I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When last we left Erika Jayne, of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and her soon-to-be ex-husband, Tom Girardi, we were learning that Girardi is nearly broke and ALLEGEDLY embezzled millions from his firm to keep Erika in ugly couture and ridiculous weaves. Rumors also flew that the divorce was just a sham so they could hide their coins and still be rich rich rich.

But now it looks like Erika wants to put the kibosh on those embezzler stories—at least she’s concerned—and has come out saying that Girardi has been cheating on her for years, and even spilled the name of one of his sidepieces.

Erika is now saying she filed for divorce because, after 21 years of marriage—and ALLEGEDLY all during their marriage—Tom was cheating on her. And she brought receipts to prove it, when she posted, then deleted, text messages between Tom and his ALLEGED mistress, Justice Tricia A. Bigelow, and wrote on Instagram:

“This is Justice Tricia A. Bigelow. She was fucking my husband Tom Girardi and he was paying her Saks bill and paying for her plastic surgery.”

Damn, Tom; he was set to pay Erika’s Saks bill and for her plastic surgery. And Erika posted screenshots of their texts between one another:

“Tonight was fantastic. Really. But it would be a whole lot better if I were fucking you.”

“Miss you babe. Makeup sex?”

And there’s a text where Tricia asks Tom to pay Dr. David Matlock for her plastic surgery or she’ll “ask my new boyfriend to pay if it’s a problem. He’s got big dough.”

Sounds damaging, but internet sleuths have noted a couple of oddities; based on the dates and that 3G phone, the texts are either from 2005-2006 or 2015-2016. And then there’s the ALLEGATIONS that Erika and Tom had an open marriage, so she’s known for a while about Tricia, just like Tom has known about her ALLEGED affair with Scooter Braun.

But most odd of all is that, for some reason, Erika then posted a video of her face superimposed over Daenerys from Game Of Thrones and the internet dragged her:

“Should you be making these videos right now?”

“Baby what is you doin.”

“You should probably stop posting for a while. It’s kind of shocking that no one has advised you to at this point.”

“This whole thing is…. embarrassing. Can we get Olivia Pope?”

I’m not sure where Erika goes after all this but judging from Tricia’s threat to Tom, maybe she should look up Tricia’s old boyfriend because he’s “got big dough”.

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Earlier this month, a 34-year-old woman, who can’t be publicly named for legal reasons, filed a claim in court saying that she and Prince Albert of Monaco had a “passionate affair” in 2015 that led to her having his child.

The woman, who is Brazilian but lives in Italy, says that Albert took her on trips all over the world from France to the US to Russia, where she met Vladimir Putin. The woman’s daughter is now 15 years old and the girl has reportedly reached out to Prince Albert several times including this past September when she sent him a note that read: 

“I don’t understand why I grew up without a father, and now that I have found you, you don’t want to see me.”

Albert has repeatedly ignored the girl, so her mother went the legal route and now wants him to take a DNA test. Prince Albert and his legal team deny the woman’s ALLEGATIONS, but he is no stranger to paternity suits. In 1992, Tamara Rotolo claimed that Albert knocked her up, but he denied it until a DNA test … given by Daddy DNA, Maury Povich … said:

“You are the father.”

In 2005, Nicole Coste ALLEGED that Albert left her with child, too, and while he again denied that ALLEGATION, the truth came out:

“You are the father.”

Sure looks like Albert likes to spread his DNA around.

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It must be a slow gossip week when Connie Chung makes the cut, but here we are.  It seems that Chung is dishing the dirt about lots of people, from Dan Rather to Barbara Walters to Hugh Grant.

Chung says Rather, was what she called “Texas nice” to her face but not so much behind her back, saying Rather has been described as being a person who “has very sharp elbows” as in:

“Maybe, if I turned my back, you know, I felt like I might be in a scene of Psycho in the shower.”

