGRY I CANT.
In 1985 I Made a Film Called “MASK” THROUGH THAT FILM I BECAME INVOLVED WITH CHILDREN,& ADULTS WHO HAD CRANIOFACIAL  ANOMALIES. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THESE PPL GO THROUGH20+ OPERATIONS … BEFORE THEIR TEENS!! MUCH OF THE TIME THEY ARE IN PAIN,AFRAID,BUT HAVE HOPE THEY WILL LOOK NORMAL. THE& FEAR THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH IS UNBEARABLE. IF YOUR MOM SAW WHAT YOU DID SHE’D BE ASHAMED. MY MOM TAUGHT ME TO LOVE & HELP PPL IN PAIN.WHO ARE U!?U SHOULD B FIRED.”

Note to Wendy: don’t ever piss off Cher because she has never had a f**k to give and she will come for you. In fact, she’ll even come for your fan … singular … one Stefano Scibetta who Tweeted to Cher:

“She apologized.”

Oh Stefano, have you learned nothing.

“APOLOGIZED!? THERE IS NO APOLOGY FOR WHAT SHE DID…. & LAUGHED ABOUT!! I KNOW THESE CHILDREN,& ADULTS.THEY GO THROUGH HELL,THEIR PARENTS GO THROUGH HELL!! Fk Her Apology. SHE WANTS TO KEEP HER JOB!! I CANT CONTAIN MY ANGER!!”

Wendy is a moron, and really isn’t worth Cher’s time, but I love her for taking on this talk show dimwit, this grown-assed woman who thinks making fun of people’s appearance is funny.

Careful Wendy …

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It's Snarkurday!

50 Cent is a petty lil bitch; I mean, you always hear about women catfighting, but Fiddy is the queen of the catfight.

It seems that he and fellow rapper Ja Rule have hated each other for years and recently, after one of Ja’s shows was cancelled, Fiddy trolled him with this:

“Only 10 tickets sold don’t nobody want to see that shit, you talking about wait we get a lot of people on the walk up. Get the fuck outta here get the strap.”

Yeah, I’m not sure what it means either, because Fiddy don’t know punctuation, but, to add insult to injury he then bought all the front row seats at another Ja Rule show so they would be empty on the night of the performance.

Like I said, petty lil bitch.

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Beyoncé changes her weave and it becomes news, so how does former bandmate Kelly Rowland keep her name in the papers?

By posting a picture of herself in which her skin appears to be several shades lighter than normal, and then taking on the ALLEGED trolls who think she bleaches her skin:

“Don’t go saying stupid stuff like that. You ever thought that it could be the lighting? I am still chocolate, forever chocolate, proud to be chocolate, shoutout to all my chocolate girls.”

Girl, bye; no one needs your Fake New story.

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Kanye West has designed T-shirts encouraging black people to exit—or Blexit–the Democratic Party.

I’m designing Kexit for people leaving Kanye West. That’s all.

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Every year Casamigos Tequila holds a Halloween party in LA where A-listers mingle with B-listers, C-listers … and Kathy Griffin.

And you just know that booze and costumes are a recipe for d-i-saster, and so when you throw in former Real Housewife and media whore Brandi Glanville, the recipe gets doubled.

It seems Glanville attended the party with a female friend whose ex-boyfriend, Kobie Randolph, aka DJ K-LUV, turned up, too.

And Kobie claims his ex-girlfriend assaulted him—punching him in the face and splitting his lip—and then Brandi jumped in, too, but … Brandi told cops she broke up the fight. I know! Let that sink in … Brandi Glanville broke up a fight.

Anyway, even though Randolph filed a police report for battery, no one was arrested, but like I said ….

Liquor + costumes + Brandi Glanville = d-i-saster.

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It’s time for another piece of the saga that is the Nicki Minaj-Cardi B feud.

A few weeks ago, the two singers had a fight on a red carpet with Cardi B hurling a shoe and Nicki hurling F-bombs.

