I Didn't Say It

Chris Van Hollen, Democrat Senator from Maryland, spoke with El Salvador’s Vice President Félix Ulloa about the release of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, a man sent there by The Felon’s regime despite an immigration court order preventing his deportation:

“Why is the government of El Salvador continuing to imprison a man where they have no evidence that he’s committed any crime and they have not been provided any evidence from the United States that he has committed any crime? They should just let him go. We have an unjust situation here. [The Felon’s] administration is lying about Abrego Garcia. The American courts have looked at the facts. I will keep pressing in my remaining time here and I will keep pressing beyond that.”

The Felon will not allow him back because it will make him look like even more of an inept, unqualified, lump of gelatinous flab with no brain cells firing in that fat head of his.

But We The People should remember and use our votes to get the GOP out of Congress and then impeach The Felon and his rag-tag bag of goose-stepping Nazis and imprison them all in an El Salvadoran gulag.

UPDATE: Yesterday Senator Chris Van Hollen met with Kilmar Abrego Garcia, the man wrongly deported to El Salvador last month.

But, moments before Hollen posted his message and image, Salvadoran President Nayib Bukele posted three additional photos from the meeting and said:

"Now that he’s been confirmed healthy, he gets the honor of staying in El Salvador’s custody."

Apparently because The Felon is paying Bukele to keep Garcia there.

This is far from over.

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Wilson Cruz, out actor and LGBTQ+ activist, ripping fellow actor Terrence Howard a new for  refusing to play a gay character:

“Let me be very clear. I don’t give a flying fuck if straight actors play Gay roles [but] what we won’t be doing is saying that playing a Gay role makes you less of a man. Being a man has nothing to do with where you put your dick and [is] much more about where you don’t put your hands. It’s about how you use your strength to protect. To build, to stand for what is right and just, for  you. Your family, your community. Worry less about your manhood and worry more about mankind. Be a man.”

It's funny that Howard had no issue playing a drug dealer, an adulterer, a criminal, a murderer, but gay gets him all sweaty and bothered.

Huh.

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Steve Inskeep, American journalist and one of the hosts of NPR’s Morning Edition and Up First, plainly stating The Felon’s stupidity:

“If I understand this correctly, the US president has launched a trade war against the world, believes he can force the EU and China to meet his terms, is determined to annex Canada and Greenland but is powerless before the sovereign might of El Salvador. Is that right?”

Well, El Salvador has a dick-tator and The Felon seems to like dick … tators.

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David Letterman, TV icon, on The Felon:

“If this guy was running Dairy Queen, he’d be gone …so why do we have to be victimized by his fecklessness, his ignorance … Let’s just stop whining about what a goon he is and figure out a way to take him aside and put him in a home.”

Stand up, speak up, resist and vote. Then have him committed.

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Eric Swalwell, California Democrat Representative, on how to ensure that another Felon isn’t aided and abetted while office:

“I don’t say this lightly: when we escape this … Hell there needs to be a Presidential Crimes Commission. It should be made up of independent prosecutors who look at those who enabled a corrupt president.”

All those Republicans to afraid to be primaried or suffer the fate of The Mean Tweet, and who stood by and did nothing but prop up a criminal because they care more about power than country, should be sent to, oh, I don’t know, maybe some kind of maximum security gulag where they can think about what they did.

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Henry Rollins, singer, writer, actor, comedian, and spoken word artist, on immigrants to America:

“Someone who would go across a desert that can kill you, to get to another country? You want to be an American that bad? ‘Cause I’ve never had to lift my damn finger to be an American and I am honored to share a country with you.”

I’d rather share my country with people who come here looking for a better life than those people who are here to keep “others’ down because of language or skin color or gender identity or sexual orientation.

