I Ain't One To Gossip, But ...

A little over a week after Jaime King—after a quick Smart Lookup I’ve discovered is an actress—filed for divorce from her estranged husband Kyle Newman—after a quick Smart Lookup I’ve discovered is a film director—and the requisite ‘parting ways amicably,’ and ‘please respect our privacy,’ the two decided to unleash the messiness.

The instant Jaime filed for divorce, she also obtained a temporary restraining order against Kyle, and sought sole custody of their two sons, but was denied; the dueling former lovers will have to try and play nice while co-parenting. And then all hell broke loose …

Jaime claims her marriage has been horrible for the last six years, and accuses Kyle of isolating her from professional contacts, employers, and friends. Jaime ALLEGES that Kyle flew to Canada in February—where she was filming a movie—and verbally harassed her in the lunchroom; she ALLEGES that Kyle followed her to a friend’s home, screamed at her, and then chased her down with his car; she ALLEGES that Kyle has berated her, told her she’s a bad mother, and that she now lives in fear.

For his part, Kyle ALLEGEDLY told Jaime’s family and friends that she was struggling with addiction and needed help. Kyle ALLEGES that Jaime is a chronic opiate and alcohol user who is not capable of caring for their sons and refuses real treatment; he has ALLEGED that Jaime used drugs while pregnant with their younger son, and they discovered their 20-week-old fetus was addicted to drugs in his mother’s womb. Kyle ALLEGES  Jaime has driven under the influence with the children in the car, and that she once left their son with his nanny during a doctor’s appointment to  make a booze run; he ALLEGES that the nanny had to track down Jaime after the appointment, where she was still shopping for booze. Kyle also accuses a drunk or high Jaime of improperly buckling their youngest into his car seat, not closing the vehicle door, and speeding off. She was flagged down by the nanny and a pedestrian, who saw the child hanging out of the vehicle.

Well, so much for amicable and privacy. Amirite?

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Someone is desperate for attention, but it’s a Kardastrophe, so that’s no shock.

During lockdown, Khloe Kardastrophe has found lots of ways to occupy her time: she’s been caught up in a paternity test as another woman claims Khloe’s Baby Daddy, Tristan ‘I can’t keep my dick to myself’ Thompson, is her Baby Daddy; rumors flew that Khloe was once again pregnant by her serial cheater boyfriend …the aforementioned Thompson; she was dragged over wasting toilet paper in a pandemic; and now this …

Khloe has a new face, y’all, and it’s Number Seven! After she posted the picture, above right, to Instagram to show off her new hair color, most folks were all “Who dis?” Is it FaceTune? Is it a Blow-Up Khloe Doll?

Nope, it’s just another new face, which completes the changing of Khloe Kardastrophe into looking nothing like Khloe Kardastrophe. But it may be a good thing, because now maybe Tristan ‘I can’t keep my dick to myself’ Thompson will think he’s boning a new girl, when he’s really boning the same old Khloe in a new plastic face.

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Y’all can rest easy, because Millionaire Troll Doll, Mary-Kate Olsen’s five-year marriage to Olivier Sarkozy is officially dunzo and she’s been able to secure herself a new place to live.

MKO is renting a mansion in the Hamptons for the Summer because, yeah, she’s a millionaire and no longer homeless.

But it must have been fun to play act like a regular person kicked out of her home by her soon-to-be ex-husband, but even though MKO could no longer live in her apartment she shared with Sarkozy, she did have her pick of an apartment she owns on East 49th Street, and a Bridgehampton home she owned. Pity poor MKO … until she coughed up $325,000 to rent that Hampton’s home.

Sorry, not sorry. One Percent problems don’t interest me.

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Elon Musk and Grimes attempted to seem very hip and cool … and kinda stupid … when they name their son, X Æ A-12 Musk, until the state of California stepped in and said, “Look, we drew the line as Apple.”

Or because you can’t use numbers in a person’s name.