So, what’s happening now? Well, Nicki’s talking and talking about Cardi B because her own tour was canceled—people are over Miss Minaj—and so she’s stirring the shiz.

Nicki began saying Cardi wasn’t assaulted by one of Nicki’s bodyguards at that fashion event, and Nicki is claiming Cardi is exerting some of her “influence” to keep people from collaborating with Nicki. Nicki is also claiming that no matter what Cardi says, she did not reveal the B’s private phone number.

Cardi reacted with this:

“I’m tired of the f**king whole internet sh*t, I’m tired of the interview sh*t. If you really wanna talk about it, you know where to link me … We can talk about it, or we can fight it out. I’m with whatever.” 

Then Nicki Tweeted: 

“I’ll pay you to take a lie detector test about every claim I made [but] you won’t. I must admit you’re a convincing liar.” 

Then Nicki claimed she was through:

“I know this stuff is entertaining & funny to a lot of people but I won’t be discussing this nonsense anymore.” 

Odd, since Nicki’s the one who restarted the feud, but I guess when your relevancy is slipping, and your ego is taking a beating, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep your name in the news.

At least she’s not talking about how she doesn’t bleach her skin.

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Oh Paltrow, again? Gwyneth Paltrow’s favorite child, GOOP, is in trouble again. After being ordered to fork over $145,000 because of the vagina eggs they were shilling, GOOP is now in trouble in the UK.

The Sunday Times claims GOOP is being “reported to British regulators over 113 alleged breaches of advertising law.” 

The issue at the center of this mess is a vitamin supplement packet marketed to pregnant women called The Mother Load which contains a high amount of vitamin A and too much vitamin A during pregnancy can “lead to birth defects and liver toxicity.” 

Naturally, a spokesperson for GOOP was at the ready:

“When used as recommended, Goop’s The Mother Load supplements are safe during pregnancy … The Mother Load contains a very moderate 450 mcg of vitamin A which is less than the recommended daily intake of 600 mcg per day … The 4000 IU beta-carotene included in Mother Load is only converted in the body to vitamin A as needed, and there is no safety concern for eating this, as there would be no safety concern for eating a large number of carrots containing beta-carotene.”

The statement did admit that the “concern is that pregnant women not consume excessive vitamin A,” and added that “moderation is the best policy.” 

Seriously, the company that sells t-shirts for a grand-and-a-half is suggesting moderation?

Someone get Gwyneth’s $900,0000 fainting couch ready.

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Last week we talked about That Woman gifting her BFF with a trip to the plastic surgeon for her birthday, and now we learn that one of That Woman’s demon spawn, Kylie, has gifted her with a brand-new $250,000Ferrari for her 666th birthday.

Of course, the gift exchange took place on camera and once That Woman slithered into and then out of the driver’s seat the car was taken back to the dealer and then sold at a greatly reduced price.

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A year ago, Today was sending Matt Lauer to The Old Sexual Predator’s Home while trying to find a way to keep the coins from the year-and-a-half left on his $20 million a year contract for themselves. Naturally, Lauer wanted it all and ALLEGEDLY got nothing, but now it’s Megyn Kelly’s turn.

Kelly was halfway through her $69 million three-year contract with NBC News when she got the axe for her racist insensitivity and now she wants every single penny left on her deal and is refusing to sign a non-disclosure agreement. 

NBC News chairman Andy Lack doesn’t wanna give up the coins and seems to be saying that Kelly’s idiotic blackface comments broke her morals clause and so she gets no mo money.

Sources—and it might be Lauer who may be sleeping on the Today Show set—say that it’s not known how this will pan out, and it all depends on how hard Megyn’s lawyers fight against NBC’s lawyers for that check.

We’ll get a clue when the wine budget for Hoda and Kathie Lee comes in; if it’s up, Kelly’s screwed, but if it’s down, she’s scored some big bucks.

