I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton have been together for over four years, and there’s been wedding rumors  since Day One, but, apparently, Gwen won’t walk down the aisle because she’s really Catholic and won’t get married until her fourteen year marriage to Gavin Rossdale is annulled by the church.

Huh. I didn’t know “really Catholic: meant shacking up with your new lover, but I guess “really Catholic” means picking and choosing the rules you feel best suit your situation.

And a Sidenote: since annulment basically says there was no marriage at any time ever between Gavin and Gwen does that mean her children with Gavin are now bastard children?

I mean, it’s the Catholics, so we know they’re kinda effed up.

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Oh my … That Woman, the matriarch of the Kardastrophe Klan, has come out from her crypt bearing Christmas gifts.

Apparently, That Woman has partnered with Botox Cosmetics for a campaign called Gift Like A Boss and she will be giving the gift of poison injections into your face to celebrate the birth of the Baby Jeebus.

And, from what I’ve heard, to save some money, cuz that shiz can be costly, she’s having the stores of Botox already in her face opened up for the gift exchange. Yes, it’s used Botox from That Woman, and her explanation is e-very-thing:

“It’s a one stop shop for me. And who doesn’t love Botox? For me it’s been really great. If you’re responsible, and you talk to your doctor, I think it works. It’s something that I’ve been using for a long time. My routine is pretty simple, but it always has been my entire life. A massage, a great facial, a manicure and a little Botox and I’m good to go. I’m pretty traditional. As long as I’m clean and scrubbed up, I’m a happy camper.”

Oh, dear god. someone stop this tool from speaking.

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And speaking of delusional tools and their Christmas gifts, enter GOOP.

In addition to her loads of useless way-too-expensive crap she wants to unload this season, Gwyneth Paltrow’s new holiday commercial featuring her gifting herself a vibrator.

Seriously; the ad features Gwynnie getting ready for guests in her luxurious penthouse, laying out the food and drinks and then stuffing a vibrator into her … stocking.

It’s the new G Label dildo and sells for a Paltrow, er, paltry, $100. But if you’re feeling like royalty and not a peasant, GOOP also offers  24-karat gold Lelo vibrator for $3500.

Batteries ALLEGEDLY not included.

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Bill Cosby is currently serving a 3-10-year prison sentence for sexual assault, but had, of course, appealed the ruling claiming this was some kind of conspiratorial political hit … on a comedian.

His appeal was denied, so, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Merry Christmas. I hope there’s Jell-O on the menu come the 25th.

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A couple of weeks back, Justin Timberlake was photographed getting a little too handsy—holding handsy—with his co-star Alisha Wainwright.

But friends came to his defense and said, basically, That’s Justin! This Fall on Fox.

But I digress. And then, Timberlake took to social media to basically say it was nothing, but that he’s sorry for the “nothing” and hopes the “nothing” didn’t embarrassment his wife, Jessica Biel, and their son.

It was “nothing” …except, it now appears Justin was ordered to do the Instagram PSA by Jessica, who wasn’t just gonna take a kitchen table apology.

I guess it wasn’t really “nothing” after all.

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Eddie Murphy is promoting Dolemite Is My Name and apparently feels that bragging about the ten times he’s knocked ups several different women is really sexy …to women, cuz he said this:

“Men kind of look at me like, ‘He’s crazy. How much did that s–t cost?’ And women, it’s kind of like, something sexy about it, I think. [They think,] ‘Eddie Murphy must be doing his thing. Eddie Murphy be getting it in.’”

He’s, um, gotten it in ten times.

Here’s the rundown: Murphy and his fiancée Paige Butcher welcomed his 10th child last December, adding to the daughter they already have.

Murphy also has children—Bria, 30, Miles, 27, Shayne, 25, Zola, 19, and Bella, 17—with ex-wife Nicole Murphy. Then there’s the son, Eric, 30, with Paulette McNeely, and another son Christian, 29, with Tamera Hood, and daughter Angel with Spice Girl Mel B.