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Scott Galloway, professor at New York University Stern School of Business, on The Felon's tariff mess:

"It would be hard to think of a more elegant way to reduce prosperity this fast. Let's talk about Apple. The notion was we're going to bring back all of those great jobs? The average Apple assembly person in China makes $500 a month. The average Apple employee focusing on more high-value things like design, store management, makes $200,000 a year here. We want to wear Nikes. We don't want to make them. We have outsourced low-wage jobs overseas such that we can create more profits, more investments, and create higher wage jobs. If these tariffs hold, your iPhone's going to go from $1000 bucks to $2,300; to make an iPhone in the U.S. it would cost $3,500. As a result, the threats of these tariffs take Apple's stock down the value of Walmart in three days. If these tariffs hold ... 80% of toys under the Christmas tree are from China so 90% of U.S. households are budget-constrained. So we're talking about half the number of toys. We're talking about a destruction in shareholder value such that your parents can't retire as quickly and we're talking about the entire world rerouting their supply chain around 'brand America,' which, quite frankly, right now is toxic uncertainty—so they can bypass a series of unpredictable, epileptic, sclerotic decisions. What we finally need to acknowledge: We have someone at the wheel of the global economy that is blackout drunk right now.”

The Felon needs to be tried for his fraud, for his manipulation, to make the rich richer and the poor subservient. This whole on-again-off-again, pause on the tariff bull shit is a ploy to increase the wealth of the one percent  while punishing everyone else.

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I Didn't Say It ....

Joe Kennedy III, Massachusetts Democratic Congressman, taking a shot at Lyin’ Paul Ryan and the GOP’s _____Care proposal:

“I was struck last night by a comment that I heard made by Speaker Ryan, where he called this repeal bill ‘an act of mercy.’ With all due respect to our speaker, he and I must have read different scripture. The one that I read calls on us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, and give comfort to the sick. It reminds us that we are judged not by how we treat the powerful, but how we care for the least among us. … There is no ‘mercy’ in a system that makes healthcare a luxury. There is no ‘mercy’ in a country that turns its back on those most in need of protection — the elderly, the poor, the sick, and the suffering.”

Isn’t it grand when the liberals throw the Bible back in the face of the Bible thumpers like Ryan who have no idea what the Bible says or means?

Loving it!

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David Letterman, on President _____:

“I mean, how do you build a dictatorship? First, you undermine the press: ‘The only truth you’re going to hear is from me.’ And he hires the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Steve Bannon, to be his little buddy. Bannon looks like a guy who goes to lunch, gets drunk, and comes back to the office: ‘Steve, could you have just one drink?’ ‘Fuck you.’ How is a white supremacist the chief adviser to our president? Did anybody look that up?”

Preach it, Dave!

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Amar’e Stoudemire, former NBA star, asked if he would have a problem with a gay teammate:

“I’m going to shower across the street, make sure my change of clothes are around the corner. And I’m going to drive [and] take a different route to the gym.”

Isn’t it funny how homophobes always think gay men will come after them? We won’t because you’re an effing Neanderthal.

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Amar’e Stoudemire, apologizing for being a homophobic dick:

“I want to apologize for my offensive comments against the LGBT community. These remarks were taken from a larger interview where a reporter was asking me hypothetical questions, and all my answers had a comedic undertone. The answers I gave were meant to be taken as jokes and I am deeply sorry for offending anyone. I am open to creating a dialogue to assist the fight the LGBT community encounters daily and will continue to focus on playing basketball.”

Homophobia isn’t funny, asshat, just like if a white player said he’d cross the street rather than shower with a black player is never, never, funny.

Piss off.

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Ben Carson, on slaves and how and why they “chose” to come to America:

“That’s what America is about. A land of dreams and opportunity. There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even longer, even harder for less. But they, too, had a dream that one day their sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters, great grandsons, great granddaughters might pursue prosperity and happiness in this land.”

I remember reading about Africans being rounded up by slavers, chained together in the holds of ships, crapping themselves, pissing, themselves, fed slop, and having to remain shackled even if the slave next to them died during the voyage.

So, yeah, I believe they saw this as a dram of an opportunity to come to America for a better life by being sold as property, used, beaten, murdered, raped, at the whim of white men.

