Ain't That America XXXIV

What a week … the Bad News is that Cankles five-day war is not in its eighth day and he announced it may actually lasty four months longer before saying he has no idea when it will end. The Good News is that Democrats won several elections last week and Border Barbie was kicked to the curbed .

Now do Pam Bondi!

The DOJ posted FBI interviews with a woman who alleged Cankles sexually assaulted her when she was a teenager after being introduced to him by Jeffrey Epstein. She says that Cankles hit her after she bit his, as Stormy called it, tiny orange mushroom dick when he attempted to force her to perform oral sex.

The President is a rapist and a pedophile. Don’t let it be forgotten.

 

Markwayne Mullin, the new Border Barbie, has an incredible list of qualifications:

His highest undergrad degree is Associate in Construction Technology; he has no law degree; he has no law degree; he has no law enforcement background; he has no National Security experience; he has no security, intelligence or emergency management skills

As I saw on Facebook, how can we expect him to secure the border when he cannot even secure the border between his two first names? And will he have to continue the Secretary’s extra-marital affair with Corey Kewandoski?

PS Please don’t suggest he was named after his two dads because that makes him crazy!

 

The FBI, Homeland Security, and the National Counterterrorism Center prepared a joint intelligence statement to state and local authorities alerting them of a heightened threat due to the illegal war in Iran but after Homeland Security gave the White House a heads-up about the statement before it was set to be released top regime officials ordered it placed on ‘hold’. 

Let that sink in.

 

The House of Representatives killed an effort to rein in Cankles’ illegal war in Iran after voting 219 to 212 to kill a War Powers Act resolution introduced by GOP Representative Thomas Massie and Democrat Representative Ro Khanna.

Four Democrats— Representatives Jared Golden, Henry Cuellar, Greg Landsman and Juan Vargas—voted with the GOP while one other Republican, Warren Davidson, joined Massie, in voting for it. Those four Democrats need to be voted from office in November.

 

Speaking of the illegal war in Iran, the Little Johnson declared the US is not at war even though the Draft Dodger In Chief and DUI Pete say we are at war.

Perhaps Little Johnson had his entire head shoved up Cankles’ ass and not just his lips on the rim.

 

Cankles is not at all concerned about rising US gas prices driven by the illegal war in Iran:

“I don’t have any concern about it. They’ll drop very rapidly when this is over, and if they rise, they rise, but this is far more important than having gasoline prices go up a little bit.”

Once again the rotting fetid corpse in chief says he doesn’t care about the American people and affordability.

 

Cankles also claimed the illegal war with Iran was necessary because that country was two weeks away from having nuclear weapons:

“If we didn’t hit within two weeks, they would’ve had a nuclear weapon. When crazy people have nuclear weapons, bad things happen.”

But remember in June 2025 when Cankles claimed that US and Israeli military actions—"Operation Midnight Hammer"—has "obliterated" Iran's nuclear facilities, air force, and missile industry.

Huh, and then nine months later it was on the verge of creating nuclear weapons.

Someone needs to explain “obliterated” to the dimwit.

 

Just days before Cankles launched an illegal war with Iran, FBI Director Kash Patel fired a dozen agents and staff members from a counterintelligence unit tasked with monitoring threats from Iran because each one was involved in the investigation of Cankles’ stealing classified documents after his first term in office and taking them to Mar-illegal.

That’s the FBI under Patel.

As for the upside …

The regime seems to have abandoned its attempts to impose potentially crippling executive orders against law firms that refused to capitulate to Cankles, walking away from its appeal of victories the firms had won against the White House.

DOJ lawyers told the US Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia that they were no longer interested in pursuing the cases and were voluntarily asking the court to dismiss them.

Later, Cankles appeared to have changed his mind, however, because, well, Epstein.

 

Texas state Representative, and Democrat, James Talarico won the state’s primary to become the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate in an effort to flip Texas Blue.

 

Democrat Alex Holladay won a Republican-held seat in the Arkansas state House last week marking the ninth time Democrats have flipped a district from red to blue in a special election since the start of Cankles’ second term.