Chung parted ways with CBS; it was rumored she wasn’t a good fit because she was “too tabloid” which might have meant her marriage to the above-mentioned Maury Povich. She ended up at ABC with Walters and Sawyer, whom Chung says actively tried to sabotage her success:

“When I got to ABC News, I joined with both Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer there and I thought, ‘Oh, this is going to be great. It’ll be three women who get along.’ So naive and stupid. I was always playing a game of Whac-A-Mole. I’d pop my head out, and one of them would have a hammer, and whack—put me down, back in my little hole.”

She says Barbara and Diane competed for huge stories and interviews, and that whenever Connie tried to get one, she was told that they were for Barbara and Diane only and that she should “stand down.”

And she also had to stand down when it came to Bryant Gumbel, or men at all:

“I didn’t have a very good experience with a lot of male co-anchors, because they suffer from something called bigshot-itis, and it’s sort of delusions of grandeur and sort of narcissistic behavior and a feeling of inability to stop talking.”

Um, Connie? Stop talking. But she doesn’t … she was asked if Gumbel—with whom Chung sometimes co-hosted “Today” as a sub for Jane Pauley—suffered from the condition, she replied:

“I would say so. I’d be sitting beside him, but I was invisible.”

And then she comes for Hugh Grant, with whom she filmed a cameo for the HBO series The Undoing. She ALLEGES Grant was an asshole who acted like he didn’t know who she was, despite her interviewing him previously.

Sounds like Connie thought very highly of herself while most others did not. Also sounds like she was being interviewed by Maury for the one show a year he does that isn’t about DNA tests.

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Minute Rant: That Woman

I haven’t commented on the Bruce Jenner Interview because, well, we were gone almost as soon as it aired. But I did watch it, and I was impressed; it was less sensationalistic and tabloid-y than the first couple of ads made it seem.

But one thing annoyed me …

Diane Sawyer noted that ABC had reached out to all of Bruce’s ex-wives for a comment, and the first two, Chrystie Jenner and Linda Thompson, had lovely things to say. Then Diane said That Woman had “No comment.”

Well, That Woman  was enraged and got into a TwitFight with Perez Hilton after he Tweeted:

“Kris Jenner has no comment for ABC news and the #BruceJenner interview. His other two ex-wives give supportive statements.”

That Woman  replied:

“@PerezHilton f–k you Perez no one asked me to comment ….and I’m sitting with Bruce now watching this show so let’s keep it real…LOL….”

And then she Tweeted this:

“Not only was I able to call him my husband for 25 years and father of my children, I am now able to call him my hero.” 

Nice, except then we learned That Woman was not sitting with Bruce as the interview aired; he was watching the show with his first wife so, um, yeah, That Woman is a liar.

Then she commented that ABC never asked her to comment on the interview, which seems odd that ABC wouldn’t ask her opinion of the story that her ex-husband was coming out as transgender when every single news source in this country asks That Woman to comment every time anything happens in Kardastrophe Town.

Now, Diane Sawyer has doubled-down on her claim that ABC contacted That Woman and got a “no comment” and ABC News is backing up Sawyer.

A statement issued to PEOPLE on behalf of Kris Jenner attempted to clarify matters: 

“Kris does not have official representation but a message was left at her office and she was asked for fact checking. Kris said she was unable to respond because she had not seen the special. She did not say, ‘No comment.’ ”

However, ABC is standing by Sawyer:

“ABC News sent an email to her publicity team more than once. They called and said no comment.”

That Woman is a boldfaced liar. When Kash Kow dyed her hair blond, That Woman released a statement. When people question Khloe’s ass That Woman releases a statement. When That Woman uses the toilet she alerts the media, and she expects anyone to believe that she was never asked to comment on the Bruce Jenner Interview?

Siddown lady.

Minute Rant: "Dr." Phil

“Dr.” Phil.

Gosh, I loathe that smug, sanctimonious, self-righteous egomaniacal tool. And even more so now …

See, the Not-So-Good “Doctor” was on reported transition while making an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Last week and offered his thoughts on Bruce Jenner’s transition.

