Bobservations

When Carlos was born one of his aunts gave Baby Carlos a ring, and he’s held onto it lo these many years and now he wants to know what it’s worth.

So we took it to a local jeweler who couldn’t tell us the kind of metal … maybe 14k gold … because in Mexico they don’t mark the metals. But he did tell us that the diamond in the ring is about 1/3 of a carat and worth a little more than $3,000 which was a surprise to him. On the way home Carlos said he might take the ring and make it into a nice cock ring and I said:

“Well, at least you won’t have to have it resized.”

His howler monkey screech stopped traffic.

PS This is the ring next to an actual nickel.

This Tuxedo Memory is from April 2020:

"Under lockdown, I grow bored, so I have been making a series of ‘Tuxedo Says’ posts for Facebook. He is gathering quite the following and so I thought I’d share some here."

That’s my boy.

On last week’s Graham Norton show, Demi Moore talked about her little dog, Pilaf, and how she takes him everywhere and he gets all the attention.

So much so that Dogue magazine—like Vogue but Dogue—asked to have Pilaf on the cover and here he is:

Gizmodo—a tech website—submitted a Freedom of Information Act [FOIA] request with the FTC for consumer complaints filed about The Felon’s Truth Social. People say they were signed up for mailing lists they never wanted to be on, but it’s the complaints about scams that are the most shocking, given the large sums of money involved.

One person says they lost $170,000 after initially being scammed on a different site and then meeting someone on Truth Social who claimed they could help get their money back. That turned out to be a scam as well. But more often, the victims are first contacted on Truth Social before being told to take the conversation somewhere else, like WhatsApp. Truth Social seems to be a target-rich environment for people who are easy to con.

Wait, y’all, you went on a site owned by a convicted felon and are now complaining you got scammed? Oh for the love of the Baby Cheeses, think, people, think!

Drew Stever, a transgender minister in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in California, is one of the few out transgender clergy members to be ordained by a Christian institution. Now a pastor at Hope Lutheran in Hollywood, Stever was recently featured on CBS Mornings' The State of Spirituality with Lisa Ling, using the opportunity to reflect on his journey:

"I grew up female and in the female context, and I just never felt like that worked for me. There were definitely times where [I thought], 'If I can't exist in one way, I don't want to exist at all. I would just be better off not alive.' [But] there was a moment where I woke up in the morning, and the words that came to my mind were, 'You don't have to be angry anymore.' It was almost like God just took a snowball and threw it at my face."

Always feeling a calling towards spiritual teachings, Stever attended seminary school, and ended up coming to terms with his identity during his time there. As he describes it, he went into seminary as a woman but came out "not a woman." And so to those who don't believe trans people have a place in Christianity, or that scripture denies the existence of trans people, Stever's response is:

"It's hard to relate [that] to modern day times, because it wasn't written for 2024. It was written for then. When we read in scripture that God created man and woman—yes, and God created everyone else as well."

To LGBTQ+ people who feel they've been rejected by the church, Stever would like to apologize:

"My first response is, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that the church missed you. I would say specifically to folks of color, to people living with disabilities, to LGBTQ people—you are good. Nothing is wrong with you. You are good and you don't need the church to tell you that."

It’s like I always say, God is love, and if you don’t believe in God, then maybe just Love is love.

Speaking of Good Christians, Dolly Parton partnered with several Sevier County attractions and Walmart to make a significant donation to Hurricane Helene flood relief.

Parton announced she was making a $1 million donation to the Mountain Ways Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to providing immediate assistance to Hurricane Helene flood victims. And, on top of that, Parton’s East Tennessee businesses, Dollywood Parks & Resorts, Dolly Parton’s Stampede, and Pirates Voyage Dinner & Show, and the Dollywood Foundation, matched her donation, bringing the total contributions made to Mountain Ways $2 million.

Of note, I have yet to hear of one of those megachurch pastors donating to victims of Helene … Osteen? Osteen? Anyone? So, if you choose to call yourself a Christian, be a Dolly Christian and not a Joel Christian.