 

The matchup is set in North Carolina’s crucial Senate race, with Democratic former Governor Roy Cooper and former Republican National Committee chair Michael Whatley winning their primaries.

Democrats are confident that Cooper will be a formidable candidate after he won races for governor in 2016 and 2020 even as Cankles carried the state.

 

The DOJ, after Cankles ordered an investigation into whether former President Biden broke the law in using the autopen to sign presidential documents, has announced they are unable to build a criminal case out of this bull shiz.

Go figure.

 

In a defeat for the Cankles Regime  a federal judge in New York ruled that companies that paid tariffs struck down last month by Supreme Court are due refunds.

The federal government collected more than $130 billion in the now-defunct tariffs through mid-December and could ultimately be on the hook for refunds worth $175 billion.

 

Virginia’s legislature has passed a bill prohibiting schools from teaching what it considers to be lies about the January 6, 2021, Capitol riot. Schools must “not describe, portray, or present as credible a description or portrayal of the actions precipitating or involved in the events of the January 6, 2021, insurrection as peaceful protest” and may not “state, suggest, or present as credible a statement or suggestion that there was extensive election fraud that could have changed or actually changed the results of the 2020 presidential election.”

The president is a liar, is basically what they’re saying … cuz it’s true.

Cankles was at Dover Air Force Base Saturday for the dignified transfer of the six United States service members killed in Kuwait, and … well, once again, he proved that he cannot handle himself like a decent human being.

As others bowed their heads, he did not; and he wore a white USA baseball cap that he did not take off during the ceremony.

In the photo above, he appears to be playing with his buttons while Melanie is looking for the car because Saks is having a sale, and JD dreams of an evening with Velvet Settee.

This is what passes for honoring our fallen troops killed in an illegal war because the president is a child rapist and a con artist.

What, oh what, can we do …

Ain't That America XXXII

Another week down, with a hit of good news from SCOTUS for a change which spurred a lie-filled rage speech from Cankles about the “Democratic SCOTUS;” poor delusional old man. And of course the State of the Union speech is Tuesday and the Democrats, many of them at least, may not show up, going instead to a rally on the National Mall.

I am not in favor. I think they should show up, and say and do nothing, other than perhaps raising small signs that could say anything from “Release the Files” to “Say Their Names,” or perhaps show photos of the victims demanding accountability from the regime.

That would rattle Cankles and send him off-script into an insane rage-a-thon, which I won’t be watching because I can neither look at his decaying personage nor listen to his ignorant voice.

That said …

Pope Leo has rejected Cankles’ invitation to “America 250” Festivities in Washington DC because he wants to spend the day with migrants instead.

That’s all.

 

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent claimed that in spite of the Supreme Court’s decision to block Cankles’ illegal tariffs the regime would initiate new tariffs imposed under other statutes ensuring the revenue grift remains unchanged. He also said Americans who paid for the tariffs through higher prices will never see a rebate of that money.

Grifters gonna grift.

 

At DHS new Secret Service protective detail agents are getting  a wardrobe upgrade courtesy of taxpayers because adulterous dog-killer Kristi Noem doesn’t like the suits they bought for themselves.

So We The People will buy them new clothes cuz … grifters gonna grift.

 

Nationalist Christian, or Nat-C as I think of him,  Speaker Mike Johnson has denied a request by Reverend Jesse Jackson’s family to his body lie in honor in the Capitol.

The Little Johnson says the practice is reserved for former presidents and select former government officials and military honorees but the honor was given to Reverend Billy Graham in 2018.

But not Jackson; that sounds about white coming from Nat-C Johnson.

 

Butler, Ohio Mayor, and a Republican,  Wesley Dingus is facing two counts of voyeurism after he was allegedly caught on camera sniffing a teen girl’s underwear.

The party of pedophiles.

 

Oh, and the husband of Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer has been barred from the department’s headquarters after at least two female staff members told officials that he had sexually assaulted them.

The party of sexual predators.

 

A large banner featuring Cankles’ bloated face was hung on the exterior of Justice Department headquarters.

They’re putting up pedophile’s pictures at the DOJ cuz, you know, the party of pedophiles.