Ben Carson seriously needs to shut the fuck up.

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Martin O’Malley, former governor of Maryland and Democratic Party presidential candidate, trying to persuade people not to attend the White House St. Patrick’s Day gathering:

“The enduring symbol of the United States of America is not the barbed wire fence, it is the Statue of Liberty. So please, ‘in the name of God and of the dead generations from which Ireland receives her old tradition of nationhood, boycott _____’s St. Patrick’s Day gathering at the White House ... Let’s show _____ how many Irish Americans and fellow Americans oppose his policies. Make you Irish ancestors smile. We are not a deportation nation that breaks up immigrant families and separates parents from their children. As John F. Kennedy said, ‘We are a nation of immigrants.’ Our diversity is our greatest strength. Take a stand for the true character of the United States of America—a free and generous country, a Republic with liberty and justice for all.”

Bravo, sir, bravo. We all need to remember that we all came from ancestors who traveled here from somewhere else, and that immigrants are not bad.

Bad is the bigot in the White House spreading fear and hate.

PS Martin O'Malley is hot ... just sayin'.

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Gavin Grimm, the trans student, taking his fight to use a bathroom to the Supreme Court—who last week, after _____’s dismissal of Obama’s guidance, sent it back to appeals court:

“This case will not be resolved until after I graduate. But this fight is bigger than me. I came to realize that very early on, and it is truer now than it ever has been. This fight is for other trans youth in my high school. It is for other trans youth in Virginia. It is for all trans youth who are in school or one day will be. It is for the friends and loved ones of these youth, who want these children to be happy and healthy, rather than at risk and in danger as so many trans people are.”

The fight will go on, and trans Americans and their allies will be victorious.

Mark my words.

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I Didn't Say It ...

David Letterman, the King of Late Night TV, on Jeb Bush’s opposition to same-sex marriage:

"Well, like it or not, the presidential campaign has already begun. Jeb Bush. Jeb Bush came out against same-sex marriage. Jeb Bush. Brother of the former president, son of the former, former president came out against same sex marriage. Also came out in favor of the Iraq War. He certainly is a different kind of Republican, isn't he? Jeb says, Jeb says that if you let gay people get married – this is Jeb Bush now talking – he says if you let gay people get married, next thing you know, women are going to want to vote."

Goin’ out on top!

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Ger Brennan, Gaelic footballer, on why he's voting "No" in Ireland’s upcoming marriage referendum:

"I very nearly decided not to write this piece. I know I'll be targeted for it and labeled for it. It would have been easier to keep my mouth shut and not rock the boat. But I'm sick of the accusations being flung around that if you vote 'No' you are homophobic. I know I'm not homophobic; my gay friends and family can attest to that. I am voting "No" because I don't want our Constitution to deny that it is a good thing for a child to have a mother and a father."

So, um, Ger? Are your gay ‘friends’ happy that you think they’re less than? And are you planning on voting to make divorce illegal? Planning on making it illegal for people who don’t want, or can’t have, children, to get married?

Are you planning on removing children from all single parent homes?

Your arguments are idiotic, and your stance is homophobic.
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Ted Cruz, hate-mongering, fear-spreading, lying:

“We are seeing today profound threats to religious liberty in America, I think the greatest threats we’ve ever seen. We’re a nation that was founded by men and women who were fleeing religious oppression and coming to seek out a land where everyone of us could worship God Almighty with all of our hearts, minds and souls, and that is under profound jeopardy today.”

Yes, we fled religious persecution and now you, and your ilk, are trying to use your religion to repress The Gays.
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Melissa Rivers, on Kathy Griffin’s joining, the leaving, Fashion Police:

“I’m just going to say it wasn’t a match on a lot of levels. My biggest complaint was the feeling that she kind of sh*t all over my mother’s legacy in her statement on leaving. I know that that was not an intentional reading of it, but that’s how I felt … by calling the comedy and the style of it old fashioned. It’s like, I understand what you’re doing, you’re trying to save yourself, but don’t crap all over my mother to do it. And that’s how I felt and that was very personal, but as a professional that was her choice, that’s what she did, no harm no foul, it didn’t work, moving on.”