And if you check the ages of his children, Eddie was getting it in … without protection … with more than one woman at a time.

Yeah, that’s sexy.

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It's Snarkurday!

Like a certain president, Harvey Weinstein does not know when to shut his piehole and simply read the prepared statement. He’s now claiming #FakeNews to a story that he admitted to giving women roles in his films in exchange for sex. But if you listen to his story, he kinda admits it’s true:

“I was born poor, ugly, Jewish and had to fight all my life to get somewhere … no girl looked at me until I made it big in Hollywood. Yes I did offer them acting jobs in exchange for sex, but so did and still does everyone. But I never, ever forced myself on a single woman.”

He doesn’t seem to get it that telling a woman she has to allow you to get naked and put your cheese-filled body on top of hers and rub your wee willie into her nether regions so she can act in one of your films is kinda forcing a woman to do that very thing; especially when you throw in that “You’ll never work in this town again” business.

The moral: Harvey Weinstein is a pig who’s yet to realize he’s a pig.

Maybe prison will help?

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Remember when it was rumored that Ewan McGregor was bumping uglies with his Fargo co-star, Mary Elizabeth Winstead? And then Ewan admitted he was cheating on his wife? And then he and Mary Elizabeth went public with their affair? And then Winstead broke things off because the press called her a “homewrecker” which is what you call someone who has an affair with a married person and, ahem, wrecks their home? And then Ewan filed for divorce from Eve Mavrakis, his wife of 22 years, and Winstead decided that she wouldn’t be labeled a “homewrecker” any more and went back to Ewan.

Well, Ewan’s 22-year-old daughter, Clara, that’s her up there coming between the lovebirds, decided that Winstead should still wear the Scarlet A and has been trolling the actress on social media. Clara sipped some tea and then dashed over to an Instagram fan page for Mary Elizabeth and commented:

“Most beautiful and talented woman on earth? … Oh man y’all are delusional. The girl is a piece of trash…x”. 

I love the little ‘x’ at the end because it says so much more than ‘kisses’.

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It looks like the No-Longer-A-Countess Luann de Lesseps should have gone to Not Being A Terrible Mother Rehab after she got out of Drunk In Public Rehab.

Luann is now being sued by her ex-husband, Still-A-Count Alexandre de Lesseps and their two children, Victoria and Noel. The three claim that as part of the 2009 divorce settlement, Luann was supposed to have set up a trust for the kids, and when she sold the family home in Water Mill was to put half that money in the trust.

But they say Luann kept the cash for herself … because booze and lawyers don’t come cheap.

Maybe I spoke too soon? The minute I finished writing that snark, I learned that the No-Longer-A-Countess Luann de Lesseps has checked herself back into rehab and will not be at the Real Housewives reunion.

Luann, who has also been accused this month of having an affair with her married manager, will be absent from the show, leaving former foe, former frenemy, and current bestie Bethenny “Never One To Stop Talking” Frankel to speak for her—apparently Frankel has added spokesperson to the SkinnyGirl empire:

“This weekend, Luann was surrounded by her girlfriends and decided—with their support—that in light of recent circumstances, it is the healthiest choice for her not to attend Tuesday’s reunion taping so that she can continue in her healing process. Luann is now surrounded by a core group of people who truly have her best interests at heart and who are working to make sure she gets the help she needs.”

That’s mighty brave … of Bethenny. I mean, it was an entire paragraph and she didn’t mention her contentious divorce, her custody battle, her dead friendship with Carole, or SkinnyGirl, even once.

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Last week, Blake Shelton was performing in concert and announced to the crowd that his guitarist had embarrassed himself in front of 200,000 people by playing the wrong song.

Then, as Shelton does, he embarrassed himself because he fell onstage; he didn’t trip, y’all, he just tumbled. And then said:

“And yes I had been drinking. A lot…”

Boy, I love spending my hard-earned coins from my job as a Walmart greeter to plunk down a hundred bucks to see some drunk guy fall down onstage. I mean, why not save some cash, buy a fifth of bourbon, play Blake’s music in my living room and drink till I pass out.

