Bobservations

Howsabout a few quickies … this morning I walked into the kitchen and Consuelo and Rosita were eating breakfast in the same room and at the same time for the first time. I smiled, looked at them  and said:

“Morning ladies.”

I smiled, looked at Carlos and said:

“Morning lady.”

He growled back.

Last week he had a translation at the Lancaster Detention Center, so off we went. When the attorney arrived he and Carlos were buzzed inside while I waited in the lobby, and because I live for the funny, I said:

“See you in ten to twenty.”

He growled back.

Lastly, one night this week, while he was practicing his trumpet and I was reading, Rosita, for the first time, crawled into my lap and fell asleep. Carlos finished his practice, walked into the living and saw Rosita asleep and said:

“She sleeps in your lap? She goes back tomorrow.”

Then he growled and went into the kitchen.

This week’s Tuxedo Repost is from February 13, 2010

“SNOWville, Day 2 =)

I know we didn't have SNOWmageddon or a SNOWpocalypse, but this is big news for Smallville, er, SNOWville, as we usually get a one-day dusting of snow each year. Of course, everything came to a standstill; schools and businesses closed before the snow even fell, but it sure makes the town, and our house, look pretty.

Tuxedo's first experience with snow and, well, I'm not sure he likes it.”

This is my favorite picture of Tuxedo—okay, one of my favorites—because of the look on his face.

I miss that punim.

Thing 45-appointed Judge Thomas Parker of the US District Court for the Western District of Tennessee has declared that state's anti-drag Adult Entertainment Act is unconstitutional, saying:

“If Tennessee wishes to exercise its police power in restricting speech it considers obscene, it must do so within the constraints and framework of the United States Constitution.”

Let the drag resume …

I know it’s a Photoshopped image, but nevertheless it begs the question: exactly when did Jon Bon Jovi become Bea Arthur?

Out there in Salt Lake City of all places, copies of the King James Bible are being removed from school library shelves at elementary and junior high facilities in Davis County after a complaint that the scriptures feature material inappropriate—such as murder, sex, and incest—for children.

While I am no fan of banning books, what’s good for the goose …

On the LGBTQ+ friendly front, consulting firm Deloitte will donate $1 million to The Trevor Project, a LGBTQ+ mental-health nonprofit that supports youth in the community in times of crisis.

The donation will be distributed over the next two years and will fund the Trevor Project’s crisis counseling services, a web-based chat and a text-supported phone line, among other resources, and comes at a time of increased anti-LGBTQ+ legislative actions as well as right-wing pushback against acts of support for the LGBTQ+ community by corporate America.

So, Deloitte gets a huge Heyyyyy.

Elon Musk recently said Twitter’s advertising business was on the upswing but, um, yeah, liar gonna lie. It seems Twitter’s US advertising revenue from April 1 to May 1 was $88 million, or 59%, from a year ago.

Oh, I feel so bad for Elon.

So, with Thing 45, Ron DeSaster and Joe Biden all running for president let’s take a look at the messages their wives have sent with their fashion.

The always illiterate Melanie …

Casey DeSaster, whom Twitter has taken to calling either #TackieO due to her love for capes and opera gloves, or, my favorite, #WalmartMelania.

Jill Biden, with the simplest, yet most profound message.

This is Parker Gregory, fashion model and fitness expert. So, once again we ask the question: Would You Hit It?

Bea Gives Back

I posted something about this before, about how the Ali Forney Center, a center dedicated to helping homeless LGBT youth, planned to purchase a building to house 12 youths and name it honor of Bea Arthur because of her commitment and dedication to LGBT causes.

Well, now comes word that Bea Arthur has left $300,000.00 to the Ali Forney Center.

In a statement, they said: .

“We work with hundreds of young people who are rejected by their families because of who they are. We are overwhelmed with gratitude that Bea saw that LGBT youth deserve as much love and support as any other young person, and that she placed so much value in the work we do to protect them, and to help them rebuild their lives.”

Right On, Bea!

Right On, Maude

The Ali Forney Center in New york City, the nation's largest organization dedicated to homeless LGBT youth, is going to name a residence for LGBT youth in honor of the late Bea Arthur at her memorial service on September 14th at the Majestic Theater.

Right on.

Carl Siciliano, AFC Founder and Executive Director: "Bea Arthur was tremendously kind and generous to the Ali Forney Center. The caring and concern that Bea expressed for our kids meant the world to us, and we are thrilled to be able to give honor to her memory in this way."

Back in 2005, Bea Arthur gave a special benefit performance of her one-woman show that raised over $40,000 for the Ali Forney Center. She said, "I'm very, very involved in charities involving youth and the plight of foster children. But these kids at the Ali Forney Center are literally dumped by their families because of the fact that they are lesbian, gay, or transgender--this organization really is saving lives."

Thank you for being a friend to the LGBT community.

Friday Music

For Carlos

And for Bea. Who is maybe actually singing with the Man in the Moon now.

We'll Miss You Old Friend

Bea Arthur died today.

Bea Arthur.

God, I loved her. As Maude. As Dorothy. As Vera Charles. As Bea Arthur.

She was, what my grandmother would call, a pistol. She was her own woman, funny as hell, smart as a whip, with a voice that could carve grooves into granite.

But she went peacefully, and that's good; surrounded by her family, and that's good, too.

Carlos and I had the pleasure of seeing her one-woman show in Ft Lauderdale a few years back and she was fantastic. Funny, self-deprecating; singing, laughing, sharing recipes. She was a true gem.

A true Golden Girl.

As Maude she spoke for a generation of women who'd never before has a voice.

I admired her.