I do not know what it is about bald men but I do find a great many of them to be scorchingly hot.

And now, speaking of Hurricane Helene, this past week 35 Republicans voted against FEMA funding and eight are up for reelection:

John Barrasso, Wisconsin.

Marsha Blackburn, Tennessee.

Kevin Cramer, North Dakota.

Ted Cruz, Texas.

Deb Fischer, Nebraska.

Josh Hawley, Missouri.

Rick Scott, Florida.

Roger Wicker, Mississippi.

VOTE.THEM.OUT.

Martiño Rivas López, AKA Martiño Rivas, AKA Martin Rivas, is a 39-year-old Spanish actor; so, Would You Hit It, and if so, under which name?

Snarky Thoughts

Recently, when a Kid Rock show ran late and was subsequently canceled due to extreme weather, his fans, or is it ‘fan,’  lost their, or his or her, minds, and demanded Kid Rock perform for them. When it became clear Kid Rock wouldn’t, they trashed the venue.

My Thought: I’d have trashed the place while he was performing just to get him to stop the caterwauling.

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Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lynn Affleck—imagine the day, coming soon I might think, that she has to change that name—are honeymooning stunting in Europe on a “Look! We Got Married” World Tour. But it doesn’t look as if Ben is having the time of his life when he was caught sleeping on the photo tour.

My Thought: Being Mr. JLo must be exhausting.

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Gwyneth Paltrow has been saying for years she doesn’t really miss acting—her last acting job was 2019’s The Politician—and because she thinks anyone cares, or misses a Paltrow Performance, she went on Sunday TODAY to remind Willie Geist, and anyone watching, that she still doesn’t miss the business “at all.” 

My Thought: She’s trying to remind people she’s an actress so some producer will hire her, while the world, and all of Hollywood think, ‘Yeah, we don’t miss you either.’

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Pat Benatar says she’s done performing Hit Me With Your Best Shot during her shows as her “small contribution to protesting” against gun violence. And while she says her fans are not happy with the decision, she’s doing it out of “deference to the victims of the families of these mass shootings.” Pat tells the fans who are pissed off about this to listen to the song at home, dammit.

My Thought: Maybe we should get Britney to stop singing [Hit Me] Baby One More Time. I mean, not because of any violent undertone, but because Britney can’t sing.

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Demi Moore has announced that she will never, ever again let a movie hairstylist take a pair of scissors to her hair for a role in a film. She says if the role requires short hair, get her a damned wig.

My Thought: Demi Moore is still acting? I thought show biz cut her off like they did Paltrow. And if she doesn’t want her hair going under the knife why does she keep letting surgeons do it to her face.

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I guess the newest thing among the self-entitled is to use a private jet to get around town. Kylie Jenner—and this isn’t saying much, but she’s The Dumb One™ in That Family™—does it, and now so does Drake. He has been using his private jet  to take a fourteen-minute trip from Toronto to Hamilton, Ontario Canada which costs some $3,000 in fuel and releases 4 tons of CO2 emissions into the air as opposed to making the drive which is about an hour.

My Thought: Sentence Drake and Kylie to work TSA at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport as punishment.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

A brief history …

Back in 1995, Pamela Anderson married Tommy Lee four days after they met; that marriage ended in 1998.

That same year, she became engaged to Swedish model, Marcus Schenkenberg, but they never reached the altar, and their relationship ended in 2001.

In 2006, Pammy married and divorced Kid Rock.

In  2007, she married producer Rick Salomon and then had the marriage annulled in 2008.

In 2013 or 2014, Pammy again married Salomon and then divorced him in 2015.

In 2020 Pammy “married” movie mogul Jon Peters and that union ended after twelve days. To be fair, it was not considered legal since they never finalized their marriage certificate.

And now she’s done it again … on Christmas Eve, Pammy married her bodyguard, Dan Hayhurst, marking her sixth marriage and fifth husband if you count Jon Peters–-which Pammy does not.

Two marriages in one year. That’s our Pammy.