It’d be the same thing. Amirite?

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I’ve often said I’d marry Matt Lauer just so I could walk away a multi-millionaire when he gets caught being a sexual predator, but that bitch Annette Roque beat me to the punch.

Last I heard, Annette was said to be walking away from Pervy Lauer with four of the family homes and cash winnings of $20 million. Well, the divorce is settled, and it appears that Annette has won $50 million in cash and prizes … a horse farm, a house in the Hamptons, two other homes, and over $25 million in unmarked bills.

The best news? Lauer is said to be furious about the deal because Annette is getting half of his estimated fortune of $100 million.

Oh, Matty, you should’a kept your dick in your pants, your mouth shut and your hands to yourself. Ass.

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This is filed under the You Knew What You Were Getting When You Started Dating a Kardastrophe, AKA the Stop Acting Stoopid file.

Younes Bendjima, Kourtney Kardastrophe’s boyfriend, got his panties in a bunch when he began taking a stroll through his media whore girlfriend’s social media pages and discovered Kourtney loves to show her ass on the internet.

And.He.Was.Shocked. He saw the photo and commented:

“That’s what you need to show to get likes?”

No, that’s what she needs to show so That Woman will cut her a check every month because her only job is as a social media nude model.

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And lastly, let’s end with one of the dumbest people I’ve ever heard of: Wiz Khalifa.

Apparently, he was on some chat show and said that a straight man should never eat a whole banana in public because it’s “sus,” meaning “suspect”, meaning it looks like he has a dick in his mouth.

Seriously. Um, Wiz, eating a banana whole does not make you gay. Taking a banana and shoving it up your ass might mean your gay, though, so be careful about that. M’kay?

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It's Snarkurday!

Remember when songwriters Sean Hall and Nathan Butler sued Taylor Swift back in September claiming that her off-key ramblings of “players gonna play” and “haters gonna hate” on 2014s Shake It Off might have been a rip-off of their song from 2001 called Playas Gon’ Play?

They wanted 20% of Shake It Off’s profits, or roughly $30 million dollars, but the case was thrown out because, well, no one actually wrote “playas gon’ play” because people have been saying it long before anyone heard of Swifty or Hall or Butler.

So, that should have been the end of things, right? Nope, because Swifty countersued for the $75,000 she paid in legal fees to defend herself. And that’s when Judge Michael Fitzgerald gave Taytay a lesson in how the law works before kicking her case to the curb; Fitzgerald explained that although the suit may appear like a shakedown, it’s not entirely unbelievable to say that Taylor Swift stole a couple of lines from their song.

Fitzgerald dismissed Swifty’s claim and told her to go home and steal write another song about it.

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When Tristan Thompson got caught cheating on his Baby Mama Khloé Kardastrophe, the other woman was ALLEGEDLY an Instagram model … which is ALLEGEDLY where Tristan met his many, many, hookups.

At first Tristan tried to appease Khloé by claiming the women were just “stupid groupies” … cuz that somehow makes it all right, but now maybe she’s not so forgiving since it’s been revealed that he went after all these women on social media, the very bread-and-butter of a Kardastrophe’s life.

Karma, baby. Live your life on Instagram, find your life ruined on Instagram.

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In Ick news … “Smallville” actress Allison Mack, who was arrested last week for her role in a sex cult, ALLEGEDLY tried to lure Kelly Clarkson and Emma Watson into her “movement.”

Mack sent tweets to Watson about an “amazing women’s movement” she thought they might be interested in:

“I’m a fellow actress like yourself & involved in an amazing women’s movement I think you’d dig. I’d love to chat if you’re open.”

She followed that with:

“I participate in a unique human development & women’s movement I’d love to tell you about.”