 

Roughly 80% of career leadership at the ICEstapo  has been fired or demoted under DogKiller Kristi Noem’s tenure as she and her lover, Corey Lewandowski have targeted employees for allegedly talking to the press.

 

The Republican Party of Eau Claire County headquarters in Altoona was vandalized overnight when the windows were spray-painted with the phrase ‘pedophile protectors,’ and around a dozen eggs were thrown onto the building.

Truth in advertising.

 

The FBI formally notified the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension [BCA] that it will not provide them with access to any information or evidence that it has collected in the January 24 ICEstapo murder of Alex Pretti.

Coverup.

In February 2026, a rumor spread that Bo French, a GOP candidate for the Texas Railroad Commission, which regulates oil and gas, wanted to deport Native Americans. Several social media posts made the claim, including on Facebook, where one user said French had called for the deportation of “third world savages” including Native Americans. French says it never happened but here’s a direct quote from his X account:

“Since we are going to denaturalize and deport all the third world savages who hate our country, I am calling for adding these third world savages, who we conquered, then bizarrely let have a nation inside our nation, to the list. “

We let native peoples have a nation in our nation? Or did we steal their nation to create our own, give them a few crumbs of land and then take it back.

Look in a mirror, Bo; that’s the enemy.

And what do we do with the enemy

The UNFunny Papers

Gary Taxall, Robert Unell, Jonathan Brown, Rick McKee, Michael de Adder, Max Espinoza, Bill Bramhall, Nick Anderson, Clay Bennett, Jon Ostrove, Ann Telnaes, Lalo Alcaraz

Ain't That America XVIII

Oh yes, another week of fascism and racism and criminal activity, but with bright spots of judges stepping up and FBI employees standing down, with a little rant from The Dumb One, Eric … Let’s dish …

That’s Lindsey Halligan, Cankles’ handpicked attorney, whom he met on a golf course, going after James Comey.

Her resume is unique … she’s a beauty contest winner and an insurance attorney who has never prosecuted a single case.

No skills, other than the ability to kiss orange ass.

Koncentration Kamp Kristi DogKilling Cosplaying Noem has said the ICEstapo will be “all over that place. We are going to enforce the law. You shouldn’t be coming to the Super Bowl unless you are a law-abiding American citizen.”

That means Cankles cannot attend.

In 2019 Cankles pledged to boost HIV spending, with the goal of ending the epidemic before 2030, and last year this federal initiative, Ending the HIV Epidemic, demonstrated progress.

Now the GOP wants deep cuts to HIV prevention and treatment funding, with Cankles’ proposed 2026 budget eliminating the CDC’s HIV-prevention division and seeking nearly $2 billion in HIV-related cuts in their federal health spending bill that would increase the total number of new HIV cases by more than 213,300 and the number of HIV-related deaths by over 10,600.

As they said back in the 80s, at least it’s killing all the right people.

KaroLying Leavitt trying to spin the Mormon shooter as a faith hating liberal, and making no mention that the shooter once wore a “Make Liberals Cry Again” Trump 2020 campaign shirt, that he had a Trump/Pence campaign sign on his fence, or that he and his family attended pro-Trump and QAnon/anti-vax demonstrations.

When her lips are moving, she’s either on her needs as Cankles’ Beck-and-Call-Girl or she’s lying.

Speaker Little Mike Johnson is not inclined to bring the House back into session until the Senate passes the House’s continuing resolution and so he has canceled the House session for next week:

“The House will come back into session and do its work as soon as Chuck Schumer allows us to reopen the government.”

Congress is in the hands of the GOP; the Senate is in the hands of the GOP; the White House is in the hands of the GOP; SCOTUS is in the hands of the GOP. And Little Mike Johnson wants you to believe the shutdown is the Democrats fault.

White House Press Secretary KaroLying Leavitt said Cankles is exploring plans to cut federal funding to “war torn” Portland due to what she said was a rise in “Antifa” related incidents. KaroLying is so stupid she doesn’t realize Antifa is not a group, but rather a political philosophy or movement; an anti-fascist movement.

Also she seems unaware that Portland is also home to a great many Republican voters who wonder why they’re being attacked by a bloated gasbag.