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About a year ago, rumors broke about Sarah Jessica Parker and another SATC movie, and how Kim Cattrall was ruining it all by refusing to come back to that tired saga. And suddenly the press was attacking Cattrall, calling her a diva and “difficult” and “greedy,” claiming she was ruining SATC for the world—while I think she did us a favor by taking it off life-support—because she’s an awful person.

The controversy heated up again when SJP, acting just so sweet and innocent, dismissed Cattrall in the press—using her lap-dog, Andy Cohen to help smear Kim—even when Cattrall was mourning the loss of her brother.

Cattrall then slammed SJP for her fakery on social media, calling out her phony nice-girl persona and after that, for a while at least, SJP shut up and the feud seemed over.

But SJP just can’t help herself, and is once again letting everyone know that she never did anything wrong and that Kim Cattrall is the bad guy:

“If one more person calls this a catfight… I’m not in a fight. I never fought with Kim … She has felt perfectly comfortable to say lots of things—that’s the beauty of living in a democracy—but I have no apologies, meaning, this isn’t a catfight. This is someone who chose to talk about something and myself, I remain grateful for her work and the role she played on and off camera for all the years we spent together.”

Someone who “chose to talk”? Um, yeah, Kim talked, and said she didn’t want to do an SATC again, and then talked when SJP went after her in her passive-aggressive, woe is me, I’m so nice way; and then Kim closed her mouth and yet SJP keeps talking.

And sure, SJP didn’t use her own voice to attack Kim; she used Cohen and Kristin Davis and supporting players on SATC and day players, to smear Kim Cattrall, while Kim used her own voice and spoke her own truth and then shut up.

If there isn’t a catfight, Sarah, it’s on Kim’s side because she’s moved on; you’re the one keeping it alive.

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More Kanye ... 

After his insane visit to the White House, amongst all his Twit-Rambles and his new line of Blexit shirts, this week the rapper/lunatic claimed he was being used by the politicians and is now swearing off politics for good.

If only he’d swear off Twitter …and music …and fashion… too.

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It's Snarkurday!

We haven’t heard a lot from Kanye lately, perhaps because his meds are, well, were, balanced and working. But now, after his—as The Queen might call it—annus horribilis ... not bad anus, but horrible year ... Kanye is ready to make someone pay.

Namely his insurance company; yup, Kanye is suing Lloyd’s of London $10 million he says he’s owed because he had a mental breakdown last year after cancelling his last tour.

It all started last year with the highly publicized “jewel heist” in Paris when Missus Yeezy had her costume jewelry stolen; that made Kanye cancel two shows and he wants to be reimbursed. But then came his, not one, but two, onstage, Dear Baby Jeebus he’s lost his mind moments in both San Jose and Sacramento before finally putting the tour, and his audiences, out of their misery and checking into the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital Center.

Two days later, while still being cared for crazy, he submitted the first of his loss claims to Lloyd’s, though now Kanye says he hasn’t seen a penny.

The suit goes on to say Lloyd’s have not “provided anything approaching a coherent explanation about why they have not paid” but that they have implied that “Kanye’s use of marijuana may provide them with a basis to deny the claim.”

Look, here’s the deal, Yeezy, your wife had a meltdown after a robbery and you took time off; you don’t get paid for that, it’s called being a husband. Then you freaked out on your audience—who paid to see you, though I have no good reason for that—and you want more money for ranting and stomping off-stage and checking into a hospital to determine you’re crazy, though you were ALLEGEDLY sane enough to file a claim from your bed?

Yup, you Krazy.

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Anthony Scaramucci, we hardly knewcci.

I stole that from Twitter.

Anyway ... like a once bright shining star that burned too hot, and died too soon, The Mooch is gone, and before we knew what happened; or do we?

See, what had happened was that The Married Mooch’s relationship with Fox news correspondent Kimberly Guilfoyle may have been one of the reasons for his ouster.