Mack also sent a vague tweet to Clarkson about having a “chat.”

“I heard through the grapevine that you’re a fan of ‘Smallville.’ I’m a fan of yours as well! I’d love to chat sometime.”

Mack has pleaded not guilty to charges of sex trafficking and forced labor after she ALLEGEDLY lured female members of the self-empowerment group Nxivm into a secret society that forced women into sex slavery.

Seriously.

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In the ongoing feud between herself and Kim Cattrall, Sarah Jessica Parker—and let’s face it, SJP is the only one talking and still talking—claims she was nice to everyone on set. As for her alleged battles with Kim, she says she has never engaged in that sort of thing:

“I’d just like to remind everybody that there is no catfight. I have never uttered an unkind, unsupportive, unfriendly word, so I would love to redefine it … I’ve always held Kim’s work in high regard and always appreciative of her contributions. If she chooses not to do the third movie, there’s not a lot I can do to change her mind and we must respect it. That’s the only thing I’ve ever said about it, you know?

But, no, there is no catfight, there never has been a catfight. I’ve never fought with someone publicly in my life, nor would I. And I spent time with all of the women on the set … We are enormously proud of what we got to do and I don’t want someone sharing thoughts publicly, which is Kim’s right to do and that is what it is, but we spent 10, 12 years of our life doing something that I really loved and I feel privileged to be part of and I don’t want this to eclipse it or change its experience for that audience that was so good to us for so long.”

Gosh, she never did or said a mean word or thing to anyone anywhere ever … because she has minions like Andy Cohen do it for her. Give it another week and SJP will be back talking about the non-catfight-catfight again, while Kim Cattrall just moves on.

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God, Gwyneth Paltrow does not know when to shut her pie-hold, albeit a possibly gluten-free piehole.

After dating everyone, everyone, from Brad Pitt to Ben Affleck to Chris Martin—whom she married—Paltrow now claims that her new husband, Brad Falchuk, is her first “adult” relationship.

Gwyneth is 45 but clearly thinks she has neither dated, nor married, an adult male, ever. I don’t feel bad for Brad or ben, because they’re provably positively Glee-ful to have avoided a Paltrow marriage, but poor Chris Martin, the father of Goops children, Pear and Elijah, has now learned that he is not an adult … after learning, also, that Paltrow thinks of him as a brother.

This woman is too much, and too full of herself.

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So, a few years ago, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert’s marriage imploded. Was it his boozing or her cheating, or maybe both? But they both moved on rather quickly, with Lambert hooking up with a backup singer and Shelton hooking up with a headline singer, Gwen Stefani.

Lambert’s post-marital relationship crashed and burned, but Blake and Gwen are ALLEGEDLY still going strong. But he clearly still holds a grudge because Miranda and her last ex-boyfriend Anderson East split a couple of months ago, but now we learned that Miranda was also sleeping with Evan Felker, the married frontman of Turnpike Troubadours at that same time.

So, maybe it was less Blake’s boozing and more Miranda’s sleeping around? At any rate, the news to Miranda’s married boyfriend did not go unnoticed by Shelton, who Tweeted:

“Been taking the high road for a long time.. I almost gave up. But I can finally see something on the horizon up there!! Wait!! Could it be?! Yep!! It’s karma!!”

But is he really taking the high road, because if he’d moved on, and clearly, they both have, would he care?

Just sayin’.

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Well, all those jobs that Lindsay Lohan never got have finally hurt the family. Lindsay mother, Dina “Can I Order Chardonnay By The Bucket” Lohan is losing her home to foreclosure because her daughter dividend paycheck daughter doesn’t really work and can’t foot the bills on Chez Lohan any more.

In 2013 it was reported that Dina was $1 million in debt and took out a $1.3 million loan on her home. But Dina has a hard time paying back loans and so the bank came a’knocking, as banks are apt to do when you don’t pay them back.