As Dorothy she was mother and child, and piss and vinegar and sweetness and light.

I adored her.

As Vera Charles she was the best Bosom Buddie a gal, or gay man, could have.

She was spectacular.

And she's with Sophia now, threatening with Shady Pines.

Bea Arthur was born Bernice Frankel in New York City, and by age 12 she was five-feet-nine, and not quite the petite blond ingenue she dreamed of being. But she took advantage of her height and that voice; she played the male roles in the school plays.

She moved to new York and began working in theatre and that lead to television and Maude and Dorothy and great great memories. She was in the original company of Fiddler On The Roof and, of course, Mame, opposite Angela Lansbury. She took home the Tony for her portrayal of Vera Charles. But she might best be known as Maude and Dorothy, women who said it like it was, took no prisoners and damned the torpedoes. I wanted to be Dorothy and Maude and Vera. I wanted to speak my mind and cut through the crap with a quip and a one-liner.

So, in tribute to Bea, I'd like to tell a story she told in her one-woman show. I'll paraphrase because I don't know it verbatim, but you'll get the gist:

A woman is invited by her son John to visit him in New York and she makes the trip. She finds her handsome son living with an equally handsome man named Michael. She spends a week with them and watches how Michael and John interact and she wonders about their relationship. One day she decides to ask John and he cuts her off, saying Michael is a roommate and nothing more. She leaves it at that and heads home.

A week later she gets a letter from John. He says:

"Dear Mom,

We haven't been able to find the silver gravy ladle that we used when you were here. Now, I'm not saying you took the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you didn't take the gravy ladle. All I'm saying is that we haven't seen it since you left.

Love John"

A week later John received the following reply.

"Dear John,

I'm not saying that you and Michael are lovers, and I'm not saying that you aren't lovers. All I'm saying is that if Michael had been sleeping in his own bed you would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love Mom"

Rest well Bea, and travel in peace. You left us with thoughts and joy and laughter. What a remarkable gift you were, and are, and will forever be.

Songs In The Key Of Bob

I am here to admit my shame. To get a few things off my chest. To reveal the sordid truth.
Yeah. Right.
So, I told the story about the leaky refrigerator. And how we called the home warranty people and they were sending out a refrigeration man. Then Carlos said he thought it was a plumbing issue. And how I cracked wise about his ass crack.
Turns out it is a plumbing issue.
Carlos will be doing his sashay-shantay down the hallway when he reads this.
He so loves to be right.
Whatever.
______________________________

Is it me, or was Whitney Houston high at the Grammys? I mean, she certainly seemed a bit off....not in the Crack-Is-Whack way of that Diane Sawyer interview, but in that I-don't-what-in-the-hell-I'm-doing-here way.
______________________________

I saw Joan Rivers on The View.
She cracks me up.
She says that because of the Botox, Bea Arthur's bowels move more often than Cher's face.
Of course, Joan should talk.
Her face is stretched tighter than a Mariah Carey mini-dress.
______________________________

Once, when I lived in California, we used to hang out at this bar. And one of the cocktail waitresses became quite friendly with our group.
Then one day I was surprised to learn that Cocktail Waitress and Husband had moved into the apartment above mine. We chatted every so often and, of course, she still brought me my round of Kamikaze's that I so enjoyed; I say enjoyed, because once you puke Kamikaze, you can't go back.
At least I can't.
Anyway. One morning I was walking to my car and I saw Cocktail Waitress in the parking lot with Husband. I hadn't met him yet, so we stopped for a minute. Husband was carrying a huge ceramic pot when Cocktail Waitress introduced us.
Me. Socially inept back then......heck, socially inept today....offered my hand for a handshake.
Husband was still carrying the huuuuuuuuge pot.
I stick out my hand.
He sticks out his finger,
I shake it.
It still mortifies me to this day.
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I used to tend bar in California and we had all sorts of regulars, and Vicki used to work with me. We had so much fun getting all the regulars laughing and telling stories; it was a fun job.
One night, during our storytelling, Vicki offered up the take of her then-husband, who worked at a local saw mill. He came home from work one night and told her about a man who was killed on the job when a band saw slipped.
Did it decapitate him? someone asked.
Nope. Vicki said firmly. Took his head right off.
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I was once stopped for speeding while driving down I-5 in California.
If you've been there, you know that I-5 is one long-assed boring stretch of road from Mexico to Canada. My friend Kim and I were on our way to an Amnesty International concert at the Coliseum in LA.
So, I'm driving along 5--it was a four-hundred-plus mile trip from my house to LA--and I'm about 250 miles from LA, cruising along at about ninety.
The speed limit was Sixty-five.
Red lights.
Red face.
Pull over.
Helicopter caught you doing nine-zero. CHP say.
Wow. I say. So intelligent.
Yeah. What's the hurry.
I need to be in LA in fifteen minutes. Mind you, it's 250 miles away.
Looks like you won't make it.
Depends on how long this takes.
I'm lucky he had a sense of humor. Those orange jumpsuits don't look good on me.
____________________________

Once I was working in a bar, and this friend of mine, Dave, worked with me. We had a friend, Maria, who was, well, what you might politely call high-maintenance.
Seriously high. She weighted in at right around one-hundred pound sand called herself fat. I have shoes that weigh more than she did.
One night she was complaining about how she had popped a zipper in her pants.
How did you do that? I asked innocently.
Because I'm FAT. She said. I'm fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat!!!!
I walk away from the tirade.
An older couple is sitting at the bar as I pass by.
What's all that shouting down there? The old woman asks.
Before I could answer, the little old man said,
I don't know, but that fat girl is having a fit.