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Alec Baldwin has quit Twitter and Twitter has heaved a huge sigh of relief. And all because Twitter came for his wife, the formerly Spanish-born and bred and raised Hilaria, er, Hillary, and that’s just not fair.

Alec said Twitter is like being a party where everyone is screaming and that it’s just not fun anymore.

Funny that, because it’s usually Alec doing the screaming … at people on the streets … at paparazzi … at his own child.

Bye Alec. But could you take Hilaria, er, Hillary with you?

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He is no longer a Husband-In-My-Head, but the Armie Hammer ickiness doesn’t seem to be ending,  and so here we are …

Hammer, who has claimed he’s ‘100% a cannibal’ in Instagram messages to women, has been accused by Paige Lorenze, a second ex-girlfriend of carving the letter ‘A’ into her skin of her nether region, and then licking the blood from the wound. Paige even shared a photo of her ‘A is for Armie’ scar, but I ain’t sharin’ that shiz.

But it’s even worse, according to Lorenze. She says Hammer is an out-of-control narcissistic sexual deviant who seemed fixated on biting her body, begging that she allow him to take lumps of flesh from her arm, before consuming them. She says Armie would tie her up, hit her with paddles and a series of painful sexual moves that left her covered in bruises.

Now, for Armie’s side, or at least his side as told through his lawyer:

“These assertions about Mr. Hammer are patently untrue. Any interactions with this person, or any partner of his, were completely consensual in that they were fully discussed, agreed upon, and mutually participatory, the stories being perpetuated in the media are a misguided attempt to present a one-sided narrative with the goal of tarnishing Mr. Hammer’s reputation, and communications from the individuals involved prove that.”

Huh. It doesn’t seem to say the story isn’t true, it just seems to say the rough sex, the mutilation and the blood drinking were consensual.

Sorry Armie, ain’t buying it.

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Oh Demi, what have you done now?

The 58-year-old former actress and model hit the runway as part of Fendi’s Spring-Summer 2021 collection during Fashion Week in Paris, France. She modeled a look from British designer Kim Jones, in his first ever Couture Collection for Fendi.

And it appears she unveiled a new face?

Now, to be fair, I cannot tell if it’s make-up, or maybe Botox,  spackle and fillers, or one of those Terry Gilliam's Brazil plastic surgeries, but 2020 Demi looks startling different than 2010 Demi.

Scary, even.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh Jussie. Former Empire actor, and Gay Boy Who Cried Wolf,  Jussie Smollett ALLEGEDLY had a sexual relationship with one of his ALLEGED ‘attackers,’ Ambimbola ‘Abel’ Osundairo.

Apparently, the couple, before Abel ‘bashed’ Jussie for some of his Empire coins, used to party together and go to a Chicago bathhouse to, um, well, bathe?

Oh Jussie, you don’t hire your sidepiece to ALLEGEDLY beat you up for sympathy press and a bigger contract for a TV show. Everybody knows that.

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This doesn’t look odd at all … Bruce Willis is self-isolating with ex-wife Demi Moore, and his three oldest children and their boyfriends and Demi’s assistant rather than self-isolate with his current wife, Emma Hemming, and their two young children. A source—Demi, no doubt because, seriously, what else does she have to do—says:

“Demi and Emma are close, and all three get on great as a big blended family. There are no issues at all. Emma needed to stay in L.A. with the young kids.”

Emma had to stay in LA while Bruce chose to stay with Demi? Uh huh; look, maybe it is all kumbaya in the Willis-Moore-Hemming household, but still  Bruce chose to self-isolate with his grown kids and not his younger ones?

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Some JLo juice? Okay … for whatever reason, Jose Canseco is still trying to convince the world that Alex Rodriquez is a cheating on JLo.

It all began last year, when Jose was watching World of Dance and Lopez, who at the time was newly engaged to A-Rod, and this annoyed Jose who claimed A-Rod was having an affair with his ex-wife Jessica Canseco—which Jessica has denied. Sadly, no one cared about Jose’s claims, but that hasn’t stopped him.