But Lindsay swooped in with 40K—she is a high-class call girl, you know—to help, but it wasn’t enough and so JP Morgan Chase filed a lawsuit to foreclose on her house and a judge has ordered the home to be sold off.

I guess Dina could always go live under the bars her daughter used to sleep under.

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Apparently, what’s been going on behind the scenes of Fox’s Lethal Weapon TV show is much better than what makes it on camera, even if what’s going on could sink the show.

Lethal Weapon is in its second season and a third season seemed to be expected but one of the show’s leads, Clayne Crawford—I have no idea who he is—has been accused of terrorizing the cast and crew on set. Sources say Crawford is emotionally abusive and created a hostile working environment and it wasn’t until the higherups had a chat with Crawford and mentioned the possibility of a third season with a different actor, that he squeezed out an apology to the crew and an unnamed actor … possibly his costar Damon Wayans.

So, there you have a show with two stars who don’t get along, and one who feels himself the budget Christian Bale.

And Fox is thinking about keeping this shiz going?

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Remember last week, at the GLAAD Awards, when Halle Berry announced this mess … “Behind every Black Panther there’s a Black Catwoman!” … and then suggested that a reboot get another chance?

Well, this past week, when she was honored at the 2018 Matrix Awards Halle talked about her career and her intuition, and as she rambled on and on and on, she realized the audience had slipped into a coma and so then she talked about … Catwoman:

“Everybody around me said, ‘Girl don’t do it, it’s gonna be the death of you, it’s gonna end your career.’ Well guess what I did? I followed my intuition and I did a movie called Catwoman…and it bombed! Miserably. But I assumed it. Because you know what? While it ‘failed’ to most people, it wasn’t a failure for me. Because guess what? I met so many interesting people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise, I got to learn two forms of martial arts and I got to learn what not to do, and learning what not to do is as important as learning what to do. And I got that gift, and I got a shitload of money that changed my life.”

And there you have it: a shitload of money. And that’s why she wants to do it again, even though she doesn’t seem to realize that since the first one tanked, epically, no one will give her even a turdload of coins.

Sit down, Halle, Catwoman is over ... for you.

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Well, looks who’s come crawling out of the Sexual Predator Slime: Matt Lauer.

He’s reared his bald head and groping hands and leering eyes to tell us all about allegations that got him canned from the Today by way of a piece by The Washington Post:

“I have made no public comments on the many false stories from anonymous or biased sources that have been reported about me over these past several months … I remained silent in an attempt to protect my family from further embarrassment and to restore a small degree of the privacy they have lost. But defending my family now requires me to speak up. I fully acknowledge that I acted inappropriately as a husband, father and principal at NBC. However I want to make it perfectly clear that any allegations or reports of coercive, aggressive or abusive actions on my part, at any time, are absolutely false.”

There you have it; he admits to being a bad boy but says he did nothing wrong and don’t believe anyone who says otherwise.

Okurrrrrrrrr.

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I’ll give it to Jennifer Lopez, she doesn’t do subtle … at this week’s Billboard Latin Music Awards, JLo performed her new song, El Anillo—which means The Ring—the third single from her new Spanish album Por la Primera Vez .

The lyrics translate to:

“I have never felt anything this grand

And your wild side drives me crazy

You’ve given me so much that I’ve been thinking

I already have it all, but

When will I get the ring?”

Wow, someone is desperate for Alex Rodriguez to become the fourth Mr. Jennifer Lopez … because you can’t get to 5, 6, 7 or 8 without getting through #4.

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It's Snarkurday!

So it took years, longer than they were married, in fact, for Bethenny Frankel, of the Real Housewives New York,  and Jason Hoppy to finalize their divorce because she had a lot of money and he wanted a lot of money, but it appears that the divorce decree didn’t stop the madness.

Hoppy was arrested last Friday and charged with harassing and stalking  Frankel after he ALLEGEDLY—though there are witnesses—showed up to their 6-year-old daughter’s school and screamed at his ex:

“I will destroy you.”

