Why Is It ...

... that nobody remembers that before the internet we thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information but now we know that wasn’t it.

… that I still don’t understand how people my age can have children. I am children.

… that my co-workers have yet to learn that I am two scoops of grumpy in a bowl of bitchy every single morning.

… that alcohol doesn’t solve your problems but then neither does milk so pour me a drink 

… that no one remembers that I talk a lot of smack for someone who tiptoes in the 5-foot end of the pool for fear I’ll drown.

… that everybody needs to know that I will separate glitter before I let your opinion of me stress me out.

… that I wake up everyday in a room-sized bed, and then I am gently lifted from the covers and dressed in a warm cozy sweater while my favorite foods are brought to me, and that I have no job and no bills and no responsibilities and suddenly I realize I am a chihuahua and I am filled with rage.

… that people often forget that while I am not a 10 at the beach I am a 10 at Walmart

… that people don’t know that I have reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

… that I get stuck thinking that soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish.

… that no one ever recognizes me in my Halloween costume? Is it because I go out as Emotionally Stable?

HalloMemes!!!

The Funny Papers

Pedro X Molina, Marc Murphy, Barry Blitt, Jesse Duquette, RJ Matson, Ann Telnaes, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, Gary Huck, Max Espinosa, Michael de Adder, Matt Wuerker, Lalo Alcaraz, Darrin Bell, Dave Whamond, Dennis Goris,

The Funny Papers

Jon Ostrove, Bill Bramhall, Tim Campbell, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, Ed Hall, Ann Telnaes, Steve Breen, Clay Bennett, Gary Huck, David Horsey, Rick McKee

Hallowween Meme Dump

Why Is It ...

… that Halloween is the only day of the year when we get it right? I mean, strangers come to our doors, beautiful or ugly, odd or scary, and we accept them without questions and give them good things.

… that people say asking questions of another person is key to being a good conversationalist and yet all I can think to ask is ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’

… that if I don’t turn everything into a joke, I think it will destroy me?

… that my favorite winter activity is going back inside where it’s warm and putting pajamas on?

… that I can look past most people’s flaws ... emotionally distant, no problem ... slight drinking problem, I get it ... killed a man once due to circumstances you can’t talk about, been there ... but saying “I seen” instead of “I saw” is something I will not tolerate?

… that I’m at that age where I really appreciate a nice handrail?

… that everyday  I try so hard to be a good person and then someone pulls out in front of me going ten miles below the speed limit and I gotta try again tomorrow?

… that if you think you can win me over with food and drink, you’d be right?

… that I’d rather be “too sensitive” than be whatever the hell happened to half the population?