It appears that, since The Mooch was dating the Fox news blonde, that certain gossip sites had begun looking into White House shenanigans, like the dinner The mooch and The Mistress attended at the White House that was leaked to the press and lead to Scaramucci’s “tirade” about, um, well, servicing his own Little Mooch.

See, the gossip sites wanted the real deal behind why The Mooch was out and about dating when his wife, nine months pregnant, was about to give birth.

Yup, when a man squires his jump-off to the White House while his wife is giving birth to his child, people talk, and maybe the White House needed one less scandal. And, as of this week, Anthony, who sent a text to his wife congratulating her on giving birth to their child, still has not seen his new born.

But, you know, he’s been busy trying to sell his ten-minute story to the news media.

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Remember when Aretha Franklin faxed her displeasure with Dionne Warwick over some lingering beef from Whitney Houston’s funeral? I mean, the fight was real, but it was the idea that RiRi faxed the info to the press that was high-larious, because I thought she’d send a telegram.

Well, now Franklin maybe ponying up some cash to get the Pony Express the relay her next story: her feud with Patti LaBelle.

LaBelle has an interview with PrideSource—she has a new jazz album, Bel Hommage, to peddle—and it seems to go along the lines of an interview she gave back in 2014, where she claimed she was no longer a “diva” because “all these little heifers who can’t sing are called divas.”

Now, in case you forgot, the original beef between LaBelle and Franklin was pie ... and chili. See, Pattie began going door-to-door hawking her Sweet Potato Pie and so Aretha got all up in the frozen food biz and began driving around the country selling Aretha’s Chili, Gumbo, Chicken, and Desserts. Patti gave a five-octave, Oh hell nooooooooooooooooooooooo and it was on.

Patti said in that interview:

“Now, there are a lot of ladies in this industry who don’t care for Patti LaBelle but I look at them and I smile. Because what can I do? I can’t change your mind, boo, because I don’t wanna change your mind. You go on thinkin’ about me the way you think.”

In case you missed it, ‘boo’ is Franklin and, in this case, ‘boo’ means you best watch your step Franklin or else I’ll snatch that wig off your head and those dead animals skins off your back.

Still, why not do us all a favor, stop cooking, shut up and sing.

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Queen Elizabeth II is 91 years old and maybe she’s lived this long because she follows one strict rule; alcohol. Yup, she’s pickled. Well, she gets pickled ion a daily basis.

Business Insider has a list of all the things The Queen likes to eat and drink in a day, like the usual suspects, tea and biscuits, toast and marmalade, tea sandwiches.

But it’s her cocktails that are interesting: The Queen has four drinks a day ... or drinks four times a day ... and ALLEGEDLY starts before noon with a Dubonnet and gin with a slice of lemon. That’s right, booze on booze; I bow down to this Queen. 

Then she has wine with lunch, followed by a dry gin martini and after dinner, she has a glass of champagne.

Wait; what happened to the before dinner drinks and the during dinner wines? I think maybe the Queen has a bit more than four, and , yeah, I’ll party with her.

Maybe, if I get her drunk enough, she’ll let me wear one of her hats ... and tell Prince Harry to sit on my lap.

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Speaking of getting your drunk on ... didn’t Ben Affleck spend some time in rehab last year for alcohol abuse? Then please to explain why Ben and his girlfriend of three months years, Lindsay Shookus, were spotted at a liquor store in Maine.

Both Radar and People report that Ben and Lindsay were spotted at the Umbrella Factory liquor store in Naples, Maine on Sunday. But, maybe he had nothing to hide, because NotBatmanAnymore Affleck posed for pictures with a store employee.

And the best part is the employee posted the picture to social media and then added other pictures from the store security camera, of Ben and Lindsay, Bindsay? Afflookus? in the store the day before.

And, to be fair, an alcoholic in a liquor store isn’t an automatic relapse. Maybe he was just helping Lindsay with her stash?

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Ever since The Beauty And The Beast live-action remake shocked everyone by not being a Big Budget D-I-Saster, everyone has been tossing around live-action remakes of Disney movies. 