Jimmy asked if Phil was hurt that Bruce was being interviewed by Diane Sawyer and not himself — like “Dr.” Phil is the go-to source for a serious interview — and he said this:

“It would be boring to talk to me about that. First off, I would say, ‘Look. If it’s what you want to do… do it! What the hell’s it matter what anybody else thinks?’ … ‘You’re almost 80, what’s the point?. This is a theoretical exercise, right? I don’t know. He’s kind of past prime for like… right? I’ll tell you what. He’s a hell of a nice guy.”

So, I guess he has no right to be happy, eh, “Doctor”?  I guess when you reach a certain age you should just sit still and never try to achieve your authentic self.

“Dr.” Phil needs to see a shrink, and then he needs to STFU.

Random Musings

Our computer is once again acting the fool, so they may be some glitches in posting and commenting … and forewarned is forearmed.

Yeah, I don’t know what that has to do with a computer crash, but I thought I’d say it anyway.

A couple of weeks back — as Spring-like weather, hell, almost Summer-like weather, hit Smallville — I got my first Winter cold. Yes, always a step behind, that’s me.

But I soldiered on and I got through it because that’s how I roll. Then Carlos got the Winter-Spring-Summer cold, and, well, as much as I love him, I have a hard time playing nurse to a sick Princess so …

I posted an ad on Facebook:

Free to a Good Home: My husband, Carlos … who has the sniffles, because, well, ain't nobody got time for that!

I got lots of ‘Likes’ but no ‘Takers,’ which, I guess is kinda good because he’s feeling better now.

I am over those ABC ads for the Diane Sawyer interview with Bruce Jenner where they photograph him in shadow like he’s some kind of corporate spy squealing on The Man.

It reeks of a Maury Povich “Are you the father” piece of crap and Sawyer and ABC should be, should be, better than that.

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Speaking of better than that … Tennessee? WTF?

The state’s House of Representatives have just passed a bill making The Bible the “official” state book because, well, Tennessee likes to look as crazy as possible.

And we have one man, a Republican, of course, Jerry Sexton to thank for that:

"History's going to tell us where we stand on this. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to have the side that I'm on. It may be kind to me in the future and it may not be kind, and that's OK. I made a decision for today and I feel good about it."

Well, good for you Jerry, that you’re happy, but did you think once about any people in Tennessee who don’t believe in your Bible, or any Bible, or are you just giving a giant Middle Finger to anyone who doesn’t agree with you or thinks that Separation of Church and State means SEPARATION????

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A couple of vacation notes …

We’re off … finally … for our trip to Miami the last week of April.

I was ready for some sun and surf and Cuban coffee and sammiches the last time … until the trip was cancelled at the last second. Fingers crossed.

Also, there is a chance we’ll be headed up to Cambridge over the summer. I have never been up that way before and am looking forward to that trip if all goes well. Fingers crossed again.

The GOP Clown Car just picked up another passenger …

Rumor has it that Ben Carson will announce on May 4th that he wants to be the next President of the United Sates of America.

Oh, and he doesn't like gay people, same-sex marriage, but he’s keen on using the Bible as a weapon of discrimination.

Add that to the fact that he’s never held political office anywhere and, well, he’s just about perfect … for the Clown Car.

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I know … I know … there are lots of good, really good, police officers out there, but with this latest rash of police shootings, and of officers running down suspected criminals with their patrol cars, just makes me think we need to reboot what it means to be a member of law enforcement these days.

And it’s a good thing the GOP Clown Car has bench seating, because now it looks like New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is ready for his shot at the White House, too.

I cannot wait for the first time he goes off on a reporter or a constituent or a woman who cuts in front of him while in line at Chipotle.

Should be fun … especially considering that, right now, Krispy Kreme is polling in the single digits among likely Republican voters.

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Oh, and one more …

When Marco Rubio was announcing that he was announcing an announcement that he would announce a run at the White House, his Twitter feed took on an air of an HOB show, Game of Thrones … because nothing says intelligent viable campaign start like ripping off a TV program.