So, since no one cares—and let’s be clear, this will be another notch on JLo’s headboard and she be divorced from A-rod … if they ever marry … quicker than you can say How many times have you been married?—Canseco took to Twitter to wish:

“Happy Easter to everyone except Alex Rodriguez.”

Ooooh, burn. I love grown-assed men acting like thirteen-year-old girls. But then Jose followed that up with a message directed at JLo herself:

“Jennifer Lopez I have something to show you for your eyes only you will not regret it please contact Morgan at 702 374 3735”

Okay, first things first, who the fuck is Morgan? And how many Twit-heads tried calling him or her? And lastly, what the fuck is wrong with Jose Canseco? Did the steroids cause him to turn into a mean girl?

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It looks like one Anna Wintour won’t make Ricky Gervais’ Naughty List because Anna wants y’all to know that she has taken a pay cut during the pandemic.

Conde Nast, publisher of numerous magazines including Vogue, decided to tackle the COVID-19 situation with pay cuts and reduced work hours. CEO Roger Lynch is taking a 50% pay cut in an attempt to keep the company afloat, and a “temporary” pay cut will affect 10 to 20 percent of employees, but only those making $100,000 a year or more. It will go into effect May 1st.

Wintour—who ALLEGEDLY rakes in about $2 million a year—and I thought it’d be more—is included in the temporary pay cut group and will see her salary will be decreased by 20%.

Yes, people, Anna will have to make do on $1.6 million. I am starting a GoFundMe at once.

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Blac Chyna. Gurl. Did you learn nothing from Tori Spelling trying to use the pandemic to make people pay her to be on social media with them? Or, are you just that stupid?

Rhetorical question. You see, Chyna is selling FaceTime calls for $950 and social media follow backs for $250.

I wouldn’t pay this talentless miscreant social media whore 2 bucks to follow me home with my groceries, but it is funny to think that Chyna thinks she’s worth $950 on social media and Tori wanted just $95.

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After learning how hard Sam Smith has it in their London mansion, or how Justin Timberlake is struggling to raise ONE kid in the middle of a gated luxury community in Montana, or how Ellen feels like she’s living Orange Is The New Black But This Time In A Montecito Mansion … now we have Justin Bieber, and his streetwear model  wife, Hailey Baldwin, along with their BFF, Kendall Jenner, in an Instagram livestream talking about how important it is to acknowledge their privilege during these trying times.

Hailey hovers in the background making duck faces while Justin lets everyone know how blessed and rich they are, and they shouldn’t feel bad for it since they “worked” hard for it. Yes, while millions are out of work, and millions more have no healthcare, and thousands upon thousands are dying each and every day,  Justin and Hailey sit in their mansion and spew shiz like:

“How blessed are we to be able to like… a lot of people obviously in this time have a crappy situation. You know, they look at us and obviously, we’ve worked hard for where we’re at, so it’s like, you can’t feel bad for the things we have.”

At which point Kendall chimes in:

“[We’re] so blessed. I think about it all the time.”

Cut to the chase: this is what celebrities look and sound like when they get no attention. And to sit in your mansion and talk about how lucky you are because you worked so hard seems to imply that anyone without a mansion and servants and privilege doesn’t work hard at all.

The greatest payback would be for people to remember how these asshats acted, and when all this is over, stop buying their idiotic music or watching their stupid shows or, and this will kill these media whores, stop following and liking and sharing.

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It's Snarkurday!

You can’t keep a cougar down … Rumer, er, rumor has it that 55-year-old Demi Moore, who never met a young man she didn’t have to have, is shacking up with 25-year-old Nick Jonas.

It’s all on the DL, and the two meet at her friend’s downtown LA loft for their good times. Angeles loft because, for now, Demi doesn’t want y’all to know. But, ALLEGEDLY, it was Demi’s 29-year-old daughter, Rumer, who told Mama Cougar she had another younger man for her, according to a source, most likely Rumer herself:

“Rumer knows Demi is attracted to younger guys, and she figured that since Nick is single and has experience with older women, he’d be up for a love connection. They hit it off — and now Demi and Nick are hooking up.”