Lin Manuel-Miranda is ALLEGEDLY bringing The Live-Action Little Mermaid to the screen, and Will “I’m No Scientologist” Smith has signed on to be the genie in an Aladdin reboot.

Robin Williams be damned, I say.

But now comes word that Beyoncé is close to signing a deal to voice Nala in The Lion King and that Disney is expected to fork over $25 million for it. Seriously? For $25 million you don’t get the ass-shaking, weave-whipping, fierce-grunting Bey? You just get lip-syncing Beyoncé?

Walt Disney’s frozen head must be spinning in his cryogenic freezer.

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So, back in 2013, ex-Real Housewife Brandi Glanville appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked her about some story she’d told once about fellow ex-Real House Joanna Krupa having a smelly, um, er, well, it’s the Age of _____ so, pussy.

Brandi says ex-Real Housewife Yolanda Foster’s ex-husband, Mohamed Hadid, told her that he’d slept with Krupa and she smelled bad ... down there. He's quite the gentleman. So, Brandi took the tale to TV and the world and Krupa took her to court, though that begs the question:

How does one prove their vah-jay-jay don’t stink and how do I avoid that jury duty.

Doody. Hee hee. Brandi demanded a “trial by jury” and Krupa wasn’t walking away, so it looked like this mess would happen but ... it’s case closed now.

The feuding reality “stars” have reached an out-of-court settlement with the stipulations remaining confidential, though Krupa’s lawyers say she’s pleased with the outcome and Brandi eating ... no, not that ... crow:

“I want to apologize to Joanna Krupa for the statements I have made about her. I regret making such statements about Joanna Krupa; I also certainly never intended my statements to be taken so seriously and out of proportion. I apologize as I never wanted my statements to affect Joanna Krupa’s reputation and I wish her nothing but continued success in life.”

Wow. I never thought Brandi would back down! Perhaps she stopped drinking for half a minute and realized she’d never win that case unless she took a trip ... down there ... in court.

Ick.

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More Beyoncé ... back in February, the family of Anthony Barré, AKA Messy Mya, filed a suit against Beyoncé for using his voice in her song Formation.

Messy Mya was murdered in 2010 and then Beyoncé used samples of his voice in her song with no citation, no credit, no permission and no coins. And so the family sued, but since Beyoncé believes all she does is right, even stealing the art of a dead person for her own personal bank account, she filed to dismiss the case and went on about her business.

Not so fast, gurl, said Judge Nannette Jolivette Brown, who denied the request.

At this stage facts ALLEGED by the plaintiff are deemed true, and Brown found that Barre had made a case that Beyoncé’s use of the clips was not transformative and that, although the samples were short, it was a “qualitatively significant” use. She also notes that a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim, like this one, is “viewed with disfavor and is rarely granted.”

In other words, Beyoncé may think she’s all that, but Judge Brown say, Not today, Satan.

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So, Silver Foxes, the Golden Girls homage featuring aging homosexuals, is as dead as Sophia’s cooch. And Hollywood homophobia is ALLEGEDLY to blame!

The creators are saying that Hollywood is shutting doors on Foxes because of ageism and homophobia because mature gays aren’t the most recognized demographic and they tend to be generally ignored ... especially from younger gays who don’t yet know that this will be them in a few years.

Co-creator, and co-writer of several Golden Girls episodes, Stan Zimmerman says he can’t get a major network to even look at the script:

“In all my years in television, I’ve never seen a script reading get so much attention. I think this proves that there’s a great interest in seeing a sitcom like ours come to life. Ageism and homophobia are not only keeping the show from getting picked up, but from even being read by a major network.”

The creators and the cast—George Takei, Leslie Jordan, Bruce Vilanch, and Todd Sherry—met up for a table read in June but that may be all that this turns out to be. And while I might have liked to see a gay Golden Girls but if I ever get to thinking about it, I’d realize there already was a gay Golden Girls called ...

The Golden Girls.

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