I love Kathy, but Kathy had no business trying to take over for Joan.

She is not now, nor will she ever be, Joan Rivers.
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Rush Limbaugh, on the news that the number of Christina’s is declining:

“They have left their churches because of social issues and the evolution of their churches to social areas they didn't want to go and don't feel comfortable being in. If you look at the evangelical churches, they haven’t lost anything. Their membership is holding pretty steady. Where the message has remained, where the mission has remained the same, where the members of the church don’t think any corruption is taking place. They're still hanging in there.”

Actually, Rush, the Pew study shows that membership is down in all branches of religion, save Judaism, Islam and Buddhism.

And the people aren’t leaving because the churches changed; they’re leaving because the churches won’t change.
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I Didn't Say It ...

Tim Cook, Apple CEO, formally coming out as gay:

"While I have never denied my sexuality, I haven’t publicly acknowledged it either, until now. So let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me. Being gay has given me a deeper understanding of what it means to be in the minority and provided a window into the challenges that people in other minority groups deal with every day. It’s made me more empathetic, which has led to a richer life. It’s been tough and uncomfortable at times, but it has given me the confidence to be myself, to follow my own path, and to rise above adversity and bigotry. It’s also given me the skin of a rhinoceros, which comes in handy when you’re the CEO of Apple ... When I arrive in my office each morning, I’m greeted by framed photos of Dr. King and Robert F. Kennedy. I don’t pretend that writing this puts me in their league. All it does is allow me to look at those pictures and know that I’m doing my part, however small, to help others. We pave the sunlit path toward justice together, brick by brick. This is my brick."

Each of us has a brick to lay on that path for those who come behind.

Jody Hice, “pastor” and newly elected Georgia Congressional wingnut, on the Penn State child abuse sex scandal:

“The whole issue is a morally bankrupt nation is where we are. And you can go back decades as we first kicked the Bible out of schools and then prayer out of schools. And we've just basically been going downhill since then and you get what you get -- you know, you kick God out."

So instead of blaming what happened on now-convicted serial child abuser Jerry Sandusky, or our nation's obsession with football, Hice said it’s all because of God and the Bible?

Oy.

Gareth Thomas, Welsh rugby legend, on how and why he came out as gay:

"I didn't come out because I wanted to be the first person to do it. I came out because I came to the crossroads of living or dying, and that's why I decided to come out. Because I wanted to live. I get stopped, even today, constantly on the street by people I have never met in my entire life, and they'll say to me, 'I Just want to thank you for helping my brother, mother, father, sister, auntie, uncle, because you gave them the strength to be who they want to be...I have won every trophy that I can ever dream of winning but when you affect somebody’s life, in a way that this person is going to have a life that they never thought they could have because of me, stupid old me, because of that they could do that, it’s amazing."

It’s Thomas’ brick on that same path.

David Letterman, on the midterm elections and the Obama bashing on both sides of the aisle:

“This is what happens when we have the midterm elections. The Republicans, of course, have turned against Obama, and the Democrats have also turned against Obama. That’s a lonely, lonely gig being president, ladies and gentlemen. … Take a look at this: gas under $3 a gallon – under $3 a gallon. Unemployment under 6%, whoever thought? Stock market breaking records every day. No wonder the guy is so unpopular.”

Thanks Dave.

Sophia Loren, on giving Jayne Mansfield's dress the side-eye:

"In my face you can see the fear. I’m so frightened that everything in her dress is going to blow — BOOM! — and spill all over the table. There may be other photos, but this is the picture. This is the one that shows how it was. This is the only picture."

A truly iconic picture, and proof that Mansfield was ahead of her time.

That dress would be daring today.

The Funny Papers Pt 1

The Funny Papers Pt 2: The Rest