Grimes says that in accordance with California law, their son’s new name is X Æ A-XII. See what they did? They switched out the Arabic numerals for Roman numerals. How clever, except …

The proud parents don’t know how to pronounce the name. Grimes says it’s pronounced: X-A-I A-Twelve, while Elon says it’s pronounced: X-Ash A-Twelve.

I think it’s pronounced: Will-need-therapy-at-age-twelve.

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And now, an ISBL PSA [Public Service Announcement:

Don’t come for comedian and actress Wanda Sykes unless she sends for you …especially if you’re right wingnut and has been actor, Scott ‘Chachi’ Baio.

It all began when presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden said that if you vote for _____, “you ain’t black”. Sykes, former producer/writer for the revival of Roseanne, defended Biden’s remarks on Twitter, saying:

“Biden feels at home speaking to the Black community. He made a joke. Comedy ain’t easy, but he didn’t say 2 go shoot Clorox in our tits. Now, I wouldn’t make a blanket statement to say that voting for [_____] means you’re not Black. I would say that it means you’re not smart.”

Snap. Wanda’s fabulous way with words irked one unemployed actor, Scott Baio, who, like his Orange Idol, took to Twitter to come for Wanda:

“Hey @iamwandasykes why is it okay for @JoeBiden to say something clearly racist but @therealroseanne gets kicked off of her own show that YOU are a writer on, for making a mistake? Is it because you're a full of shit, hack liberal?”

First off, grammar, man; and howsabout some punctuation, too?  Still, as I said, don’t come for Wanda unless she sends for you, because she replied:

“Oh! Hey Chachi. Apologies, I didn’t see you. I’ll keep it short. Joe Biden didn’t say, “Then you ain’t an ape.” Well, let me get back to work ... I hope you enjoy whatever it is that you do.”

Wanda’s ape comment is, of course, referring to Roseanne saying that Obama’s former advisor Valerie Jarrett  is “if the Muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby.” And when that happened Wanda quit Roseanne immediately; the star was fired, the show was cancelled and then revived as The Connors. The mistake ‘Chachi’ is referring to is that Roseanne’s racist ‘joke’ wasn’t racist because she thought Jarrett was white.

Chachi really should spend some time honing his craft … whatever that is …and let Wanda handle the funny and the political and the snarky.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Big Pandemic News! Oprah Winfrey cannot make her own bed.

Yup, with a crisis going on around the country, Oprah has been forced to do her own chores, and took to Instagram to complain that she didn’t know how to properly stuff a duvet into a duvet cover.

Hey O? Gimme a call. I’ll tell you how to stuff it.

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This was supposed to be Anna Wintour’s week. As always, the first Monday in May would find Anna Wintour perched atop the Metropolitan Museum of Art stairs in couture to preside over the Met gala. But then came COVID-19 and the party was shut down.

And out came former BFF André Leon Talley and his memoir, Chiffon Trenches, in which he trashes Wintour as a horrible friend and vicious human.

Now it’s Talley’s friend, designer Ralph Rucci, choosing to fan the flames on Wintour Dirt, writing on Instagram:

“[The] door has been OPENED WIDE [to criticize Wintour] … There has been so much personal evil and destruction, and now perhaps others will feel safe to speak.”

In simpler times, the very idea of bashing Nuclear Wintour would have been career suicide, but times have changed. Some industry insiders are relishing this Battle Royale because it “vindicates” those who have felt snubbed by Wintour over the years and exposes cracks in the almighty power she once[?] wielded over her fashion magazine empire.

Talley’s book was scheduled to drop this week, the week of the Met Gala, but was moved to September because of the pandemic. However, with juicy tidbits being released, and people coming forward with their tales of horror, the book will come out next week.

May is not a good month for Wintour. I think she may cancel the whole month next year. If she still wields any power.

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French Canadian musician—at least that’s what they say—Grimes gave birth to her first child, a boy, with Elon Musk. I know, who cares, right?

But remember back in the good old days when Contagion Paltrow named her daughter Apple and people freaked out? Times change … Musk and Grimes … sounds like a pandemic right there … named their little boy:

X Æ A-12 Musk.

And they’ve already picked out a therapist for the child to work through his soon-to-appear issues. First, though, they need to figure out how to pronounce it.