Hillary Clinton has hired openly gay Robby Mook to be a campaign advisor as she makes her bid for the White House.

I like the idea, because I like Hillary, and Robby is totally adorable and I’m shallow like that. 

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Songs In The Key Of Bob

I am here to admit my shame. To get a few things off my chest. To reveal the sordid truth.
Yeah. Right.
So, I told the story about the leaky refrigerator. And how we called the home warranty people and they were sending out a refrigeration man. Then Carlos said he thought it was a plumbing issue. And how I cracked wise about his ass crack.
Turns out it is a plumbing issue.
Carlos will be doing his sashay-shantay down the hallway when he reads this.
He so loves to be right.
Whatever.
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Is it me, or was Whitney Houston high at the Grammys? I mean, she certainly seemed a bit off....not in the Crack-Is-Whack way of that Diane Sawyer interview, but in that I-don't-what-in-the-hell-I'm-doing-here way.
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I saw Joan Rivers on The View.
She cracks me up.
She says that because of the Botox, Bea Arthur's bowels move more often than Cher's face.
Of course, Joan should talk.
Her face is stretched tighter than a Mariah Carey mini-dress.
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Once, when I lived in California, we used to hang out at this bar. And one of the cocktail waitresses became quite friendly with our group.
Then one day I was surprised to learn that Cocktail Waitress and Husband had moved into the apartment above mine. We chatted every so often and, of course, she still brought me my round of Kamikaze's that I so enjoyed; I say enjoyed, because once you puke Kamikaze, you can't go back.
At least I can't.
Anyway. One morning I was walking to my car and I saw Cocktail Waitress in the parking lot with Husband. I hadn't met him yet, so we stopped for a minute. Husband was carrying a huge ceramic pot when Cocktail Waitress introduced us.
Me. Socially inept back then......heck, socially inept today....offered my hand for a handshake.
Husband was still carrying the huuuuuuuuge pot.
I stick out my hand.
He sticks out his finger,
I shake it.
It still mortifies me to this day.
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I used to tend bar in California and we had all sorts of regulars, and Vicki used to work with me. We had so much fun getting all the regulars laughing and telling stories; it was a fun job.
One night, during our storytelling, Vicki offered up the take of her then-husband, who worked at a local saw mill. He came home from work one night and told her about a man who was killed on the job when a band saw slipped.
Did it decapitate him? someone asked.
Nope. Vicki said firmly. Took his head right off.
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I was once stopped for speeding while driving down I-5 in California.
If you've been there, you know that I-5 is one long-assed boring stretch of road from Mexico to Canada. My friend Kim and I were on our way to an Amnesty International concert at the Coliseum in LA.
So, I'm driving along 5--it was a four-hundred-plus mile trip from my house to LA--and I'm about 250 miles from LA, cruising along at about ninety.
The speed limit was Sixty-five.
Red lights.
Red face.
Pull over.
Helicopter caught you doing nine-zero. CHP say.
Wow. I say. So intelligent.
Yeah. What's the hurry.
I need to be in LA in fifteen minutes. Mind you, it's 250 miles away.
Looks like you won't make it.
Depends on how long this takes.
I'm lucky he had a sense of humor. Those orange jumpsuits don't look good on me.
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Once I was working in a bar, and this friend of mine, Dave, worked with me. We had a friend, Maria, who was, well, what you might politely call high-maintenance.
Seriously high. She weighted in at right around one-hundred pound sand called herself fat. I have shoes that weigh more than she did.
One night she was complaining about how she had popped a zipper in her pants.
How did you do that? I asked innocently.
Because I'm FAT. She said. I'm fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat!!!!
I walk away from the tirade.
An older couple is sitting at the bar as I pass by.
What's all that shouting down there? The old woman asks.
Before I could answer, the little old man said,
I don't know, but that fat girl is having a fit.