Demi was married to 16-years-younger Ashton Kutcher before he left her for the fat younger Mila Kunis; then she hooked up with 31-year-old rocker Sean Friday, 36-year-old Pink Taco owner Harry Morton—who also dated Demi’s daughter Rumer, and 31-year-old art dealer Vito Schnabel.

Nick is Demi’s youngest, so far, because her next boyfriend just graduated from seventh grade.

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Last year, two songwriters, Sean Hall and Nathan Butler, sued Taylor Swift for ALLEGEDLY ripping off the lyrics to “Shake It Off” from the 2001 3LW hit “Playas Gon’ Play.” Taylor, who loves to sue, but hates getting sued, tried to get a judge to throw the lawsuit out.

The two men say Taylor’s chorus of “Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate” was suspiciously similar to the chorus they wrote, “Playas they gonna play, and haters they gonna hate” and they wanted credit … coins … for their work.

And again, TayTay, who loves to earn her coins from suing over intellectual property is not in the mood to play play play … and her lawyers are arguing that the phrases “Players, they gonna play” and “Haters, they gonna hate” are too short to get legal protection on, and therefor they don’t belong to anybody.

Unless, you know, TayTay says she wrote them.

Swifty’s lawyers also argue that Sean and Nathan can’t monopolize the ideas of players playing and haters hating because there is only one person in the music industry capable of attempting to monopolize the act of hating, and that’s Taylor Swift.

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Paris Hilton recently got engaged to Leftovers actor Chris Zylka who ALLEGEDLY proposed with a $2 million ring.

Clearly, Paris is the one with the coins in this pairing so clearly she bought the ring, gave it to him for the proposal, and then flashed it all over social media.

But if you remember that Paris was once besties with Lindsay Lohan, who has a penchant for thievery, especially, of jewelry, it seems only fitting that Hilton has hired 24-7 security to guard her ring.

Hasn’t she heard of a safe? Doesn’t she know that Lohan is out of the country? Why didn’t she just let her fiancé buy the ring, and then, if it was stolen, you’d just have to shell out another $199 to Zale’s?

Just sayin’.

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Last week the women, and men, to be fair, wore black in solidarity of women and the sexual abuse they face, the discrimination they face, and the pay inequity they face, not just in Hollywood but everywhere.

Still this is Snark, so we’ll deal with Hollywood, and Ridley Scot’s film All the Money in the World. You’ll remember it co-starred Kevin Spacey until we learned what a creeper he was to young boys. Then Ridley cut Spacey from the film and replaced him with Christopher Plummer trouble was, the film was finished, so Scott asked some of the films co-stars, Nark Wahlberg and Michelle Williams, to come back and reshoot some of their scenes with Plummer.

And of course they’d get paid for their work … and therein lies the rub.

Rumor has it that while both are equally billed in film—even though Williams is getting raves and Wahlberg is not—and both returned to film for the same number of days—Mark Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million while Michelle Williams was given a check for … wait for it, it should really piss you off … about $80 per day, for a total of about $1,000.

Even worse, none of the other actors brought back in were paid, and even Ridley Scott, the director, wasn’t paid. But Wahlberg’s team of lawyers and agents and accounts negotiated that hefty fee.

Women in Hollywood might be wearing black every day especially given that Williams and Wahlberg are represented by the same agency and that agency worked a huge payout for their male client and basically no deal for their female client.

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The New York Times recently published an op-ed entitled “Publicly, We Say #MeToo. Privately, We Have Misgivings” written by Daphne Merkin, who feels that #MeToo will lead to the end of flirting.

Right?

In France, the movement is cause for great concern because many … many women … think flirting is life …and maybe flirting is coming out of your hotel bathroom naked and asking your employee for a handy … I guess.

A collective of about 100 French women signed an open letter published in Le Monde rejecting what it sees as a new puritanism in the wake of the sexual harassment and assault scandals:

“Rape is a crime. Insistently or awkwardly hitting on someone is not.”