Now that’s a line that nearly ever Real Housewife has uttered so maybe Hoppy’s auditioning for the show since his coins have stopped rolling in?

And it appears that this isn’t the first time Hoppy got hoppin’ mad; last Fall, Frankel’s current man, Dennis Shields, got his lawyers to serve Hoppy with a cease and desist after Hoppy sent out a bunch of craycray emails to both Frankel and Shields.

Hoppy gave the cease-and-desist no mind and kept on emailing the ex and when that garnered no reaction, he followed her to their daughter’s school and went all Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan on Frankel’s ass and that’s when police snatched him up.

Sadly, Hoppy then asked Frankel for bail money, I think, because he has no more money.

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The Grammy Awards are down three stars! Justin Bieber, Kanye West and Drake aren’t coming.

We know Kanye isn’t coming because he’s a big ass baby.

Justin is staying at his crib—and by crib, I mean an actual crib—because the Grammy’s don’t recognize no-talent losers; he worded it differently, as in the Grammy’s don’t recognize “young talent”, but I paraphrased for you.

Drake isn’t coming because JLo grounded him after the pictures of his date with the porn star surfaced.

So sad that these three won’t be there because ... oh who cares, it’ll be a better show without them.

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Azealia Banks, former rapper and now professional malcontent, has tried to up her relevance by taking to Twitter to approve of _____’s Muslim ban; if _____ had only offered up a Banks ban, I would’a been all over it and stayed at the airport waving goodbye to both Tyra and Azealia.

It started on Twitter when Rihanna announced that she was sickened by _____’s ban:

“Disgusted! The news is devastating! America is being ruined right before our eyes! What an immoral pig you have to be to implement such BS!!”

Azealia saw that and figured she had nothing better to do—she has no career to speak of, unless acting the fool is a job—responded with:

“As far as Rihanna (who isn’t a citizen, and can’t vote) and all the rest of the celebrities who are using their influence to stir the public, you lot really REALLY need to shut up and sit down. Stop chastising the president. It’s stupid and pathetic to watch. All of these confused people confuse other confused people.”

RiRi and Azealia went back and forth, with Banks accused Rihanna of f**king for drugs and tracks.

Then RiRi Tweeted a screen shot of a text that Azealia sent her, exposing Azealia’s phone number, and Azealia returned the favor.

Seriously? Azealia Banks has Rihanna’s phone number? Girl? Scrub that phone because no one needs crazy trying to text them.

I mean, first Chris Brown and now Azealia Banks?

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Robin “One Plagiarized Hit Wonder” Thicke and Paula Patton’s custody fight is ugly. She accused him of physically abusing her and their 6-year-old son, and was awarded temporary custody of the boy, and was granted a restraining order against Robin. 

But even after that victory, Patton then accused Thicke of being a cokehead and violent, cheating douche ... well, the accusation of being a cheat is valid, but the drug abuse is all ALLEGATION.

But, Paula says that Robin actually invited his drug dealer to his son’s 5th birthday party, though nothing happened like Robin didn’t offer coke to five-year-olds instead of offering Coke™ to five-year-olds.

Paula also claims Robin’s manager quit in 2009 because his drug use was out of control, and that the drug abuse messed with his ability to cheat on her.

Huh? Paula says that on Valentine’s Day 2013, she and Robin had sex Chateau Marmont and then later that same night he tried to f**k some girl in the other bedroom of their suite while she was asleep:

“When I confronted Robin about this, he admitted to attempting to have sex with the stranger, but stated that he ended up being unable to do so because of the amount of cocaine that he used that evening had caused him to be unable to perform.”

Paula says Robin admitted to having unprotected sex with seven women causing her to be tested for STDs.

Paula also claims that after the 2013 MTV VMAs, she came back to their hotel to find Robin in bed with two naked women.

Paula says that while Robin was getting a massage at their home in 2013, she noticed he was hitting on the massage therapist.  When she caught him, he became verbally abusive and she fled to another room; he chased her down and broke the door down.

