Miss Lindsey Is Dead

Well, well, well …♪♫ Ding Dong ♫♪ Lindsey Graham is dead. I saw lots of words about it on Facebook yesterday and kinda put it all together and do what he asked of America in 2016 when he said, on camera:

"Use my words against me."

And so these are some of his words … but first the facts: Miss Lindsey died Saturday night at his Washington home of what his office calls a “brief and sudden illness.” He served four terms, chaired the Judiciary and Budget committees, and spent decades as one of the loudest voices in American foreign policy.

First thing Sunday morning the stories came in … Cankles declared Lindsey a "true American Patriot" while fellow war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu said Lindsey was a beloved friend. But now let’s hear Lindsey Graham in his own words:

In December 2015, Graham called Cankles a "race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot."

In February 2016 he said: "I think he's a kook. I think he's crazy."

Also in 2016 he said: “There’s only one way to make America great again. Tell [him] to go to hell.”

In May he wrote: "If we nominate [him] we will get destroyed... and we will deserve it."

And he refused to vote for him. But then Cankles won the presidency and Lindsey Graham discovered golf and by late 2017 Lindsey was scolding the media for calling the president a “kook.” Not the first time his own words came back at him.

His best friend was John McCain, a man Cankles the Draft Dodging Bone Spur mocked for being captured in Vietnam and kept mocking even after McCain dead. Lindsey Graham wept for McCain on the Senate floor and then kissed the ass of the man who spat on McCain’s grave.

In response to Cankles remarks about McCain, Miss Lindsey said: “I don’t like what he says about John McCain but when we play golf, it’s fun.”

The words he wanted used against came in 2016, when he swore that if a Supreme Court seat opened in an election year, the next president should fill it; in 2018 he repeated the promise and added: "hold the tape." Then, in October 2020, as Judiciary chairman, he rammed Amy Coney Barrett onto the Court eight days before the election.

In November 2020, Georgia's Republican secretary of state said Graham had called him asking about tossing legally cast mail ballots. Graham lied about it and denied it, fought the grand jury subpoena all the way to the Supreme Court, and lost.

On January 6th, with the glass still on the Capitol floors, doors still broken into pieces and insurrectionists’ feces still smeared on the walls, Lindsey Graham announced:

"Count me out. Enough is enough."

He was done with Cankles … but within months he was back at Mar-Illegal.

He cheered the country into war with Iraq and just three weeks ago he was on television promising that if diplomacy failed, Cankles was "going to take the Strait of Hormuz."

Graham infamously and shamelessly and relentlessly defended Cankles during corruption investigations, impeachment proceedings, rape trials, and manner of legal controversies, and was widely known as the biggest brown-noser in Washington.

Now, to be fair Lindsey was, at one time, a fair politician, working with both parties to get things done, and to the very end of his life, he was one of Ukraine's most reliable champions in the Senate. In fact, he died the day after standing beside President Zelensky in Kyiv. He will deserve some praise for that …

Still, during his Senate tenure, South Carolina has routinely ranked among the nation's worst-performing states in education, healthcare, poverty, infant mortality, and overall quality-of-life indicators. Miss Lindsey, long rumored to be a deeply closeted homosexual, was also a staunch opponent of LGBTQ+ rights.

We have Lindsey Graham to thank for that.

But how do you weigh that against a man who saw Cankles for exactly what he was, spoke of him as a bigot and a racist and a kook, watched him denigrate his best friend, even in death, and then spent over a decade bowing and scraping to a racist, fascist, con artist, grifter, thief and sexual predator.

Bless his heart.

The Funny Papers

Tim Campbell, Dennis Goris, Michel de Adder, Jack Ohman, Nick Anderson, Adam Zyglis, Chris Britt,  Kevin Kallaugher, Bill Bramhall, Matt Davies, Kevin Necessary, Gary Huck, Mike Luckovich, Lalo Alcaraz, Max Espinoza,

The Funny Papers

Benjamin Slyngstad, Pedro X Molina, RJ Matson, Bill Bramhall, Michael de Adder, Max Espinoza, Gary Huck, Andres Edery, Adam Zyglis, Marc Murphy, Clay Bennett,

Bobservations

The other night, as Carlos was getting into bed,  I went into the bathroom and closed the door. My phone was charging on the counter so I quickly checked my messages but then dropped the phone on the counter. I thought nothing of it and went into the back part of the bathroom, sat down and was doing some business when, from the other side of the door:

“Did you call me?”

“Why would I call you?”

“My phone says you called me.”

“Can we discuss this when I’m finished in here?”

So, I finished and went to get into bed and I asked again:

“Why would I call you?”

“I thought you fell.”

“And so I reached up from the floor to the counter, took my phone and called you? Why wouldn’t I just shout, ‘I’ve fallen and I can get up?’”

“I thought maybe you were unconscious—”

“Unconscious but still able to stand, find the phone and call you but not shout your name or, I dunno, walk out of the room?”

“Go to bed.”

“Let me get my phone and call you …”

Laughter ensued.

This Tuxedo Says is from July 2021 …

Again, Tuxedo isn’t allowed to vote, but if he could, he clearly comes down on the other side of that party.

I cringe to think of what he might say if he saw that party and what they were doing today.

I saw a preview of a new film on TV and nearly died …

“Melanie” is an American … hold for laughter … political documentary film directed and produced by Brett Ratner that documents the First Hooker of the United States, in the twenty days before her rapist husband’s second presidential inauguration.

I don’t like the name … I like “From Whore House to White House” or “I Became a Millionaire Flat on My Back” or “I’m In The Files, Too” or “Sloppy Slovenian Hooker.”

What do you think it should be called?

Please remember that Turning Point USA was founded in 2012 by Charlie Kirk and Bill Montgomery with two major priorities: fighting COVID restrictions and gun control.

Montgomery died of COVID. Kirk was shot to death. Karma is real.

Little Marco Rubio and Pammy Pedophile Protector Bondi are saying that Maduro will stand trial in an American courtroom.

So, does that mean the US can prosecute foreign leaders even when it doesn’t hold its own president accountable for his crimes.

The hypocrisy is real … real stupid.

Everyone seems really surprised that Nicki Minaj has suddenly gone full MAGAt Cult Member but it happened just as she’s about to lose her $20,000,000 mansion and her husband needs a pardon.

She’s taking the grift route … sell your soul to save your life.

MAGAts cheered when businesses were told they could discriminate against people, but when a Hilton Hotel refuses to allow ICE a play to stay, the cult goes nuts.

Again, the hypocrisy is real … stupid.

And while we’re on stupid … here’s Cankles and his band of drunken traitors holding court during the attack on Venezuela. Note the black curtains … this was staged at Mar-Illegal where he wanted to look like Obama when bin Laden was killed but … Cankles phone is unplugged.

You cannot make this shiz up.

Matias Piana is a Miami-born model with Italian and Uruguayan roots who speaks English, Spanish, and Italian and so anyway you ask it: Would You Hit It? … ¿Lo golpearías? … Lo faresti?

Meme Dump