The Cankles Regime is preparing a plan that will make it harder for older Americans to qualify for Social Security disability payments, part of an overhaul of the federal safety net for poor, older and disabled people that could result in hundreds of thousands of people losing benefits.

But hey, as long as the rich get richer and we win the wars in Portland and Chicago; priorities.

On Saturday Judge Karin Immergut of the U.S. District Court in Oregon blocked Cankles from using Oregon National Guard soldiers in response to nightly protests at an Immigration and Customs Enforcement building in Portland and issued a temporary restraining order blocking the mobilization.

Immergut wrote that she expected a trial court to agree with the state’s contention that the president exceeded his constitutional authority in mobilizing federal troops for local work and likely violated the 10th Amendment.

Cankles restored $187 million of law enforcement funding to New York state last week, reversing a massive cut to the state’s historical budget levels. The cuts eliminated a staggering 86% of New York’s homeland security funding and were opposed by both Republican lawmakers and the state’s Democratic Governor Kathy Hochul who claimed they were “politically-motivated.”

It’s almost as if he doesn’t know what he’s doing; make the cuts, end the cuts.

This week Koncentration Kamp Kristi Noem was not allowed inside the Village of Broadview Municipal Building in Illinois to use the bathroom. And she whined:

“This is a public building. The Village of Broadview receives at least $1 million in federal funding every year. This is how JB Pritzker and his cronies treat our law enforcement. Absolutely shameful. This is what we have to put up with every single day. All we’re doing is getting criminals and terrorists and heroin and gang members off the streets to make families safer.”

Like the heroin dealers that were sleeping in their homes the other night when ICEstapo raided and threw mothers and children into the streets?

Fuck off, Fraulein.

Once again Cankles’ effort to curtail birthright citizenship was declared unconstitutional when a three-judge panel of the 1st US Circuit Court of Appeals in Boston upheld an injunction won by Democratic-led states and immigrant rights advocates that stopped Cankles’ executive order from taking effect.

In  July the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco upheld a nationwide injunction blocking Cankles’ order from taking effect on the grounds that it violated the citizenship clause of the Constitution’s 14th Amendment.

Cankles’ now wants the appeal heard by SCOTUS.

An FBI agent was relieved of duty for declining to arrange a “perp walk” of the bureau’s former director, James Comey, in front of news media cameras after Comey was federally charged last month.

Comey was charged on September 25 with making false statements and obstructing a congressional investigation as part of Cankles’ Butt-Hurt Retribution Tour.

This is the Resistance at work; stand your ground.

A Chicago delivery guy has gone viral for yelling “F*ck Trump! I am not a citizen!” at ICE Agents, then narrowly escaping as about a dozen officers gave chase in full tactical gear. The agents are heard yelling, “Get him!” as they start running after the man who escaped on his bicycle.

US District Judge Royce Lamberth has ruled that the U.S. Agency for Global Media [AGM] cannot implement a reduction in force eliminating 532 jobs for full-time government employees.

Kari “Loser” Lake, the agency’s acting CEO, announced in late August that the job cuts would take effect Tuesday but the judge’s ruling preserves the status quo at the agency until he rules on a plaintiffs’ underlying motion to block the reduction in force.

Judge David Campbell of the Federal District Court in Arizona, who was temporarily assigned to handle the case in Nevada, has disqualified Sigal Chattah, that state’s top federal prosecutor from handling cases, a rebuke to Cankles’ attempts to circumvent federal appointment procedures put in place by Congress.

Campbell said that Chattah was “not validly serving as acting U.S. attorney” and that her involvement in cases “would be unlawful.”

Chattah is a Republican activist and a Cankles supporter who was previously a lawyer for the state Republican Party. She was also the party’s unsuccessful candidate for attorney general in 2022.

The Supreme Court has ruled that Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook can remain in her post pending oral arguments in January on whether Cankles has legal cause to fire her.

The court’s move is a blow to Cankles, who has repeatedly and unsuccessfully asked federal courts to allow him to terminate Cook from the Fed’s Board of Governors without delay.