Paula says, Paula claims. Paula needs to keep her mess out of the news and think about her little boy one day reading all the nasty things she says Daddy did, be they true or not.

Take a breath, Paula, and ask the judge to seal all the court documents.

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It’s long been ALLEGED that Kevin Spacey is a Friend of Dorothy ... that he could have a show on Bravo ... that he’s a homo and now comes this bizarre take.

On his Instagram page, George Stults, who was on 7th Heaven, posted a picture of Kevin posing near Sunset Strip bar Rock & Reilly’s and George reminisced about IT LIKE THIS:

“Love to see the very first man to hit on me in Hollywood supporting @rockandreillys we intimately met while @geoffmstults were catering the premier for the fight club. #ididnotdropthesoap #hicuteboy @rae0890”

Huh? The ALLEGED reminiscence was accompanied by a middle finger emoji. 

So, Kevin Spacey hit on a cater waiter? That’s tacky. Everyone knows that in Hollywood you hit on bartenders or masseurs.

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It costs a ton to make Ben Affleck happy and when you lose all that money what do you do?

Affleck’s Live By Night was his directorial follow-up to the Oscar-winning Argo but Live By Night was a mess and literally bombed at the box office but ...

... because Affleck’s Batman v. Superman made a ton of money, and The Accountant also did well, Warner Bros gave Affleck $65 million to make Live By Night, plus another ten million to promote it and now it seems like Warner’s will be taking a $75 million dollar loss because they wanted to keep Affleck happy.

Look, if you wanna keep Affleck happy give him a case of scotch, a deck of cards and a stripper. Surely that wouldn’t have set Warner’s back seventy-five million.

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It appears that the Made-For-TV Relationship of Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton might have run its course, and that now Blake is trying Boot Scootin’ Boogie his way away from Gwen.

Shelton’s Doing It To Country Songs tour starts this month and runs through September and he ALLEGEDLY doesn’t want Gwen to tag along. He’s tried to tell her that she would be bored if she came along and I kinda believe that; I mean, seeing Blake Shelton even once in concert might tempt me to hurl myself off a freeway overpass, but seeing him live for eight months?

Child, please.

This could be true, or it could be false, but given that Gwen and Blake have created this relationship on stunts, I’m thinking maybe the ardor has cooled.

But that could be a bonus, because they could each release new albums of sad songs about how their Made-For-TV love didn’t last.

And, again, I’m bored.

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For well over a year. Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have been at war about money and things and control.

Amber finally won earlier this year when a judge finalized their divorce and ordered Johnny to cough up the seven million bucks he owes.

But will he? I mean, now there are all kinds of stories about Depp and his money troubles.

After selling off artwork and property and then nickel-and-diming Amber over the settlement, Depp’s Second String of lawyers filed suit against his managers at The Management Group [TMG]. Depp accused them grossly mismanaging his money and basically losing tens of millions of dollars on bad investments and overbilling.

Gurl, please; TMG is not playing and they have countersued and provided details of their countersuit saying that Johnny Depp has a long history of extravagant spending on staff, real estate—he owns some fourteen properties around the world—and other things.

While Depp claims that TMG collected $28 million in contingent fees he never agreed to, consistently failed to file or pay his taxes, failed to keep proper books and loaned nearly $10 million of his money to third parties without authorization, TMG countered with this:

“Depp lived an ultra-extravagant lifestyle that often knowingly cost Depp in excess of $2 million per month to maintain, which he simply could not afford. Depp, and Depp alone, is fully responsible for any financial turmoil he finds himself in today.”

Among the examples of excess:

$75 million spent on 14 residences

$18 million spent on a luxury yacht

$30,000 per month spent on wine

$3 million to blast the ashes of author Hunter Thompson from a specially-made cannon over Aspen.

Seriously? $30,000 a month on wine? Is that bad?

Asking for a friend.

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