And there were many women of note who signed on to this nonsense, like doctors and lawyers, female politicians, even Catherine Deneuve.

Um, ladies, no one is saying that flirting is out, but they’re saying that asking for a rubdown, exposing yourself, groping a woman, touching a woman, without her consent is no longer happening.

There’s a difference between a simple bit of flirtation and whipping your dick out and asking an employee to suck it.

Last time I checked that wasn’t flirting.

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Hugh Grant is going to be a dad for the fifth time at 57-years-old. This will be his third child with 35-year-old girlfriend Anna Eberstein; they already have a two-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, but this is where it gets itchy …

Hugh had a “fleeting affair” with Tinglan Hong which resulted in a child being born in 2011; Hugh and Tinglan didn’t pan out and so then he met Anna and they had their first child in 2012.

Then Hugh and Tinglan got back together for the second half of their fleeting affair in 2013 and they had another child.

But, alas, that was over, and Hugh went back to Anna and they had a child together in 2015.

Now in 2018, he and Anna again are going to be parents.

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Disney always knows how to make coins. They make a feature length cartoon and make billions from that and then turn it into a Broadway show and then a live action film; they bag tons of money for the same project.

But Disney needs to learn a very simple lesson: blackface is over.

So far, Disney and Guy Ritchie are making a live-action version of Aladdin and took some heat for casting a non-Arab Princess Jasmine and then adding a new random white character to, you know, get white people in the seats. But this is too much …

There are accusations that Disney is making up extras to look more brown. The accusations come from a background actor named Kaushal Odedra who says when he arrived on-set he noticed an awful lot of white background actors. And then, a few hours later, those same white actors were suddenly brown:

“Aladdin was the perfect time to show diversity but also be accurate. They’re being out of touch with what’s going on around them.”

But Disney has an excuse … and it’s just about the lamest nonsensical POS I have ever heard:

“Great care was taken to put together one of the largest, most diverse casts ever seen on screen. Diversity of our cast and background performers was a requirement and only in a handful of instances when it was a matter of specialty skills, safety and control (special effects rigs, stunt performers and handling of animals) were crew made up to blend in.”

Oh, so they admit to using brown people as extras but when it comes to crew and animal handlers and the like, only white folks were available?

Try again Disney. When you making a film set in the Middle East about Middle Eastern people, why not, oh I don’t know, cast Middle Eastern actors in the parts. Except then the fear is that white people wouldn’t see the film and so there’s be fewer coins to be had.

Shame on you, Mouse House.

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Tonya Harding Is back y’all, and why we’re suddenly celebrating this criminal is beyond me.

But she’s the topic of a new film and so she’s being interviewed by everyone everywhere, though maybe some aren’t thrilled by the idea.

Like Piers Morgan of Good Morning Britain who wasn’t afraid to remind everyone that it’s really Nancy “WHYYYYYYYYY” Kerrigan who is the victim.

Piers kept trying to get Tonya to admit she was involved in the 1994 pipe attack on Nancy. Tonya’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly said she knew all along of the conspiracy to take down Nancy and even Tonya said in her 2008 autobiography that she wanted to tell authorities about the pending assault but didn’t because Jeff threatened her life.

Still, Piers was having none of it:

“Maybe it suits you to play the victim. But I think the victim in all this wasn’t you. It was Nancy Kerrigan who had her Olympic dream shattered.”

But Tonya is delusional and has been playing the victim card for decades, so she will never admit that she planned it, knew about it, and wanted it done.

Girl, bye.

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We haven’t heard from Kanye in a while, not that I’m complaining, but here he is again, going after people for their fashion sense, even if he’s married to the perpetrator.

Apparently, Kim Kardastrophe revealed that she received an email from her husband … they don’t actually speak? … in which he put her on blast for her sunglasses:

“[Kanye] sent me a whole email like, ‘You cannot wear big glasses anymore. It’s all about tiny little glasses.’”

And instantly she was in tiny glasses because, you know, what Kanye says ….

Clearly, because now all the Kardastrophes are wearing tiny glasses like the Tiny Man ordered.

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