Cankles has cited claims that Cook committed mortgage fraud—the same mortgage fraud committed by three members of his Junk Drawer who are still employed—as his reason for firing her.m

A pornographic blog linked to Virginia Lieutenant Governor candidate John Reid shared content from accounts that fetishized Nazism and sexual violence. Reid has denied ownership of the blog even though it was hosted on Tumblr under the name JRDeux, the same handle he uses on Instagram and TikTok.

Oh, and JRDeux deleted his blog right after the report came out.

Huh.

Vice President JD CouchF*cker Vance dismissed criticism of AI-generated videos that Cankles posted to social media of Representative Hakeem Jeffries in a mustache and sombrero that have characterized as racist.

Vance said Cankles was “joking” and “having a good time” because racism is fun.

Cankles is once again saying the Associated Press lost the case on the renaming of The Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America—it’s the Gulf of Mexico, by the way, and has been for almost 500 years.

Fact: No judge in the ongoing lawsuit said what Cankles claimed they did. First, a Cankles-appointed district court judge sided with the AP and issued a preliminary injunction against Cankles’ restrictions, calling them a violation of the First Amendment. Then, on appeal, two judges on a three-judge panel of the District of Columbia Circuit Court sided with Cankles and ended most of the injunction but these two judges, both Cankles-appointed conservatives, never declared that “the name is Gulf of America” nor that the AP’s decision to use “Gulf of Mexico” was “not appropriate.”

The full DC Circuit court subsequently declined to overrule the panel but also did not make any statements about the AP’s language decisions. And the lawsuit is not over; the appeals court has not yet heard oral arguments on the merits of the case.

PS It’s The Gulf of Mexico.

There’s a reason they call Eric ‘The Dumb One’ and here’s why:

“They came after me like I was a dog. They tried to impeach my father two times. You know, they went after him for a Russia hoax that did not exist, that was paid for by Hillary Clinton. The FBI and the DOJ spied on my father’s campaign. They de-platformed him. They weaponized every attorney general and every district attorney around the country. They indicted him 91 times, 34 times in a bogus trial in New York City. They posted his mugshot. He’s the most recognizable person in the world. They posted his mugshot even though they didn’t need to. It totally backfired on him. They gagged him over and over and over! They raided his home! They raided Mar-a-Lago! They tried to get him divorced! They tried to separate our family! They tried to go after our employees! They attacked us. They tried to bankrupt our company. They de-platformed us! They stripped every bank account away from me and the [Cankles] Organization that you can imagine.”

Someone is desperately trying to stay in the will.

Two insiders in the Department of Defense, one who works directly with Pete ‘DUI Hire’ Hegseth’s  office and the other indirectly, say that in the last few weeks Pull-Up Pete has been erupting in tirades, raging at staffers and obsessing about matters related to his security:

“There’s a manic quality about him. Or let me rephrase, an even more manic quality, which is really saying something.”

Hegseth insisted on pushing through the name change to the Department of War months earlier than his staff was ready, berating those who tried to delay the announcement. They also say he has had tirades in response to legal advisors’ and congressional members’ suggestions that the military’s recent killings of alleged Venezuelan narcotraffickers on boats in the Caribbean broke international law.

He’s just the guy you want overseeing the nation’s nuclear arsenal, right?

DOGE poster boy Edward “Big Balls” Coristine shared details of the carjacking that made headlines but one key detail differs from police reports. Coristine recalled being attacked at around 3AM:

“I was walking one of my friends back to her car and as we were walking to the car, there’s a group of 10 guys right across the street. And as we get to the car and she begins to fumble for the keys, they start shouting at us and really quickly I knew something was really off about the situation.”

And yet in a statement released on two days after the incident, authorities announced the arrests of two 15-year-olds, one male and one female, both from Hyattsville, Maryland who were charged with carjacking. Big Balls is more like No Balls.

But we have balls and we have voices and votes and the ability to use them …

The Funny Papers

Ed Wexler, Nick Anderson,Marc Murphy,Morten Moreland, Jack Ohman,RJ Matson, Pedro X Molina,Michael de Adder, Max Espinoza, Gary Huck