The state of California took one look at the birth certificate and said:

“Oh, hell no.”

You see, California state law does not allow some Xenu Scientology captcha ass mathematical equation bull. Names can only use the 26 alphabetical characters of the English language, according to the state constitution.

I suggest: XAEATWELVE, cuz that makes just as much sense.

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Elly Jackson, the lead singer of the pop act La Roux, appeared on Phil Taggart‘s podcast last March but the gossip is just now coming out because … who is Elly Jackson?

Yeah; I don’t know either, but … Elly dished on working with Republican Christian Nutcase Kanye West back in 2010, saying he’s not “100% normal” and when she told a mutual friend about his weird-ass behavior, Kanye demanded an apology letter from him.

Now, perhaps he wanted the letter because this isn’t the first time Elly has trashed Kanye. In 2014, she was first asked about working with him and said:

“No, fuck him. Nobody likes him.”

And now she’s back for more because, again, who is she? Elly and Kanye worked on his song All Of The Lights back in 2010 and also did a remix together of her song In For The Kill. She said she witnessed behavior she found “upsetting and unsettling”:

“I just saw some behavior that wasn’t directed toward me, but I saw some behavior that I can’t approve of as a human being—I can’t approve of… He’s one of those people that’s not 100% normal. He’s kind of fascinating. It’s a fascinating world to be in for, you know, like a few days. … [But] you can’t just have a normal conversation. I didn’t manage to anyway—I found it impossible. He’s on [a] show 24 hours a day, it’s just him. It’s also kind of amazing to be around. You know, I’ll never be around anything like that again. It was really strange.”

Then when Elly spoke to a mutual friend about Kanye’s weirdness, the friend ran straight to Yeezy  with the tea, and he was so insulted that he asked her to write him an apology; she did:

“I remember writing it. I was sat there on my sofa lol’ing to myself like: “Dear Kanye”.”

I would’a written just two letters: F and U.

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I always love when people I don’t know, never heard of, make the gossip news because it inspires me to think that regular folk are as fucked up as even pseudo-celebrities.

Apparently, NFL player Earl Thomas, currently of the Baltimore Ravens, is good at football  but sucks at being a faithful husband. See, while under lockdown, Earl had a spat with his wife, Nina, over his love of brown juice and left the manse with his brother, Seth, picked up some women, and had an orgy at an Airbnb in Austin.

Yes, with his brother, y’all. And before you get all Poor Nina and Team Nina on his ass, there’s more:

Nina used Snapchat to figure out where Earl went and used it to track his ass down … with a gun and two of her best girlfriends. When they arrived at the house, they “discovered Earl and Seth naked in bed with other women.” That’s when Nina pulled out the gun and put it to Earl’s head. Now, she claims to have removed the magazine—she just wanted to scare Earl—but didn’t realize there was still one bullet in the chamber. We know this because one of females involved in the orgy recorded it all on her phone … the attempted murder, I’m guessing, not the brother-brother orgy.

Earl wrestled the gun away from Nina, but not before she hit him in the face with it, but it still wasn’t over. By the time police arrived, an orgy goer with a phone, clearly the police say they observed Nina Thomas chasing a shirtless Earl Thomas around a vehicle.

One of the women, Earl’s ALLEGED mistress—he’s at an orgy with his brother and his mistress and at least one side-piece—claims Nina also threatened her and the other woman in the house, when she pointed the gun at them and shouted:

“I got something for all you ho’s!”

After speaking with everyone, police arrested Nina and both members of her posse. Nina was booked for burglary of a residence with intent to commit aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

The best part—other than Nina is required to stay 200 yards from Earl and his alleged mistress—is the recording of Earl that he posted to Instagram to get ahead pf the story before TMZ broke it, in which he says:

“Sometimes things don’t go as planned [and you get caught in a four way with your girlfriend and your brother and] stuff like this happens [when you get caught in a four way with your girlfriend and your brother.]”*

Man, lockdown is something else at the Thomas house, eh?

*My thoughts in parentheses.

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